- Gender and Relationships
Formula For Effective Communication - How To Communicate Effectively
The Cycle of Communication
The formula for effective communication is a simple one. Why then do relationships too often suffer from communication breakdowns? Why don't people communicate effectively? In order to answer those questions one has to understand exactly what a communication cycle is - a complete communication cycle.
If you are originating a communication then you are the source point. You hold a position as the source of the communication. You have an intention, from the intention comes a vision of that which you desire to communicate. That is the point where the non-physical and the physical instrument, your body form a partnership, your mind formulates a plan, you implement the plan by delivering your communication and you get a result - your communication arrives and is duplicated by your chosen target. This is the paradigm of your ability to communicate. If your paradigm is functioning correctly the result of your communication will match your vision. If that does not happen, something is out somewhere along the path. That something could be you, it could be your intention, it could be your vision or it could be your implementation. If the outcome of your communication does not produce the desired result trace back along the paradigm path and find out what is out.
If you do not have a clear vision of what it is that you are wanting to communicate you stand the proverbial snowball's chance of effectively delivering your message. If you do not know and understand your subject the other person is not going to "get it". How many times have you walked away after trying to talk to someone, shaking your head saying, "She/he just doesn't get it!" You are the source, therefore you are the one who is responsible for seeing that the other does get it.
So there you are, the source and as the source you have something that you wish to impart to another. You are right here, right now and you have an intention to communicate a particular item. Further, you have a clear vision of what it is you want to communicate. Clear in that the vision does not contain any preconceived notions and precepts. It is also vital that you do not have any preconceived notions and precepts about the other - "he never listens", "she doesn't care what I think", The first part of the formula is in place, you, your intention, and your vision.
In planning to communicate it is vital that the other be included in that plan. Too often we are so busy figuring out what we want to say we barely notice the person we want to say it to. I mean really notice, where are they, where is their attention, what mood are they in. If you don't get the other person there your communication will, quite literally, miss the mark. It is interesting that the word sin is defined as "missing the mark".
Delivering Your Communication
Are you present or is your attention fixed elsewhere. Is your intention off? Do you need to be right? Are you making the other person wrong? Is your vision full of precepts, misunderstandings, no understanding, preconceived notions about your subject or the person you are communicating with? Did you even have a plan? Did you chose an appropriate mood level to deliver your communication with. What about your implementation? Did you deliver with certainty and confidence? Did you even notice what was going on at the receipt point of your communication? Where was the attention of the other? Were was their attention when you delivered your communication? What was their mood? Did your communication get acknowledged?
Ideally you would start with having something of value that you wished to share with another or others along with a clear vision and understanding of that which you wish to impart. It can be knowledge that is vital to the other, it can be an idea that you have that will add to and improve an area, or it could be something that is going to lift and elevate the mood of the other. In reality your communication can be doomed before it even leaves your airspace. Right there, at the source, you, the communication cycle can be sabotaged before it is even put out into the physical universe.
There is you, there is your "target". The first action is to ensure that both you and your target are "there", present. Otherwise you are just talking to yourself and they have special homes for people that do that. That is because to communicate to someone who is not there is quite insane. It is an insanity that we repeat over and over again expecting a different outcome - crazy! If your target isn't there - get them there. Make sure they are present and that you have their attention.
Now that you are both present it is simply A to B. A = You, B = the Other. You put your communication out over a communication line, it is received and duplicated at the other end, the other person retrieves the required response from their own bank of knowledge and delivers a response. Is that the end of the communication cycle? No it is not.
In order for a cycle of communication to be considered complete there must be an acknowledgment. Failure to acknowledge the receipt of a communication can and does produce an upset. It is such a simple thing to do and yet it is so seldom done. All it takes is a thank you or I got that even a simple okay can suffice. What we usually do instead is pile another communication cycle on before we have even completed the first one! More insanity.
You Cannot Fake It Until You Make It - Presence Is Vital To Effective Communication
An awful lot can go wrong getting a communication from A to B if you do not have a full understanding of the full cycle of communication. Simple A to B if you follow the formula. Lots of upset if you do not. So if your set-up is optimum you will not have to put the up in front of set - you will have the ability to communicate effectively. And that is an extremely valuable ability!
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