All the Single Ladies

As you see from my profile picture, I am a happily married woman. So when I was asked to speak to a group of Single Christian women my first thought was, "you've got the wrong person!"

I did promise to pray about it after my Pastor's wife made the request, and so I did. Yet, the nagging insecurity of getting up before a bunch of single women sent me back to her with the question, "Isn't there someone more qualified?" I knew there must be a single woman in our large congregation, who had her life down pat. Someone who had gained wisdom through her years of singleness.

What I didn't anticipate was my Pastor's wife pulling the God card. Yep, that's right, she told me God had laid it on her heart that I was the one to teach this class. I love this lady and I do believe she sought God, so how could I argue?

Laying all doubts aside I dug in. God undertook and enveloped me with His peace. He guided my every step and gave me many confirmations. I connected with a single Christian group online and asked lots of questions. I asked my single friends too. I encouraged them to be candid with me, and they were. As a result, I gained a lot of perspectives on the single life.

The day of my presentation, the classroom was filled with beautiful Christian singles. They were so gracious as they opened their hearts and shared their struggles with singleness.

This writing comes from my observations in befriending singles all of my life, and from seeking God's truth in His word and asking lots of questions of those who are living the single life.

In this article, I will lay a foundation by pointing out that all singles are not alike. I have divided singles into four groups to illustrate and apply truths to the unique struggles of singles.

The Christian Single:

• Cinderella Complex
• Looking and Longing
• Satisfied Single
• Gratified Growth

The titles of these groups come from knowing and loving the special singles in my life. There may be more and If you find you don't fit in any of the categories .. talk to me. :)

As you read I am hoping you will find encouragement and hope. Father God loves His children and when we really get that it revolutionizes our life.

Allow me to introduce you to this sweet single. Her name is Cinderella and she has a BIG complex. Her expectations are unrealistic and her standard is perfection.

Most girls have grown up believing fairy tales, especially when it comes to meeting her happily ever after. She believes that she will someday meet a handsome prince, the one who will love her all the days of her life. Most of us start out believing there is one man in this world who will complete us. We dream about our wedding day and the happily ever after life we will live.

We attentively check out the opposite sex and long to find the man of our dreams. You know … the knight in shining armor who shows up magically and whisks you into his arms. He is the one who will right everything in your world.

The problem with this Complex is that it is not based on reality. The people we live with, here on earth, are flesh and blood prone to many quirks and faults. Cinderella needs to understand there is no perfect person. When a couple enters into a covenant to one another there no room for fairy tale thinking.

Cinderella's hopes and dreams are dashed when the reality of imperfection hits.

Marriage requires selflessness, sacrifice, and unconditional love. Operating as a helpmeet to the person you committed your love to is very hard work.

Some Questions Cinderella asks:

When will I meet him? Is this a question I can answer or is it a question we can ask the Lord? I cannot answer this question because if you are waiting for God to give you a man of character ..that timing is in God's hands. The Lord tells us to bring everything to Him in prayer so you can ask Him anything.

How will I know it is him? Stay close to Jesus. Be realistic but avoid being a perfectionist. There is NO perfect man ..we know this all too well because, we ourselves, are far from perfect. Open your eyes to discernment and keep a close leash on your heart. Take your time. Only time reveals character. Don't give your heart away before it is time! Pray and ask God to show you His will for your life. He will!

When will I be ready? You will be ready when you are complete in Christ. You will be a blessing to your spouse when your identity is in the one who loves you most. Neediness will be minimal when you are secure in Christ. Strength radiates from the woman whose hope is in God. When you put God first you will be so attractive to a man of God. He will see the joy and love of Jesus in you. He will be drawn to know you better. Jesus will be the bond that draws you to his heart.

Cinderella needs to be set free! The key is to release the princess dream. Cinderella must let go of how she thought life would be. She needs to give up her fairytale expectations and allow the word of God to rebuild her thinking.

Expect a war against the beliefs you cling to. The mind is resistant to change, but healthy thinking demands change. Replace your unrealistic thoughts with God's truth. Your Lord is the mighty warrior, and He will fight for you and help. Trust in Him, He will not fail you.

Enjoy this beautiful song, about trusting God by Laura Daigle.

I have written another article on this topic for The Glorious Table called, How to Overcome Your Cinderella Complex. If you have struggled with a princess' mentality, let me encourage you to head on over to the table for some sound advice on becoming an overcomer.

The second group of singles are those who are Looking and Longing for true love. In this thoughtful presentation, we will address the very real struggle against loneliness and give some healthy alternatives to allowing the pain to destroy us.

Read the true story of Sara's struggle with loneliness within her marriage.

I look forward to seeing you and hearing from you on the next page.