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The Truth Will Set You Free (Even If That's Not What You Wanted).

Updated on July 31, 2019

Now I'm not saying that lying is good for any relationship, that is far from the gist of what I am trying to convey. Lying is bad-bad-bad, for any relationship. I am just trying to state that the full no-holds-barred truth will end a relationship quicker than a mousetrap catching a mouse! Some couples could muddle through the truth, but most will end in a firey disaster.

Source

Don't do what I did!

My Experience

My high school girlfriend, (we'll call her Sally), and I met at a high school dance while she was a sophomore and I a senior in school. We dated throughout the rest of the school year and we saw each other regularly until I headed off to join the Air Force. We called and wrote like any couple would do. I was always excited to receive a letter from Sally especially after I was stationed in Germany.

Going to Germany for two years, without coming home for leave was the start of our downward spin. The first year was okay, though we missed each other terribly, we or at least I thought, we could make another year go by and be fine. We wrote sent pictures and even cassette tapes to keep in touch.

It was about the year and a half mark when I received a letter from Sally stating that we should see other people, which she already had, stating she went out with a member of this band in college. I was beyond upset. Now I was determined to have some fun myself.

So I and a few buddies went to a cat house in the nearby city of Kaiserslautern. I didn't just make the trip once, I went three times. Like I said I was pissed. The writing and calling got infrequent. Sally called me the last time while I was still in Germany. We were discussing the relationship when all of a sudden I just told her the whole truth about being upset and having some fun on my own.

To say the least that did not go well. We might have written a few times after that, in which once I asked her to pick me up at the airport because I wanted to surprise my parents on my return home from Germany. There was no ride waiting for me at the airport when I arrived. I had to call a friend to pick me up.

I didn't know that that very night she was at some dudes cabin spending the night. I found out where she was working and decided to go see her. After which we went to her house for a talk. It was long and it was very hard but I told the whole truth, and she did the same I figure. I left her house that night knowing it was the end.


Again like I said don't do this

Trust vs Truth

We met once or twice after that night. Behaving like a fool, I asked her to marry me and go to my next station in Louisianna. You guessed it she said No. After I made it to Louisianna I wrote a few more times to Sally but she eventually asked me to stop, so I did.

As you see the whole truth does not always do you justice. I later met my first wife and settled down with her and we had two daughters. She did not tell the truth, but she did lie a lot, so I moved on. Now I have been married to my second wife for over 14 years.

The truth of the matter is somethings are better left alone and if you trust in someone that's what really counts!

My wife Rebecca and me.
My wife Rebecca and me.

© 2019 Jeffery A Kipferl

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    • Jeffery A Kipferl profile imageAUTHOR

      Jeffery A Kipferl 

      10 months ago from Breesport, NY

      I agree with you and both of my daughters are in their 30's and have yet to marry, but I never said not to. It has been their choice.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      10 months ago from Chicago

      The story you told is very common for teenage love. It's one of the reasons why our parents tend to not take us seriously when we talk about our relationships while in high school. It's "puppy love".

      They KNOW most people don't meet their "soulmate" at age 16, 17. or 18. The truth of the matter is most people haven't figured out who (they) are let alone know what they want/need in a mate.

      Secondly being too immature and naïve to believe teenagers are going to go for (years) or several months without a social/dating/party life because they have a significant other in a long distance relationship is completely unrealistic.

      I can't tell you how many "high school sweethearts" go away to different colleges with the plan of maintaining their relationship for the next 4-6 years while they get their respective degrees.

      Usually after one or two semesters at least one of them makes new friends on campus, pledges a fraternity/sorority, attend parties, sports events, join study groups, date, and have sex!

      I speak from experience. Looking back several decades I see just how stupid I was to think a (teenager) living away on a college campus was simply going to just go to lectures, study, take exams, eat, and sleep.

      Long distance relationships are tough for most couples to manage but they are extremely tough for teenagers who lack the financial ability to make multiple trips back and forth.

      We're also not in the 1950s where many people lived in small towns where everyone knew everyone and there wasn't nothing to do but wait for letters and phone calls as the whole town rooted for your relationship to last. In the U.S. the average person today loses their virginity by age 17 and the average age of a first time bride is 27 and it's 29 for grooms.

      Oftentimes people wait beyond age 30 before getting married.

      The point is most people are going to have at least 10+ years of sexual experience by the time they tie the knot and all of it will not be with their "first love". The (truth) didn't destroy your relationship.

      Having "unrealistic expectations" set you up for heartache.

      You should have broken up with her when you went away to Germany while she was in the 11th grade. Neither of you were ready to settle down. She was a long ways away from being an adult. I imagine you (would not encourage) your daughter in her sophomore year of high school to marry the guy she is/was dating at the time.

      Most parents would want their child to see some of the world, travel, establish a career, experience life as an adult with their own place...

      The days of moving from one's parent's house into a marriage are pretty much gone. Most teens and those in their 20s are in no hurry to become like their parents. They want to enjoy their youth!

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