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The Terrible Twos in a Marriage

Updated on October 26, 2012
"Takes two to make it happen"
"Takes two to make it happen" | Source
Single life making room for love...Yikes!
Single life making room for love...Yikes! | Source
Now you have an intruder in your life?
Now you have an intruder in your life? | Source

Setting the scenario...

No you didn't...!

You finally got married after dating with not much fanfare. Now, can you imagine yourself being married 24/7? No more good byes and, "see you tomorrow honey." Personally, my wife and I, did experience changes from the very first day we spent our lives together. Did we survive? Sure, but we needed to adapt ourselves to that "togetherness" mentioned in songs and Hallmark® cards. However, some growing pains were felt from the very first weeks we spent our lives together. Not on the honeymoon week, way after...!

Let's check our sharp memory and find those "curious" moments that "spiced" the relationship. You might relate to some situations that are being upload to our brain.

The darn Toilet Seat...!

Yeah, we were boys, (boys will be boys) and we never needed to keep that toilet seat clean or "down," but this time a woman was in our life. At first she overlooked the due "sprinkling," but one night she finally exploded. "Joseph! You are so nasty ! I'm not your mother; you need to clean this toilet seat for your new wife. Do you read the words... that are coming from my lips?" I was in shock. My newly wed wife was really talking like my mother-in-law for the first time! Yeah! like mother, like daughter!

Perfection and harmony. No more single living.
Perfection and harmony. No more single living. | Source

Those strange sounds and gases under the bedsheets...

One thing is to live a single existence and do whatever you want! You got mad at your boss and vented out your "frustration" under the bedsheets with no problems at all, but, yes... here we go again. Releasing tension and colorful gases next to your loved one is like... having two presidential candidates discussing about weapons of mass destruction.

It can be cause of divorce in certain states. Here was her reaction: "you are so ### disrespectful Joseph! Why did you break wind without telling me? And the worse part is that smells like you shit in the pajamas my mother gave you as a wedding present!"

That was it! I was cured for life. Either made sure to stop eating boiling eggs after 5 p.m. or take the next slap (smack) in the face like a man. Worse case scenario I would have to sleep on the couch for the rest of the night! Bye Goya green beans!


"Your socks are mismatched..!"

Yikes!! I was not single anymore! I kept forgetting. My new wife was so different now. She would remind me to get my "shirt" together. Being single you were used to wear mistmarched socks and maybe no underwears (ew!). But now you were living next to a stranger, who said "I do" to your pretenses.

Marriage was another story now, and things would have to change, for good or bad. The virtual college dorm life was over, and there was no turning back: she was pregnant as expected. Not even Batman, Superman and the incredible hulk were there to help us. Found out too late that a woman, actually had a mind faster than a freaking speeding bullet!


Now, You will Learn to Clean that Shower Tub!

Wait a minute, now I have to scrub those tiles and that shower tub base? "Wifey" would go with us to buy everything from Pine-sol®, to Ajax® products. New curtain showers were bought to match the new rubber tub mat. We barely cleaned the tubs being single. Life was hectic enough, and cleaning the shower tub like our wife did, was a torturous experience.

But don't get me wrong, she was right. Our filthy life as a single dude was over. We sure had to mop the kitchen spotless clean as well. I still remember the smell of the clean house. But then Pregnancy was in its early stages.

A real anecdote:

One time wife wanted a pink tub, so I went to buy some kind of glossy and varnish pink paint. It was a rented apartment on a second floor (Union TWP, NJ). I didn't know much about paint and water. Just wanted to please my wife for sure. On the second day. the paint clogged the tub, and the tenants on the first floor had to share my pain: had to get a plumber to destroy his bathroom ceiling in order to clean the debris inside my tub drainage. All in the name of love!

Cravings at 2 a.m.

When your wife becomes pregnant, either you crave and puke, or your wife asks for Pizza at 2:30 a.m. Either she wants to eat candle-light wax, or smell a burning match. You just pray, she doesn't crave for sushi at 3 a.m.

Some marriage don't make it this long for stupid things. Did love songs and lyrics mention about those cravings? All we heard was heavenly words and not unbelievable words from a script from "Married with Children." I was like Al Bundy!

Make sure to know in advance if you are getting this doggie in the package!
Make sure to know in advance if you are getting this doggie in the package! | Source

All about the Twos

Took two to make a baby. Took the both of us to realize that marriage changed our lives. Took about two years to adapt completely to the laundry, the baby formulas, the new house and those damn creidt cards. Took the two of us to make a decision: either we love each one after all, or we were bound to split.

A baby was there. Love was unique, and my meals were done with so much care and loving. I didn't mention the new pet and how to change sprinkling diapers, but her lasagnas and meatball were superb! Nonetheless, marriage and life being married survived with rewarding feelings lost between tender hugs.

Now, I don't Know how the President does balance campaigns and marriage, but it really takes two to make it happen.

All out of love...

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  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    baise25, nice meeting you! Glad you enjoyed this article, which is based on true events. We wrote it in a fun way, and with no worries. Take care!

  • blaise25 profile image

    Fehl Dungo 5 years ago from close to you...

    That was a fun read. Truly for better or worse, you have to be two together

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Sherry Hewins , what a wonderful addition from your side of the deal. I agree with you thoroughly. Thanks for reading us!

  • Sherry Hewins profile image

    Sherry Hewins 5 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

    I've been married so long I forgot what it's like to be single. After a while you just make accommodations for the other person without thinking about it. A fun read.

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    midget38, sometimes the words come forward, and I just write it down. Marriage used to be for a lifetime, but priorities change with time. The younger you are, the faster you go, hand in hand with technology and personal values instilled before our own existence. Thanks!

  • midget38 profile image

    Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

    So very true indeed, Joseph. Marriage involves a lot of change and you've to be conscious of the things that you never thought of being conscious of! Thanks for sharing, and I'd love to share this little anecdote.

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Klavdija Frahm; Thanks for commenting! True stories are funnier than these reality shows. Hope you and your hubby had a good time reading this hub! Thanks again!

    Anil and Honey, marriage is a serious step in life. Family values step forward, and life takes hold of our existence in a new dimension. Peace!

    Faith, thanks for your concern; hope you are doing better. Your comments are so sincere, that.. they really make our day. Air Supply was our favorite group back in 1982. Thanks for your unconditional support!

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    tammyswallow, you are so right. Humor and communication can make wonders. Thanks for being there for us! Take care!

    Ruchira, marriage requires lots of sacrifices for sure. Your comments are always appreciated!

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Eiddwen, thanks for your words and your support. You always leave meaningful words that make our day! Have a nice one!

    marcoujor , thanks for your kind words. We did travel abroad 48 hours later after the storm. Electricity and Communications were next to zero, so we just took the plane with not much ado. Thanks again for your sincere words of concern!

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Glimmer Twin Fan, funny enough, because is based on true events. I guess we all have our best and worst minute in a day. Thanks for reading and commenting!

    Faith Reaper, the past is the past. But the funny moments come back quicker. Life is like a sweet joke handed down from above. Glad you could relate. Have a nice one!

  • Faith Reaper profile image

    Faith Reaper 5 years ago from southern USA

    Oh, this is a funny fact, Air Supply is one of the very first albums (yes, I said albums----I bought, way back in the day when I was around 19 years old approximately, as this very song is one I heard on the radio and loved so much. So . . . "cool" is all I wanted to say. That's a word we used back then too. The only thing is that the song doesn't match up with your funny hub, but I am glad you included it though.

    Well, that is not really the only reason here, as thought I would just come here to check on you, if you are still doing well after the storm? All of your HP friends really want to hear from you when you are able to respond to at least one of them dear one.

    God bless. In His Love Always, Faith Reaper

  • Anil and Honey profile image

    Anil 5 years ago from Kerala

    Good,Nice hub.Even now i do'nt think a marriage .

  • Klavdija Frahm profile image

    Kendi 5 years ago from Slovenia

    It's funny cuz it's true :) If my boyfriend would read this he would be like "OMG so true!". We're not married (yet?), but we are living together for almost a year....god it was hard on the beginning....especially for me cuz I'm only child and I always had my own room, my own space and I'm kind of introvert so it was really hard for me to share all my time and space. And coordinating all the stuff and tasks....we fight a lot, especially because I'm short tempered, thank god he's tolerant. But after a year, here we are, we're handling everything just great - our relationshih and household. I'm taking care of him and cooking him great meals :P He's handling my PMS, so he'll be ready for my pregnancy when it's time :) Great hubs, voted up and find it funny.

  • Ruchira profile image

    Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

    Alas marriage is all about sacrifices to make it work

    Good luck Joseph.

    Btw some issues were close to my heart too. Been in those situations.

  • tammyswallow profile image

    Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

    You capture the realities too well. I think two people have to approach everything with a sense of humor. It really helps keep things in perspective and adds some fun. Great hub.

  • marcoujor profile image

    Maria Jordan 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA


    I am passing a special 'flatus exemption' as soon as you let us all know you are air on the house! Miss you very much.

    This was tongue in cheeky...loved it! Voted UP & FAB! Hugs, Maria

  • Eiddwen profile image

    Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

    A brilliant hub Lord and here's to so many more to share on here.

    Interesting and humorous.


  • Faith Reaper profile image

    Faith Reaper 5 years ago from southern USA

    Meant to say also that I love the video and Air Supply and that song, brings back memories. Just checking on you, and I hope you are okay still from all the storm.

    God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper

  • Faith Reaper profile image

    Faith Reaper 5 years ago from southern USA

    LOL, sometimes it takes a lot longer than just two years and just keeps on. LOL 34 year in my case. I am glad you are remembering those past days of marriage long ago, so that you will be mindful when this new wedding day arrives! LOL

    God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper

  • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

    Glimmer Twin Fan 5 years ago

    Twelve years on and my husband and I are still adapting! Very funny hub and made my afternoon.

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Morning Mary, hope you are fine so far! These are real situations, and newlyweds will face some space issues. Funny to see how all these is already behind. Your comment was important as well! Thanks!

  • tillsontitan profile image

    Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

    Though very lighthearted you make some good points for newlyweds. I sometimes forget what it was like (been married 45 years) but reading this brought back memories of thrown butter dishes, perplexed looks that said, "what are you talking about woman", and so much more.

    Voted up, funny, and interesting.

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Mhatter thanks for the smiles. I still cannot match the socks, even when I'm writing my best inspirations!

    You are so right Debbi Brooks. Marriage takes so much from both, but what's real love after all? We learn as we go, and we never go to school to become a parent either. Thanks for the encouraging comments!

  • Deborah Brooks profile image

    Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

    Wow love this hub.. being married is great . there will be disagreements . problems .. but if you love each other you can Mike a go at it. just don't give up.. always put each other first .. and it will be a great marriage . Many blessings my friend.


  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Wow Kikalina, that was a short comment, but we got the message. Marriage and kids need both couples attention, and that can get a marriage more solid, or break it apart. Thanks for stopping by dear friend!

    Ruby, I was laughing next to you! The visuals came tight on time to make this hub fun. Always thankful to see you commenting. Good night!

  • always exploring profile image

    Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

    This was a fun hub to read. I can relate , all except the gas under the cover, yuckie doo..Lol..Enjoyed a good laugh Joseph...

  • kikalina profile image

    kikalina 5 years ago from Europe

    As a mum of two toddlers i can relate.

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    xstatic, thanks for your fun commenting as well. Living among three sisters can tell us and teach us a lot. I see you a great partner to your wife. Teamwork is part of a lifetime relationship! You have a great weekend Jim!

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    CrisSp, I have so many stories is unbelievable. Once my wife wanted pure water after midnight, and I had to go and get it. I did a quick right turn, and a cop saw me. I was pulled over and almost got a ticket. My insurance was suspended the nigth before, and I didn't notice. The cop heard my story and let me go. Thanks for reading this hub of ours!

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Janine Huldie, You are about to feel the seven year itch effect, and we know you both are an awesoke couple. Forgot to tell you, but your hubby can replace the USPS guy on any commercial, easily. Sincere thanks for your support!

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Billybuc, Women really rule the world. Behind any succesful man, there is a REMARKABLE female and that means a lot. We cannot deny it. We were inside of a nurturing woman for nine months. Well, staff can take care of the First lady... until certain point. Thanks for your comments my friend!

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    Becky Katz, rewarding is the right word. But nothing is easy in life. They say, easy comes, easy go.." So we take the load and keep a positive mind toward marriage. Always happy to see you commenting!

  • Lord De Cross profile image

    Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

    carol7777, you are so right. Relationships has to adjust when there is a family member on the way. Love and holidays make up for so many sleepness nights, thanks for your kind words!

  • Mhatter99 profile image

    Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

    All but the mismatched sock I can relate. Plus it started when we moved in together, so I had to hide in the closet a lot, till we got married.

  • xstatic profile image

    Jim Higgins 5 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

    This is great lord! I, for one, raised in a house with a mother and three sisters Never, Never left the seat up, well... maybe once, but that was one thing I did not have to learn, maybe the only thing. Now I cook dinner at least two nights a week, and help on others, do dishes often, scrub that tub, not often enough, I hear, and whistle while I work.

    Up, funny & more!

  • CrisSp profile image

    CrisSp 5 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

    What fun hub to read! Married for 24 years now and if I may, here's some unsolicited advice for you guys out there: "Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say, can and will be used against you. So, use your right to remain silent." --Lol!

    This reminds me when I was preggy with my eldest, I was craving for grapefruit in the mid of the night and won't stop chasing my hubby to buy. Poor hubby has to go check the 24 hours store just to get it for me and when he came back I was fast asleep and was afraid to wake me up. Lol!

    I enjoyed this read. Thanks Lord!

    P.S. Enjoyed the Air Supply clip too!

  • Janine Huldie profile image

    Janine Huldie 5 years ago from New York, New York

    Joseph, this was great and truly enjoyed reading. Being married over 6 years now, I could so completely relate and you gave some great advice. also loved the real life anecdote of the pink tub, lol!! Have of course voted and shared all over!!

  • billybuc profile image

    Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

    It really is an adjustment, isn't it? I love the self-effacing way you approached this, but in all honesty, women have some quirks that we men must learn to live with as well.

    Can you imagine being married and being President? Of course, the President has staff to take care of the cleaning and the cooking and the toilet seats, so how bad could it be? :)

    Love it Joseph! Have a great weekend!

  • Becky Katz profile image

    Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

    Fun reading and brought back memories. Marriage is not easy to get into but so worth it once we do. I have 25 years now.

  • carol7777 profile image

    carol stanley 5 years ago from Arizona

    This was just fun reading..and many truth statements. But it looks like you are surviving just fine. I think a baby changes a relationship far more than living together.