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Stopping An Affair

Updated on January 18, 2010

Is It Simple?

In my opinion, no. But not according to writer Hale E. Vabeech. He or she had this to say. I've shortened it down a lot to include only a little of the article.

If you are reading this right now I am guessing that you need more information to save your marriage from an affair and possibly a divorce. Have you and your spouse been going through a lot lately? There's nothing to be ashamed because many couples go through times like this. When this happens it is natural for both parties to seek comfort and advice elsewhere. However this does not mean that they should cheat on you. Using a reverse cell phone directory today could save your marriage and prevent a divorce from happening. Here are just a few reasons why you need to consider doing one today. By Hale E. Vabeech

I agree with the author that if your spouse is still only in the talking stage then there is a good chance of nipping it in the bud. But one thing the author doesn't consider is if your spouse is already set on cheating and has already put the wheels in motion then there really is very little you can do about it. One must take responsibility for his/her part in an affair but most people don't and why should they when they can put all the blame on the cheater and take no responsibility for their own actions. Besides it looks alot better and feels alot better when you are getting sympathy from your family, friends, the people at church. It feels good to make the cheater look as bad as possible maybe even be shunned by the people he once called friends. It is human nature to want to point the finger at the cheater and never reverse that finger.

Don't let someone else fill your spouses needs writes Mr/Ms Vabeech. I agree however, by the time you discover the cell phone records how do you know if talking is all that has went on or much more. You don't, you have to rely on what your spouse tells you and I guarantee he/she is very unlikely to lay it all on the line and come clean just because you found a few phone calls. He or she will make you look like an idiot and feel even worse for even doubting him/her. Therefore you are left with simply taking his word for it. And if she is cheating she's going to go right on doing it with you being none the wiser. Or so he or she hopes.

If your spouse has already started talking to someone else then alot of damage has already been done to the relationship whether you want to admit it or not and whether you even recognize it. The truth is, if all you find are phone calls, that may be all it is but on the other hand it may be much more.

I don't think doing a reverse cell phone search is a bad idea, in fact I think it's a great idea however when you decide to do it you are admitting you don't know if you can trust your spouse and that's as good as not trusting him/her because if you did you wouldn't think to even do this search in the first place.

What I find the most unappealing about the authors article is that he/she is almost inviting people to be idiots. When you confront your spouse about phone calls he or she is not going to automatically come clean and tell the truth at least not in most cases. When you confront a spouse about calls the answer is almost always going to be the same. "I'm not cheating, I would never hurt you like that, you're paranoid" or something along those lines. So how do you know if he's telling the truth? The only way to know is to catch her. And just because you find no proof doesn't mean she's not cheating, it just means she was smart enough to not get caught.

Don't let it get past the point of no return. By Hale E. Vabeech, Well, I'd like to know how one knows when it's past that point. You have only your spouses word which may not be worth the ground he's standing on. On the other hand he may be telling the truth. It's really up to you to decide what to believe and what not to. If you decide to believe your spouse, remember this, if he/she was cheating you can guarantee he/she will be smarter next time and will go even further to make sure he doesn't get caught. You can bank on it.

You can stop anything physical from happening. You might be able to but more than likely you aren't going to be able to stop it. This isn't saying if you catch it in time you can't go to a therapist and save your marriage. That said, if your spouse is considering an affair or is headed in that direction then you need a therapist or you will be checking phone records, his/her car and a myriad of other things to see if he/she is cheating. And if you do manage to catch a spouse before the deed is done doesn't mean you will be lucky twice.

If he/she is talking to someone doesn't mean the marriage is over but it is a wakeup call.

Can you really stop an affair? Honestly I don't have a clearcut answer for that question. What I do know is it's best to communicate with your spouse and find out what if anything is bothering him/her. There are no guarantees in life and with the divorce rate as high as it is you certain;y have no warranties when it comes to marriage and relationships. All you can do is go into and hope for the best and if it does end know that's how life is. Sometimes you get what you want and sometimes you don't. Just be optimistic and know it wasn't your fault entirely. You are in the relationship 50/50 no matter what the cheater tries to say and know in the initial stages he or she will try to blame you. It's human nature to try and avoid responsibility. It's also human nature to avoid conflict and that's the biggest reason for lying. That and the cheater doesn't usually want to give up what he/she has.

Going to the bottom of the authors article I see where he/she has given a link to an affiliate site. This was the purpose of the article i nthe first place. I have nothing against this, from time to time I place links to my affiliate programs. I just think she could have found something better to write about than catching a would be cheater with a reverse cell phone search. Besides if you're going to try to stop his talking you may as well find out from the beginning if there is more going on than talking. And do this before you ever say anything about phone calls because he/she is going to deny those and you've accomplished nothing other than making yourself appear paranoid or whatever other word he/she tries to convince you, you are.

Be smart, do a cell phone search. You should do it if you suspect your spouse is cheating. But don't do it every time you fight or go through some rough times. That's just saying you trust your spouse. And that can be just as damaging as the cheating itself.

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