The Sexless Affair

An emotional affair is a relationship without physical contact that becomes emotionally intimate.They often start as friendship but progress into something more serious.

With the Internet we have many more options to expand our lives and increase our friendships. We can also find love miles away without leaving the comfort of our home.

Emotional affairs have been going on for years and aren’t really anything new but with so many new electronic inventions we can now expand our horizons to a much wider range than in the old days.

Salesmen and sailors had a woman in every port, politicians and celebrities had women at their disposal and doctors and other businessmen found romance traveling to seminars, so it’s not a new thing in the least.

Some think because they didn’t actually have sex it is harmless. No body fluids were exchanged, no flesh was touched and they haven’t met in person so what harm is it?

Is it as bad as actually having an all out affair?

This greatly depends on how far the relationship has gone emotionally. Psychologists will tell you it can be worse because although there is no actual copulation there is an emotional element that bonds them together stronger than entwined bodies. The other person is fulfilling a need that is missing in their current relationship.

With a one-night stand there is no emotional attachment and in most cases they don’t even get to know the other person.

It isn’t always about sex.

The bottom line is that word I used above, “need.” There is something missing from the main union that needs to be filled.

People have to feel important, desirable and worthy of another’s attention, not getting that is a prescription for disaster.

One man having an emotional affair said, “She really listens to me and understands me.”

Some prostitutes are paid to just listen. Sex Phone Operators make a lot of money being a sympathetic ear.

It isn’t always about looks.

I’ve known men to wander away from an attractive wife to a plain Jane. Don’t assume because you look good that is all it takes. There is much, much more to a relationship than a pretty smile. Some stray from a thin wife to an overweight mistress.

How do you protect yourself from something like this happening?

Some have gone so far as sharing Facebook and other social networking accounts, sharing passwords and emails.

No amount of sharing will keep an affair of any kind from happening if the situation is ripe

A neglected spouse will find attention somewhere. After years of marriage it is easy to take the other person for granted or to feel overlooked. You need to do things together. Go out on dates without the kids, hold hands, take time for love making, talk and really listen and spend quality time with each other. Act sexy and don’t be afraid to let your spouse see you naked. You wouldn’t believe how many men I’ve talked to whose wives only allow sex with the lights off. Seriously?

Give compliments:

After many years there are still things about your significant other you find desirable and fond of, make sure they know it. Don’t assume he still knows after 20 years that you think he has sexy eyes. It’s still nice to hear over and over again.

If a person isn’t getting their emotional needs met or lacking something in their main relationship they can find it outside and you knowing about one Facebook account doesn’t stop them from making a new one looking for love and fulfillment elsewhere.

I have tons of facebook friends with naughty names and titles looking for action and most of them are married.

Take care of yourself:

Just because you have that ring on your finger doesn’t mean you can now stop trying or that you shouldn’t care about how you look. I realize as we get older some lose hair and we get wrinkles and gray hair but there are still things we can do to keep up appearances such as weight, hygiene and what we wear.

I know I said it isn’t always about looks but being the best we can be helps our own self-esteem, which in turn makes us more confident and sexy.

Take Interest in your spouse’s job or other activities:

I know sometimes our significant other has a career or hobby that is boring or of little interest but at least on occasion listen to their gripes and be sympathetic or understanding to their occupation. Think about how sometimes you enjoy talking about what you like and how it makes you feel better to have someone listen to your problems once in a while.

Sharing passwords and accounts:

Do I think couples need to do this? Not necessarily. Like I said, if you can’t trust them to step outside the door without you by their side every second, which is the equivalent, then you have more issues and need to work on it.

Don’t use sex as a tool:

Men need sex: bottom line. If you are withholding because he didn’t take out the trash or to get that set of pearls, you are doing it wrong. You get more bears with honey, girlfriends. Satisfied men are more willing to give you what you want. You are doing it backwards.

As my granny once said, “If he doesn’t get it at home, he’ll get it somewhere else.”

I realize this has a male spin on it and that women often stray too but the numbers show that men are more likely to have a roaming eye than women. We should all work on our relationships and find ways to enhance and improve our unions if we want them to last.