The 4 Loves: How to Live a Practical Love Life

The problem is that some adults think they've known everything about love. For example: 18yrs old+ are considered as matured. However, knowing much about love does not mean you know how to make it practical.

Irrespective of what you already known about the topic of love, here you'll learn things about the four types of love and how to apply them in four areas of life namely, family, relationship, friendship, plus Generally.

The affection you show to your lover, your husband or wife, your child, friend, parents, your family members and your neighbor can be more practical than usual if you start by learning about the four loves, and then see how practical they can be in this three aspects.

Did You know?

The Greek words for love cover all the practical aspects of showing or demonstrating affection in more practical ways. Learning about them will certainly enhance your love, and help you become more practical in your acts of showing love. You will also learn just one aspect you need to avoid, that is the mistake the Greeks made.

We will discourse the four words used by the Greeks to describe the four types of love, they are:

• Stor.ge
• Eros
• Agape and,

• Philos

  And the four dimensions are: In Family, Relationship and in Friendships plus General.

The root words for love.

The Greeks have four basic words used in various ways to describe the quality of love. The first in the above list is storge. What is storge and how can you show it?

This is often the word used to describe or refer to the mutual affection that exists between members of the same family. If you are a member of an extended family, this aspect may of course interest you greatly.

However, you are a member of an extended family or not, you are certainly not alone in your family. In fact, the word “alone” does not exist as long as family is concern.

According to one writer, namely, C.S Lewis, he wrote that “the word sto.rge has been described as the most natural, emotive and widely diffused of loves”. How is that so and why?

Storge is “Natural, in that it is present without coercion”.

“Emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity”.

“Widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed valuable or worthy of love”.

What does Knowing this help us? It will help us not to let resentment lead into enmity with a member of our family. Seeing that we owe then love and affection irrespective of what may happen. That is exactly what this writer meant. But there is more to that.

After mentioning that family affection i.e. stor.ge, “pays the least attention to those Characteristics deemed valuable or worthy of love”. The author quoted earlier says, “as a result, is able to transcend discriminating factors”.

Pause for a while and think.

According to him, among the four Greek words for love, Stor.ge is the “most natural in that it is present without coercion”. How may this statement be explained?

This is to say that, the love that should exist between a man (or woman) and his wife, husband, children, and other family members should be the kind of love that is natural and without coercion, i.e. such love cannot be induced nor is it an ignited affection, like a spark of light that gets abated easily. No. In fact, it is an inborn or already-made tendency that should always be there.

Secondly, "the most emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity". That's to say that it is not an instantaneous love but needs time for familiarity and fondness.

This underscores the point why in some certain families the members do not have that family attachment that should exist between family members. This is mostly due to lack of familiarity and fondness. Sometimes, some parents allow work and pursuit of material things to rub them of the time that their family needs.

For Example:

In my own family this is the case. What caused it is that, my parents leaved afar off from most of their children, this lead to the frustration of that natural closeness that should have existed between parents and children, resulting to the loss of the natural affection. Do not let this happen to your family.

The result of such course of action is that the children will not feel that emotive affection for their parents. In fact, some children may even forget they have mother or father. Checking or even calling to know how their parents are become very hard.

As a mother, father or parents, to make your love more practical and to increase the happiness of your family, you must follow this course of love of stor.ge. You must create more time for the sake of your family. Do not let work take all your time that you have little or no time for your children, wife or husband. After all, for family members to be practical in their love for each other, they must first make time for each other.

Thirdly, "The most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed valuable or worthy of love".

That is to say that stor,ge as love between family members, involves undeserved affection to those whom one thinks do not merit it. That is why a mother or father should not disown a child irrespective of what he has down. Likewise, couples that have this kind of love will not think of divorce at all as the only means to resolve a marital problem that seems impossible to manage.

"It is able to transcend most discriminating factors" says Lewis

Storge "Has the appearance of being built-in, or ready-made. And as a result, people come to expect or even demand its presence irrespective of their behavior and it natural consequences".

If you meditate just on the few points already discoursed and make it more practical to yourself, from now on, try your very best to let that natural affection be evident in your family if you've not been doing so as a father, mother or children.

There is something else we need to learn from the love of storge.

How does the love storge, discoursed here proved that love does not always goes with sexual pleasure, as always portrays in entertainment world today?

Think about this.

In movies, when the word love is portrayed, it always tends to go with sexual pleasures and emissions. The characters may always tend to equate love to sexual pleasures, but as one aspect of love which we've already talked about have shown, that when the word love is used generally, it does not always involve sexual pleasures.

You doubt the above statement?

Well, to many it may be yes! While others may say: 'depending on the love you mean'.

That's actually correct, since there are about four type of loves. From the one just discoursed, we see that while love will always involve emotions but it does not always involve sexual pleasures or feelings of attraction.

Storge therefore is love, but though you may have affection for your family members, there are always no sexual feelings and there should be none. That is love of storge-in its basic meaning.

Do not always misunderstand the general use of the word 'love' to the general use of the word 'sex'. I mean, they do not always mingle.

However, for many people when the word love is mentioned, or they hear the word "i love you", they may likely get off course. What may always down in their mind is the next word used by the the Greeks in describing love which we will now consider.

Aros can be define as passionate love, with sexual desires and longings.

The modern Greek word "erotas" which have similar meaning with eros, means 'intimate love, sexual love or passionate love.

However, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. If not, one will certainly misunderstand it, especially if you are of the view that 'love is sex and sex is love'.

According to one source, it says that 'even though eros involves passionate love, it can be interpreted as love for someone whom you love more than 'philia '(to be discourse soon).

Therefore, eros accordingly applies to dating relationship as well as in marriage. Unlike storge discoursed earlier, eros is not natural in nature (though the passion associated with it may be natural) and should not be shown to everyone. It is a love that involves Oath or covenant-it is better expressed in the bracket of covenant or marriage. Even, it should have a limit when it comes to just dating relationship.

While storge as an aspect of love can be shown irrespective of gender, eros is a love that demands gender differences-the opposite sex (though eros could also apply to the romantic attraction between people of the same gender, like those who are gay or lesbian).

Eros, is that part of our nature that yearn for romantic affection and procreation. In fact, eros is the desire to have sex, and that is why it is often associated with sex.

That is why, anyone could feel such emotions to the opposite sex no matter how one may try to control his or herself, it is just right there! And that is what makes it so desirous, tempting, instantaneous, and deceptive.

Therefore, it is more better for one who do not understand the different kinds of love and their meaning, not to refer such emotions as love in a general sense, this could easily create a misconception in the minds and easily turn love as used generally as only emotional flip-flop which can easily erode ones' reasonableness and cloud ones' judgment to what each kind of love basically means, which can obscure the practical ways to practice or show them.

Looking at the entertainment industries and the societies today, you can easily understand that they are patterned according to the view of eros (sexual love).

This kind of love is what entertainment industries mostly portray while forgetting that when the word is used generally, it is hard to determine which kind it is. While portraying erotic love, they often let go of the other aspects of love. This could be very deceptive, because the same letters that forms the erotic love is still the same letters that forms the other kinds of love, namely L.O.V.E.

It may interest you to know therefore, what had laid the ground work for the entertainment industries today, that makes erotic love so interesting to portray in love song and movies.

It is something about erotic love. No. I do not mean about eros as romantic love itself but how it was idolized and worshiped.

In what

The mistakes committed by the ancient Greeks regarding the romantic love called by them as eros is in place today. Actually, the word eros, is the name of one of the Greek gods. The Greeks worshiped eros as god, (according to the symposium of plato) bow to his altar and even offer sacrifices to the god eros.

According to history, Eros may be regarded as Greeks god of romantic love. Both the male and female could dance around the god eros, naked or nude while perhaps having sex at it base. Such worship of sexual love only brought degradation, debauchery and dissolution.

True, neither the god eros, nor the Greeks themselves originated the quality of romantic love. No. it is godly and in fact, it is a gift of great value.

However, sad to say, because of such immoral worship and idolizing the romantic quality of affection as a god, the normal view of the romantic love- what it is, how it should be practiced, when it should be practiced, and whom it should be shown to-was almost completely lost, and thus, was replace with the view that love always involves sex. Love is sex and sex is love has become the normal view of nowadays.

This is exactly what had led the ground work for how people today view love and sex. That is the ground work that has become the model down to today.

Sad to say, but it is really true, that many love song and movies today, are patterned according to the distorted view of the Greeks. This has made it so hard for many, especially young ones, to distinguish between love and sex or the proper view of love and sex.

While there are other word the Greeks used in describing other kinds of love as we are considering, eros was the most popular and influential because of the honor given to it and because the practice of such sexual love fulfilled one of the basic need of humans-the desire to have sex and the in-searchable sexual desires of those who practiced them.

As noted earlier, the Greeks did not originate romantic love-eros. Therefore, erotic love, when shown or practiced in a proper way, fulfills the basic human need of affection from the opposite sex.

Do you get it?

Another word the Greeks used to describe the quality of affection. What does it mean?

The word is the most familiar word among the four, however, many finds it hard to differentiate it from storge.

The love agape, is an unconditional love, that is, it is not subject to any condition. This makes it quite similar to storge, but yet different.

It could be referred as general affection rather than attraction. It may also be refer as the feeling of contentment or holding one in high regards.

According to Professor William Barclay, he explained that "agape has to do with the mind, it is not simply an emotion that rises unbidden in our hearts: it is principle by which we deliberately live. Agape has supremely to do with the will".

So off course, agape love is love governed by principles and accompanied by deep emotions.

You are genius if you ask: What kind of principles?

There are good and bad principles, godly and ungodly. So we mean the good principles of life, which even without being religious, your conscience will still let you be aware of it.

Again, agape is the word used when describing God's love for humans and the mother/father's love for her children.

Mother And Baby

The most effective way to illustrate the love agape, is the love that exist between a mother and her new born baby. If you are a mother, off course you do no need to be told of how you feel about your baby or even your children.

Mothers always have that natural emotion of affection-tender affection of compassion-which is in-built and so powerfully emotional that some mothers cannot hold it seeing their baby feel pain, shed tear, cry or even feel hungry.

Do you feel that way mother?

According to one source, the Greek word, Philadelphia means 'brotherly affection and phi lo-storgos means 'tender affection'. All refers to showing affectionate love, kindness, sympathy and offering help as in a family circle, friendship and mates.

In his book, the four love. C. S. Lewis explains that 'philos is used to explain a general type of love. However, It is also used for love between family and friends (opposite or the same sex)'.

'Philos is a desire or enjoyment of activities done together as friends as well as between lovers'.

Therefore, when agape exists but philos is lacking, it can't be said there is true affection. In fact, for agape to exist, this general type of affection must be in evidence first.

All the other types of love must be accompanied by love of philos to make them true love. There is no real love without philos.

Thus, we can define true or real love, base on the following classifications.

1. SAME FAMILY MEMBERS.

Love in the same family members are as follows;

• Husband and wife, which should have the following love quality combinations-Eros, Agape, Storge and philos.( the four must be presence to make a real love)
• Brothers-brothers, brothers-sisters or sisters-sisters. Which should have the following love quality combinations-storge, philos and agape.
• Mother/Father-children, which have the following combinations-agape, philos and storge.

2. RELATIONSHIP.

• Courtship, which have the following combinations-Eros (in a very limited way), philos, storge and agape.
• Marriage, with the following combinations-Eros (limitless), storge, agape and philos.

3. FRIENDSHIP.

• Opposite sex, with the following combination-philos and agape.

• Same sex, with the same combination-philos and agape.

  It is not how much we know about love, but how well we apply all its principles and combinations in all the three discoursed areas that prove we are loving.