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- Relationship Problems & Advice
Sorry excuse or excuse me, so sorry
Don't say it if you don't mean it...
It amazes me how someone/anyone can cause and or inflict so much pain on others and still somehow manage to make it about themselves, and their pain, their suffering, their sadness, their feelings of regret and or sorrow-or worse, excuse or justify, what they did, do, or said, that contributed, caused, or inflicted the pain. If you’re sorry or apologetic, and show humility and are truly seeking forgiveness and mercy from those you have harmed, then their feelings and what they are going through, and what they have to say, should take precedence over anything you might be feeling, going through, or thinking. At least if you truly want or are seeking to repair or remedy that relationship.
This in no way and by no means entitles that you be a punching bag or doormat to anyone you are seeking to make amends with or are or may be seeking forgiveness and mercy from. Merely that, if you are humble, contrite, and sincere, in your effort or desire to remedy and or rectify a situation with someone, it helps if you listen to and consider putting his or her needs and feelings ahead of your own. If you are busy making excuses, trying to justify, defend, and explain your side, your feelings, your opinion, your reasons, for doing and or saying whatever it is that you did or may have done or said, that caused that person pain, how sorry can you be?
I mean, I know when I feel sorrow for something I did, done, or may have said, I try to give that person their due respect and listen to whatever it is they feel I have done or did that may have hurt them or caused them pain-so long as they give me that same right and respect. I don’t need to yell or curse, scream, or name call, nor do I need to make physical threats, we are after all, supposed to be adults, but if that’s asking too much, ‘playground rules’ should still apply. The fact that we’re family is the saddest part of this tale, names withheld, to respect their privacy.
Still, as sorry as I am for whatever it is or was that warrants being disowned from my family, I cannot and will not continue to listen and take and endure listening to any and all unsolicited opinions, comments, criticisms, advice, or the silence and in some cases, complete ostracism. In other words, denying my existence at all. In fact, I prefer that anyone and everyone that feels I am not worthy of their respect to feel free to do the same. Pretend that I do not exist, or that I was ever born, that way I can save my breath, love, and my energy, for all those that choose to remain in my life, have chose to be a part of my life, that have always been a part of my life, that will always be a part of my life, that have chose and choose to love and respect me and my life and want to be a part of my life. Not because they have to, but because they want to, chose to, choose to. I know, it’s crazy to me too, but some people actually, genuinely like me and some actually love me, so much so, they even somehow manage to ‘tolerate’ having me around.
Sorry is just a word, just like unconditional love is just a concept, the same way the phrase ‘til death do you part,’ is just that, a phrase or is it a phase? The point is, none of it means anything, words are just words and phrases are just phases, if the people saying, uttering them, stating them, do not mean them, understand them, live them, or believe in them. Then again, not everyone seems to agree or see things in the same way or takes things quite as literal as I do. I won’t apologize for that, I don’t make apologies nor offer excuses for what I have done or did in the past, I sought and seek my penance from God.
I forgive and have forgiven, I’ve sought forgiveness, and I seek and need it every day, in every way. Just please don’t tell me you’re sorry, feign, or pretend, remorse, if you are not sincere. If I am truly sorry, for whatever it is that I’ve done or may have did, then I need to think about the persons/people I’ve hurt, enough to be considerate and respectful and listen as to how my actions, choices, and decisions, have affected and impacted them. If that person is unwilling or unable to extend forgiveness and or show mercy, even after all that, then that is on them, nothing I say or do can undo what has already been done, or did.
If we find ourselves apologizing or saying we’re sorry on more occasions than we like however, perhaps we either need to reassess and or re-evaluate ourselves and what we are doing, did, say, or said, or we need to be more select in those we associate with or subject ourselves to. Saying ‘empty’ and meaningless words and phrases says nothing and means even less, if that’s all they are, are meaningless and or empty. Sorry can mean a whole lot and can make and mean all the difference in the world, so long as the apologies are sincere and heartfelt. Nevertheless, if we find ourselves repeating the same old behaviors and saying sorry for the same old things, over and over again, then we should not be surprised if the people or persons we are apologizing to, doubt our sincerity or question just how sorry we really are.