Teenage Intimate Partner Violence

When someone mentions safety planning for teens, one almost automatically thinks about the words, “Wrap It Up!” a well-known phrase for practicing safe sex. I know as a parent the thoughts that maybe going through your head when you see the words; teenage intimate partner violence. Your first thought would be, “Oh no, not my child!” Well let me set your mind at ease a little; intimacy does not necessary mean your child is having sex. Intimate partner can simply mean that your princess or prince has someone that she or he feels friendship with, cherished by, or loved enough to confide in, trust, with the possibilities of it leading to sex later on. While everyone is familiar with the slogan, “Wrap It Up!” and what it details; do you know what NDVH or ACADV means and have you discussed it with your children?

The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence is a nonprofit organization established in 1978 as an organization dedicated to working toward a peaceful society where domestic violence no longer exits. Domestic violence is usually thought to be a family affair that occurs mostly through spousal abuse and sometimes the abuse of the children. However, the ACADV and NDVH (National Domestic Violence Hotline) have an entire webpage dedicated to teen dating violence. Have you discussed with your teenagers how to recognize and report violence in dating relationships?

It is estimated that more than 3.3 million children are exposed to physical and verbal spousal abuse each year. Exposure in this case means that children are seeing or hearing the actual abuse or dealing with the aftermath of the abuse. Naturally a percentage of these kids in turn wind up being abused or the abuser in their own relationships. ACADV reveals statistics showing that one in three teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship. Dating violence occurs when one partner tries to sustain power and control over the other by way of abuse. This abuse can be emotional or mental, sexual, and physical, or a combination of all four. There are also some astounding statistics on just how bad a problem this type of domestic abuse is:

• Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of intimate violence – nearly 20 percent of every 1000 women within this age group.
• Approximately, 1 out of every 3 high school students and 1 in 5 college females has been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.
• Every 40 out of 100 teenage girls between the ages of 14 to 17 know someone who has been hit or beaten by their boyfriend.
• Between 30 to 50 percent of female high school students have already experienced teen dating violence.
• In the homes of one of the partners is where teen dating violence occurs most often.
• 60 percent out of a survey of 500 young women were involved in an ongoing abusive relationship.
• 38 percent of date rape victims were young women between the ages of 14 10 17 years old.
• 68 percent of raped young women know their attacker either as a boyfriend, friend, or casual acquaintance..
• More than 4 in every 10 incidents of domestic violence involve non-married persons.

The above statistics were provided via the Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000. You probably found the statistics alarming as I did however; keep in mind that these statistics are almost ten years old, so the percentages most likely are higher now.

One thing you must know is that love is never ever abuse. It is just unfortunate that many times it is our loved ones that can hit and hurt you the most. DoSomething.org’s created a re-enactment in March ’09 of the police report filed after the Chris/Rihanna incident happened. This disturbing public service announcement highlighted the “1 in 3” statistic and told kids to send for “black & blue” bracelets. Within 5 weeks over 55,000 kids requested the free bracelets most citing that they were requesting them for friends they knew that were dealing with abuse. DoSomething.org is the largest national organization dedicated to teens and social change. If you are a victim to mental abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, or physical abuse from your teenage partner or another loved one; you can get help.

• Extreme jealousy
• Controlling behavior
• Quick involvement
• Unpredictable mood swings
• Alcohol and drug use
• Explosive anger
• Isolates you from friends and family
• Uses force during an argument

• Shows hypersensitivity
• Believes in rigid sex roles
• Blames others for his problems or feelings
• Cruel to animals or children
• Verbally abusive
• Abused former partners
• Threatens violence

• Physical signs of injury
• Truancy, dropping out of school
• Failing grades
• Indecision
• Changes in mood or personality

• Use of drugs/alcohol
• Pregnancy
• Emotional outburst
• Isolation

Parents talk to your children or if you are in an abusive relationship get help for yourself and your children. Abusers use words, physical strength, and the power of manipulation through convincing you that they need to make all the decisions; putting you down in front of your friends; or pulling you away from your friends; threatening to kill themselves; stalking you; taking control over you; or forcing you to have sex.

If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, talk to your parents or another adult family member, a school counselor or teacher, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). DO NOT believe the lie that he or she will never do it again…They will over and over again. Domestic Violence is a disease that is crippling individuals, damaging humanity, and killing way too many of our love ones! Hey, get the word out, “Yes, it is important to “Wrap It Up,” however, “Stop the Abuse First or Walk Away!"