In an "Everlasting" Search For "Forever" Sometimes We All Just Miss...The Obvious "Point..."
What is the definition of a relationship?
/rɪˈleɪʃənˌʃɪp/ Show Spelled[ri-ley-shuhn-ship] Show IPA noun 1. a connection, association, or involvement. 2. a connection between persons by blood or marriage. 3. an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students. 4. a sexual involvement; affair.
The results from dictionary.com above shows many literal meanings, but what is the emotional meaning; the "other"? What is the physical, yet personal meaning for an individual? What does it mean in life? How is it formed? What feeds it? What detracts from it? Is it merely a word to be defined or is it really a word that can only be defined by a feeling that develops, blossoms, creeps up on you and needs nurturing, a sense of security, individuality, togetherness, respect, a longing for knowledge about another, a companionship, the simple pleasure of a smile, a touch, a hug from behind while tasking, the knowing in and belief formed by being there for important milestones or achievements, or small, yet significant, milestones or achievements to the other person? Is it support through the trials and tribulations; having a thirst to please another and make them happy without regard for yourself, hence forming a relationship that will define "forever"?
There are many people with many different perspectives on what a relationship is, exactly, and the actions and words that come along with one. The people who (from the beginning) go at it full force, head first and sometimes end up with their feet in the air flailing instead of a feeling of floating on air, which is where they believe "it" should be. The people who, at first, seem to be nourishing the relationship, adding to it, wanting it, needing the other person, but end up not really being involved in it at all or taking their pasts and shoving them (whether they are cognizant of it or not) into a new relationship, thereby, shielding themselves from any type of caring and pushing the person so far away that the relationship goes into a state of disrepair just as quickly as it (may have appeared to have) formed. The people who have no intention of a relationship at all....yet the other person still believes and wants it and the one who started it all believes they want it too.....so here we go bouncing along wondering which person we are, which person they are...or you are...not one ever really knowing which is which and what ..questions...answers...certainty...uncertainty....craziness...longing...unlonging...wanting to be alone wanting to be together...where does it go from here?
In the quest to find that "one true" partner that will add new meaning to our life? Does that person really exist for us? We have all been through many things along the journey to try to build a relationship that will be "forever". People who have touched us in so many ways that are good and bad through, whether through words and actions. It is hard to say what we are really looking for until we find it, but we have all learned bits and pieces of what we are looking for to fulfill that yearning and what we will cognizantly avoid. We want the one that incognizantly we still believe in....no matter where we go or end up...or believe ourselves to be...we want that one true person we think of when all else does not mean anything at all.
On the journey of learning we all have our "first". The one who first takes hold of our heart and forms the "foundation", if you will, of who we start to become in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. They sweep us off our feet and we are "in love". We are naive...they are naive, but we are trying to form an "adult" relationship and we are young. We have the naivety, yet, with it we hope that our love will outlast all time. Some do it...they find it...they grow with another in a relationship that starts with nothing and continues with one knowing the other, getting to know the other, growing with the other...and they blossom together. and it is a garden built on excellent roots..young and unsteady, but they weather the storms and make them older and sturdy with the fertilizatio...for the rest...the seed does not blossom, yet hope blooms again.
It blooms, at first, with the attraction to the physical features of the person, the outside that we think reflects the inside of that person. We are both the people that we are at that time; alive, wanting more. We are "head over heals" and it is a wonderful and glorious new feeling that which is new and we haven't yet experienced. Then in an instant or a moment's decision or through growth in one and not the other or through a bad decision by one or the other or both, the relationship suddenly feels and, also, definitively ends up broken and we feel like we are broken, as well. We have learned that we can love. We have been there, we have experienced it, but now going forward and hurdling it seems to be an impossibility we can't see ourselves getting past. It is because going forward will admit that we failed and makes us feel weak and cautious....less ourselves because if we expose ourselves we are vulnerable....so we suddently become guarded and less giving and believe this relationship defines us and makes us less than what we are....we stop putting ourselves out there. We have learned, we have been changed, we feel like we will never be the same.
Then, finally, we move on and we no longer feel hurt or anger. We have come to a realization. We have taken the steps to analyze and find that it was the mere idea of love that thrilled us and we still truly believe that we will find it. That "they" are out there also in the search. We begin anew with another relationship and we go forward full blast as if we are the firecracker ready to be lit. An endless supply as if reliving the 4th of July over and over and this "firecracker" and "leg-bending in the air" mentality to us seems like it could be and very well has to be in endless supply because it has beset our mentality, our heart, and to us, truly "defines" us. We can do this; we can overcome no matter how many explosions beseach our being....they cannot destroy our belief that there is someone who will take over our heart....sooth our soul...understand, accept, and respect who we are....someone who will truly believe in us.
The new feeling gives us strength..gives us new meaning, but when we find that we are headed toward the same exploding-"dud" firecracker we do not pull away. We want to strap it on and have someone light it up with feeling anyway, going forward in the hope that what we know and what we feel are different somehow. We underestimate ourselves in the "illusion". We let go of senses that we should never part with and we shove forward into a relationship that changes us further. It can further "damage" our idea if we let it, but we want this and we can take it and we can (if nothing else) learn so much more about ourselves and others. We want to grow stronger and more adept. We are learning what we want and what we do not want and we find that we are much stronger than we thought. We can play ourselves as victims, but we aren't victims...we wanted to believe just as quickly as the other person put it in front of us. We held onto the hope that what we saw and felt was what was not really there and that which was "there" for us would bring us to "forever".
So as easy it appears we can begin to let ourselves be pessimists and believe that people are made in bulk much simplified and alike, as if all being bulk made rockets and that the past will hold true and they will be the same no matter what experience there is to draw from on our behalf. We believe, although we know we cannot do that and we do continue to just hang onto the past too as if it will "shield" our hearts and "keep" our lessons learned and intact, our subconcious "in an order", but our heart "still wants and needs" to keep the hope alive and move forward. We "try" to believe that others are different and we continue to search because we know that we are not like anyone else, but we are still searching for an explosion...not like the ones we have found, but better; therefore maybe one of those Acme rockets is not identical in nature and will actually work to bring us to the height of "forever"...hence....we do strap it on and keep trying...because we hope that that bulk rocket might very well turn out to bring us to victory...conquering the untouchable and helping us to to find the person that is to be unique...original..an anomaly that we have been waiting for...and in doing this we have to let go of our singed ego..and curled tail (the coyote feeling), if you will, and make ourselves grow a totally new tail...and ego...because that is the only way to truly let go and start anew....so that we can we know we have aimed better and we have found better or that we can aim better next time. One does not only have to listen closer, but use all senses to feel all that is felt from each experience, yet at the same time let go of the negativity...let go of the hurt and start truly brand new in order to be truly open in the quest to find "forever".
Yes, the costs seem to far outway the pleasure when it turns out not to be "real", yet, there is not cost when it is there....it is not a rocket...it is not a firework...they fizzle and fade very quickly....a flash...a spark...then gone....if you are looking for that...keep strapping on that rocket...you find it every time, but if you are looking for "forever"....there is a spark..a fire when it begins...a dud in everyday if you make it that...a spark you see in a look...a moment in everyday....a knowing...a known...a joy to the other you give...a joy received...a support in everyday....a sense when you are needed...a sense when the other is needed....a continuous cyle of a rocket with then without fire that feeds the norm that you know is your own....you do not have to strap on a rocket...you do not have to gasp for air or wonder what the other person is doing or stress in the fact that we all continue to do it hoping that one day we will see it....there it is in the normal everyday the "one" standing there and believing...a spark...a norm..a sense...a nothingness...a thing...a longing...a distance...a person...a decision....what it is....and we ask....what is it that we want and need what is it that they want and need?...it has nothing to do with either....it is in the not needing or wanting that we find that which picks us up or lays us down......it is the everyday normalcy....the simplicity....the person who invokes in us...who we are without change or need for change...they smile when they see us....they think of us...they know us..they accept us....there is NO ROCKET....there are heights and victories...and lows...but without sparks or duds....just a natural innate respect, loving, and caring running within us for the other that binds and secures the everyday.....and if they cannot pick us up and/or heal us and we cannot do the same we at least know...we think of each other and smile in the thought...when together the reality slips away...if only for that time...then a reminder and a smile comes whether we want it to or not...own it..take it...
no need for a rocket at all because the heights and victories or sheer comfortable everydays will define an everyday...."forever spark".