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Single Christian Looking and Longing

Updated on September 20, 2017
Mekenzie profile image

Susan has spent many hours counseling young women with stars in their eyes. Love is a choice and God is the author of true love.

Single Christian Looking and Longing for Love

Welcome back to All the Single Ladies. In the first article we introduced four types of singles and we presented the first single who has a Cinderella Complex. Many of us grew up with a princess' mentality. To explore the belief's of Cinderella, take a trip back to the introduction of All the Single Ladies.

In this writing, we will take a close look into the heart of the single who is looking and longing for love. What kinds of questions might this single be asking? Let's dive in and see if there are some insights yet to be uncovered.

Feel free to enter into conversation in the comment section below. I've met many singles and have been blessed to watch the transformation in their lives when they begin to grasp how deeply loved they are by the Prince of Peace.

The Ache in my Heart
The Ache in my Heart | Source

How do I Fill this Ache in my Heart?

Looking and Lonely carries a heavy burden and a deep Ache in her heart. She is so lonely and she longs for intimacy. How does one manage the pain?

1. Recognize that I am never alone - Remind yourself that God is with you. Tell yourself, you are never alone. If you are His kid, Jesus made some special promises to assure you of His commitment to you. He says in His word that He will never leave you or forsake you and that He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Loneliness will show up .. but if we turn to Him (dive into his word, it is unlike any other book, it is God Breathed, he will speak to you) in our loneliness and vulnerability he will use it to draw us closer to himself.

2. Reach Out - Reach out to others who are also lonely. When you reach out and listen to other women's stories it helps with perspective and also meets your need for companionship.

We are created for Community. We need each other! So many go to the place of isolation when hit with loneliness ...The only reason to go to isolation is to be alone with God and connect with Him ... then get busy connecting and applying the 'one another' verses in scripture. So many people need uplifting and the cool thing is that when we reach out to uplift another .. we too are uplifted. God did not create you to be an island unto yourself. It is God’s desire and nature to build community, so becoming community is in our spiritual DNA!

3. Trust God - Perhaps you are waiting because God wants to be your man first. “One of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

  • We must all learn contentment in singleness (meaning ourselves alone) whether we are married or single. Sooner or later God comes and demands first place … He wants our full surrender and complete devotion.
  • We need to mature so we can bring something to the relationship. Are you growing in your walk with God? Growing means learning to trust Him and applying his word to our everyday walk. It is trusting him implicitly. Do you trust that God has your best interests at heart?
  • We must be healed. Healing ourselves before entering a lifelong commitment is vital. We all bring baggage to a relationship. How much better to have dealt with your baggage while single. How much wiser to bring a complete and whole person to the man God gives you?

4. Acknowledge You are Never Alone.

  • Are you really alone? "Then Jesus said, Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 Jesus tells us to come to him and He will give us rest ... wonderful rest. Hang on to that truth when the burdens get heavy - Go to Him.
  • "Be content with what you have; for He Himself has said, I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU," Hebrews 13:5 Married or single you are never alone. Jesus wants you to come to Him because He holds the answers to life and all of its mysteries.

5. Realize Many Marrieds are Lonely – Many singles have the thought that marriage will end their loneliness. Let me assure you that marriage will not complete you. In fact, some of the loneliest women I have ever met are married – Their stories are heartbreaking.

Imagine entering into your marriage with anticipation, joy, and thanksgiving. You finally have your hopes and dreams fulfilled. You can't wait to begin your own home and family with your beloved. The future is just beginning with the love of your life and best friend.

Now imagine, after the marriage, the earth-shattering experience of learning you've committed your life to:

  • A man who worked so hard to impress you but now sits back and ignores you.
  • A man who gets more excited about a football game or hunting than he does in spending time with you.
  • A man who is Self-centered and thinks the world revolves around him and his needs.
  • A man who you learn is hooked on pornography and all sense of being his one and only woman is crushed. You feel rejected and forsaken.

Loneliness in Marriage
Loneliness in Marriage | Source

Lonely Marrieds Mourn

A mourning period comes to these precious women after reality hits.

  • They feel trapped (they know what God says: "What God has put together let no man put asunder.") They loose hope, baffled and distraught by the man/woman they thought they knew.
  • They are livid with their spouse ... they feel betrayed. They are angry at themselves for jumping into a lifelong commitment without allowing time to reveal what was inside his heart. These women beat themselves up for marrying someone who was not spiritually strong or maybe an unbeliever. They wish they could turn back the clock and this time listen to the counsel of godly friends who had expressed concern.
  • Agonizing Regret floods their heart as they recall the red flags they ignored while dating.

After a long period of mourning, most of these married women die emotionally. Some will withdraw and stay low .. off the radar .. they don't want anyone to know what a fool they have been. Others will learn that the only answer is to ‘move’ toward God.

The Lonely

True Story Sara's Agony

Sara was an idealistic young woman. Todd was immediately attracted to her radiant smile, tiny frame, kind heart and her deep commitment to God. Both were Christians. After they married Sara felt Todd moving away from her. She tried to engage him in conversation but he deliberately ignored her.

At first Sara thought Todd would snap out of it but after a long period of time; that did not happen. In fact he was going deeper into himself with each year. Sara felt abandoned, alone, neglected and rejected. One day she felt herself being sucked down into the quicksand of depression. Sara couldn't pull herself out of it. Her dreams and belief that God gave her a husband who would cherish and love her were dashed. She lost 20 lbs in a very short period of time. So grieved was she that she lost hope.

Though she felt despondent and confused her deep love for Jesus sent her to the foot of the cross. As she spent time with Jesus, He filled her cup with his love. Sara eventually felt complete in Jesus. It didn't happen overnight but it absolutely did happen. Sara's mourning turned to JOY. A deeper Joy than she ever imagined.

Meanwhile Todd was observing the changes in Sara. Her radiance returned and Todd was more than curious to know what had happened. He actually felt perturbed because her focus was no longer on him. He began to wonder if she loved him.

Sara's journey with Jesus was so attractive that Todd eventually asked her what was going on. Sara told him how she was drawing near to God and that Jesus was giving her joy and contentment. He marveled at how Sara was visibly and internally changed and was captivated by her dignity and peace of mind.

As Todd studied the sweet calm and satisfaction in Sara's life, he too longed to have that peace. God drew Todd to himself through Sara's life. They now have a solid marriage - they enjoy fellowship with God and each other. Please note I did not say perfect .. there is no such thing as a perfect marriage .. but it is the marriage of two people committed to living their lives in obedience to God that brings about great satisfaction.

Sara's choice to turn to God resulted in her own heart being filled up and spilling over. God did not disappoint her. He healed their marriage and continues to teach them both about His faithfulness.

Source

I'm Single and I'm Okay

To wrap up this series I have written about the one who says, I'm Single and I'm Okay. There are two different aspects of this train of thought. The one who is totally satisfied being single can also become self-centered. The one who uses the opportunity of singleness to dig in and grow will blossom into the most beautiful of all women.

Join you soon on the final writing for all the Single Ladies, called I'm Single and I'm Okay.

© 2017 Susan Ream

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    • Mekenzie profile image
      Author

      Susan Ream 2 months ago from Michigan

      Thank you, Dianna, so nice to hear from you! I'm just getting back to some writing, it's been awhile. I'm going to head over to your page to see what you've been writing. Appreciate the encouragement

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 2 months ago

      What a wonderful post for singles. Your words are encouraging and I am sure very helpful to those wanting to live life well.

    • Mekenzie profile image
      Author

      Susan Ream 2 months ago from Michigan

      dashings, welcome and thank you for the read and thoughtful comment. I see you've done a lot of observation and research yourself on the topic of singleness.

      I agree that shared values are vital. My husband and I are both believers. God is the glue that has held us together all these years. In almost every other way, though, we are opposite. If we humble ourselves we learn from each other - it stretches us!

      I agree that one needs to put themselves in the right places to find like-minded people.

      As we seek God in all of our ways, I believe He will direct our paths. He will give us eyes to see beyond physical attraction, etc.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 months ago

      "•They feel trapped (they know what God says: "What God has put together let no man put asunder.") They loose hope, baffled and distraught by the man/woman they thought they knew..."

      We should acknowledge first of all if God really was playing cupid our divorcee rate wouldn't hover around 50%.

      The top three reasons why relationships fail are:

      1. They chose the wrong mate. (Too incompatible)

      2. A "deal breaker" was committed in the eyes of someone.

      3. They fell out of love or stopped wanting the same things.

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another. Compatibility trumps compromise.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      Truth be told when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. It's rare that anyone hits a homerun their first, second, or third time up at bat.

      If this were not true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      Human beings make mistakes but we can also learn from them. Most of us pursue relationships early in our youth before we have yet to figure out who (we) are let alone what we want and need in a mate for life. We allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship decisions.

      It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      God created you and he wants you to be happy.

      Mark 11:24

      "What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them."

      Faith is to believe in what we cannot see and the reward of that faith is to see what we believe. Essentially if you believe or have faith you don't stress about (how).

      The law of attraction does not replace the law of action.

      James 2:17

      "Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead.."

      To put it another way is in order to win the lottery one has to buy a ticket. God has made over 7 Billion people and some of them expect him to place a mate on their doorstep!

      Maybe one should join their churches' single club or consider a Christian Singles online dating site, or do volunteer work where likeminded singles are likely to be.

      Meetup.com is a good place where groups of people with similar hobbies and interest meet monthly.

      Whatever action one takes it's important to have a "mate selection process" or "must haves list" before getting out there.

      Proverbs 3:5-6

      "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."