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Forgiving Your Ex-Spouse and Becoming Free

Updated on November 25, 2017
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Stevie G. is a Life Coach, Educator and Researcher. He is the founder of Infinite Visionary Training Center in Minnesota.

Amanda just couldn’t get over her bitterness and anger. How could he leave her this way? She had nothing of her own to fall back on. The house, the car and all the other comforts were gone for good. In the attic of her daughter’s small house, she looked out of the window at the slow drizzle that had been falling all day. She never thought she would be in this situation, having to depend on her daughter for the basic necessities of life. How could he serve her divorce papers without warning? She doubted she would ever find the heart to forgive him.

In Today’s society, decisions to divorce are occurring at an increasingly alarming rate, a trend that threatens to destroy the foundation of the family as we know it. The consequences of divorce are even more devastating resulting in heartaches, anguish and an inability to forgive our ex-spouse. We hold grudges deep within our hearts day after day, blaming our long gone partner for ruining some of the precious years of our lives.

The Consequence of Un-Forgiveness

But the inability to forgive our ex-spouse, even after a possible bitter divorce, is one of the biggest mistakes we can make against ourselves. When we refuse to forgive, we are in endanger of destroying our own sense of dignity. Stress, a sense of victimization and anguish will eat away at our energy and strength, the core of our existence.

In addition, studies have found that the lack of forgiveness can create serious health problems, including cancer. When we allow bitterness, anger and depression to accumulate within us, such negativity can prevent the proper functioning of our immune system, opening the door for sickness and disease.

Developing a Forgiveness Consciousness

In order to forgive our ex-spouse and regain our freedom, we must develop a forgiveness consciousness based on truth and gratitude. A forgiveness consciousness is a mindset that is willing to accept and release the reality of the divorce and move forward into the newness of life. This type of mindset is thankful for the good times shared together with another human being while adapting a new outlook on life.

Developing a forgiveness consciousness begins with forgiving ourselves first. Many times one spouse end up blaming herself for the breakup of the relationship. However, it takes two to build and sustain a good marriage. Somewhere in the relationship, but partners erred. Even if it appears that the other person is the only one at fault. Lack of attentiveness in a marriage will endanger the relationship. A marriage must be earned every day.

Big Mistakes in Marriage

Neglect in marriage for any length of time can trigger problems. For example, if a woman spends all of her time working, neglecting the responsibilities of a wife, and complaining about everything under the sun, this behavior might tempt the man to look in other directions for love and affection. Also, if a husband spends all of his leisure time in a bar with friends, going on weekend fishing trips or staying to late at the office, his wife may begin to feel unloved and unappreciated

Therefore, forgiving ourselves for our part in the breakup of the relationship will go a long way in cleansing our emotions of bitterness.

The Divine Response in Divorce

Next, we must commit ourselves to letting go of our ex-spouse and wishing them the best that life has to offer. This may sound ridiculous, but we must wish the best for them. The greatest move toward gaining freedom from our ex-spouse is demonstrated by implementing the divine response written in

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the Holy Scriptures: bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you and pray for them who despitefully use you. When the revelation of the divine response is strong within your heart, the pain and heartache of divorce will not linger long. The distress will turn into joy, hope and freedom, not only toward ourselves, but also toward our ex-spouse. We will always wish the best for our former spouse.

Letting Go and Experiencing Freedom

Do not allow yourself to be entrapped in depression and bitterness. If you do, you will make yourself a victim of circumstances. You will prevent love from coming into your life and will perceive all potential romances through the lens of your previous relationship, resulting in fear and lack of trust when it comes to finding new love.

Surviving in troubled marriage is a difficult if one spouse is unwilling to make the relationship work. This fact must be accepted if life is to be lived with integrity and truth. The sooner we realize that life is short and we must release those things that are not working, we will experience, joy, freedom, growth in character and strength, openness to new relationships and whole new outlook on life.


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    • Roni Sarkar profile image

      Roni Sarkar 

      4 years ago

      very helpful


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