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Shy Men A Good Boyfriend

Updated on November 15, 2013

In relationships between men and women it is usual practice for the guy to approach the girl but sometimes men are shy. Some women find this too much work but some of us have learned how sweet these men can be.

I personally prefer shy men and married one.

If you’ve been dating around and not finding a guy that is your type perhaps you need to reconsider a shy man.

Why bother with shy men?

If you are an outgoing woman a shy man might be just the type for you. Opposites attract and if you are extrovert this can work out well. To an outgoing woman an assertive man can seem too pushy or overbearing. Likewise, extrovert men tend to find outspoken women too much for their taste.

How to find a shy man

They aren’t the life of the party and never stand out in a crowd. You’ll sometimes find them sitting quietly at the edge of the room alone watching people with their peripheral vision.

Some are just a little shy but some are very introvert and hardly go out among groups. Those guys are even harder to find.

If you are interested in a shy guy you’ll have to start the conversation and possibly carry most of it until he gets to know you.

Shy and quiet are not the same thing

Some men are just quiet but not shy. This is not the same thing. Quiet guys just don’t have a lot to say, they are observers and pay more attention to what is going on. They are good listeners.

Quiet men don’t have much to say their entire life. They are still good guys they just don’t have a lot to say. When they do speak it’s usually important.

A shy guy might be a talker once he gets to know you and opens up. You might be surprised how much he has to say after he feels comfortable around you. So if you are avoiding shy men thinking you will always have to carry the conversation you are wrong. Once you get to know them some are real talkers.

Internet makes it easier for shy people

Talking to people online is much easier for all of us, and especially those who are a bit apprehensive around people they don’t know.

Shy people are enjoying full social lives online they wouldn’t have had in the past. It’s so easy to meet other people via the Internet before you meet in person. In the past you had an uncomfortable first meeting sometimes on a date if you were set up by friends and you didn’t get a chance to know them before seeing them. Now you can become comfortable with someone first so that initial date won’t be so awkward.

Shy men are worth the extra work

Probably because I’m an extrovert, but I’ve always found shy guys cute and sweet. That shy smile melts my heart. There are a lot of intelligent shy guys just waiting for a woman to speak to them.

Shy men are not always homebodies

Not all shy men are this way. There are some who are afraid of crowds or going out in public but most are okay with it they are just a little backward when it comes to meeting new people. They still do meet new people they just don’t go out of their way to meet new friends. You won’t see a shy salesman or politician.

Some men are only shy with women

They are okay around other guys but get tongue tied when a woman enters the room.

This can actually be a good thing because you won’t have to worry about him chasing women and cheating on you. That’s not to say he can’t meet someone in a chat room somewhere but he’s less likely to step out on you.

Shy men aren’t party animals

Some don't enjoy going to bars, parties or events with a lot of people he’ll need to interact with. He might go along with you and sit at a table in the corner or he’ll stay home while you go without him.

Learn what works for your relationship and accept him for who he is. If he does not enjoy parties and you want a guy who does you might need to find another fellow. If you are okay going alone or don’t mind not going to these types of events then it just might work.

Shy men can be brought out of their shell

Sometimes once a shy man has met the right woman he no longer appears to be shy. This usually takes a few years and not all of them are drawn out. Some just didn’t realize their potential until the right woman came along and helped him realize how special he is. This takes a lot of praise and underlining his assets. Stroke his ego and you just might be surprised what he is capable of.


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    • profile image

      Betty 2 years ago

      Carlos, so sorry. It's sad but you cannot give up. Love will find you, no matter who or what you are. Stay positive.



    • profile image

      Carlos 5 years ago

      Very nice article. Since I'm shy, and have been depressed due to burnouts and social anxiety, women have left me bc they equate that to being a nonmanly. I consider myself very manly. Heck, even my uncle, who was as tough as CLint Eastwood in Dirty Harry told my mom days bf he died that I was a real man, even though I was only 15 at the time. Why can't these women get it that Ive just had it tougher in life and Im swimming against the tide, not with it like machos do, getting into ever girl's pants, and cheating in their jobs, boasting about their abilities(if any). So they're the real men, and a guy like me isn't Who would be more likely to protect women, the "shy" guy like me or them, who are too busy dividing their attention with other women? Sorry about my rant, I'm just furstrated. Im 32 and always get dumped on the first date bc of this.

    • profile image

      sumish 5 years ago

      wow when will i find a good nice lady like you pamela would you add me as a friend in facebook or twitter. my name is sumish 24 years old from india. iam afraid to start conversation with women cos of shyness. last week i met a girl who always have a smile on her pretty face she isn't kind of smart or shy she's talketive its the only girl in my life i approached and have nice conversations you know followed you on twitter @yougirlismylife is my twitter username

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thank you, Xscape for reading and commenting. We are all different and shy on varying levels. Like you say some are only shy with the opposite sex and do fine with their own gender or in the work force.

    • profile image

      Xscape 5 years ago

      I won't lie, u r good, and i was amazed by the fact that u mention being shy is different from being a quiet individual. i usually feel uncomfortable around women i am unfamiliar with or find attractive, but very comfortable around the company of a guy, whether i know him or not. yes, i am a shy guy. in addition to ur accurate points, i believe being shy or quiet doesn't mean u r insecure or not confident. culture may also play a role especially as we all are aware america is a cture of cultures. i give ur article 150/100 and hope u keep coming up with such a fine piece.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Shy men are just too cute! I could usually get them talking, then can't get them to stop. Haha!

      Happy day after your birthday! I hope you had a great day!!!

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      If you like him start a conversation about something non-relationship related. Get to know him as a friend and if it is meant to be it will happen.

    • profile image

      Yza 5 years ago

      I'm quite shy woman but a chatter I think I'm beginning to like this guy he seemed to be a shy man but one of my friends told me his not..I like him and I think he like me too. But he doesn't make any move to get close to me.. what should I do??

    • profile image

      Travis 5 years ago

      Oh please, you all are making that up, unless you have experienced, you know nothing of shy men, Take me for example, throughout high school I was always messed with, every school dance that came up I was always asked by a girl, only to either show up and be stood up or show up and see them with another guy so what right do you women have to even talk about liking shy guys, why don't you do the decent thing and leave us alone instead of jerking our chains. Its bad enough we were born defective I don't need you throwing it in my face

    • billips profile image

      billips 5 years ago from Central Texas

      I really enjoyed this hub - I am partial to shy men and shy women as well - it seems to me they often are more interesting, and actually have more depth than the ones who chatter on endlessly about themselves, and there dubious talents - I was always told that 'still waters run deep' and they generally do, unless of course they are just keeping shameful secrets - B.

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Sen.sush, there are guys that are only shy with women and do go out. Thanks for reading.

    • sen.sush23 profile image

      Sushmita 5 years ago from Kolkata, India

      I am kind of midway between an introvert and extrovert. But I strike better friendship with shy guys. Actually, even apparently party animals sometimes have a shy core. Your pointers are so correct, I totally agree with them. I personally have always fallen for the shy guy, and you are so correct- once the shell is broken, my! can they talk! Voted up and away.

    • ishwaryaa22 profile image

      Ishwaryaa Dhandapani 5 years ago from Chennai, India

      An insightful hub! I totally agree with many points listed by you considering shy men as well dispelling certain myths about shy men. My few male classmates with whom I has stayed in touch with, are quite shy in person but when it comes to texting and Facebook-chat, they talked a lot and are indeed interesting friends! Smart hub!

      Thanks for SHARING. Awesome & Interesting. Voted up & Socially shared.

    • profile image

      mikeydcarroll67 5 years ago

      These are very true! Sometimes you gotta take a chance!

    • Daffy Duck profile image

      Daffy Duck 5 years ago from Cornelius, Oregon

      It's like you've been watching me for a while. LOL! The first part of this hub describes me to a T. You're right about something else too. I am worth the extra work. LOL!

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Robwrite, maybe try meeting women online first and see if that is easier for you. I know some shy men who met their girlfriends that way.

    • Robwrite profile image

      Rob 5 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

      Hi Pamela;Excellent hub. I wish I knew some women who felt this way. Sadly, the vast majority of people see a quiet guy and think one of the following things... "He's unfriendly,", "He's up to something,", "He's stupid", "He's scared and insecure", "He thinks he's too good for us," or "He's no fun".

      Thanks for helping get the truth out there,


    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      MelChi, they are great.

      Dabble, there are good and bad in all men. Of them all I prefer the shy ones.

    • DabbleYou profile image

      DabbleYou 5 years ago

      Although shy men in general are good, you may be surprised to find that there are shy men who may be shallow and prejudiced.

      Interesting hub, by the way, and good points. :)

    • MelChi profile image

      Melanie Chisnall 5 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      I married a shy guy :) Love your points. Voted up!

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      PlasmaBeam, I never cared for confident men. What most women see as confidence I see as arrogance. I will always go for a shy man.

    • PlasmaBeam profile image

      PlasmaBeam 5 years ago from Carlsbad, CA

      I hate to admit I do really well at meeting women in public. I'm average but cute. My wit and confidence usually gets them.

      I met a pretty tatted gal at Borders withing seconds of seeing her, got her to agree to have lunch with me. I waited outside and when she came out the security guy busted her for stealing two books. I said, "Okay, been there done that when I was 7 still want to grab a .99 taco?"

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      PlasmaBeam, sounds like you are a quiet man which is not the same thing as shy. Being observant is a good thing.

    • PlasmaBeam profile image

      PlasmaBeam 5 years ago from Carlsbad, CA

      I'm an observant guy, been called shy. I get mad when they tell me that, I'm not their type because I'm shy when I can really see right through their sociopathic behaviors.

      I like me and there are always women who warm up to me on the spot. Then I get called a PUA...

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Emily, I've had both. I'm married to a shy man who loves to talk.

    • emilybee profile image

      emilybee 5 years ago

      I so agree, shy is not the same as quiet. Quiet men are fine, sometimes come of as creepy, but they are ok. Shy men are awkward to be around. I have a quiet one ;) Voted up.

    • one2get2no profile image

      Philip Cooper 5 years ago from Olney

      Very nice hub. I'm that way with women..I am attracted to shy women and find shyness in a woman so sexy. Women who come on to me I find boring and shallow. Thanks for the hub.

    • EuroCafeAuLait profile image

      Anastasia Kingsley 5 years ago from Croatia, Europe

      Charming hub, really loved it! Voted up and awesome.

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Onlooker, if more women gave these guys a chance they'd find out how special they are.

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      lol Phoenix, they do that sometimes. My husband wouldn't look at me and left every time I came in the room so I thought he didn't like me. A friend told me he thought I was pretty and was really nervous when I came in the room. That friend set us up on a date and we've been together ever since.

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      onlooker 5 years ago

      I am totally into shy guys, they're charming and honest most of the times. I also think they're more committed. This is a great hub, Thank you!

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      My husband is the type that's shy around women. He was so shy around me, in fact, that we almost didn't get together at all. Whenever I approached him, he would find an excuse to run off. I thought he wasn't interested so I quit trying. But with a little encouragement from a mutual friend he finally asked me out. We've just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary.

      A very good hub which brought up the good qualities of shy guys. Thanks for sharing this.

      Voted up, useful and interesting. Also socially shared.

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Tammy, you are correct they are not big flirts.

      Ruchira, I love shy guys and prefer them.

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

      I agree with Tammy. shy men are honest and sincere too :)

      loved your insight, Pam.

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Great hub and something I never thought of. Shy men aren't big flirts either. Great ideas! Voting up and sharing!