The Tsunami of Divorce
This is my testimony regarding a very painful and traumatic time in our lives. I felt led to share this because it is my prayer that it will turn the heart of anyone considering a divorce. Divorce tears at the fabric of our hearts ... and the damage although it can be healed leaves scars. I pray that if you are considering divorce other than because of abuse ... pray, fast and seek counsel before making any decision.
Tsunamis bring great destruction and the toll that they take on those that are in its path can take years to repair. Tsunami's are caused by underwater earthquakes that at first can't be seen by the naked eye but as the pressure builds the waves start out fast then slow and build to tremendous heights. It is the same with divorce. A person that is meditating on divorce has let the waves build under the pressure of hurt, anger, disappointment, bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment … suddenly your marriage is in the middle of a tsunami and although you may have noticed the ripples perhaps you thought it would all blow over as a minor storm. After all … divorce is not an option.
What was I going to do? I was angry, scared and totally unprepared. How dare he? We had an agreement … till DEATH do us part! He had no idea how close to death he really was and at my hand! That's right, I wanted him DEAD! What was he thinking? I was his wife, his best friend and his lover. My mind was spinning with irrational thoughts. Not one thought regarding him was lovely in any way. I was a Godly woman, a minister of the gospel and the man that I had stood next to preaching the message of “divorce is not an option” wanted one. A tsunami had unexpectedly swept in and hit our family with catastrophic force. Dying seemed so much easier than living in that moment but then, there was our daughter.
We were going to sit our precious daughter down and tell her that her parents were separating. How was I supposed to do that? We had promised her that we would never get a divorce … ever. And now, that promise was being broken. My heart felt like it was going to explode. I thought I would be sick but somehow ... I wasn't.
There are no words to express the look on her face as we told her that her Daddy was leaving. It didn't matter what we said or how we said it … we wounded our daughter's heart beyond measure. Her family was falling apart and it was completely out of her control. I had no answers for her or myself … but God.
Angry and bitter, I made a lot of mistakes. I talked too much to too many people. My mouth became a weapon of warfare and the meditations of my heart were blood thirsty. I tore the man I said I loved down. Burning with a pain that was so intense I wanted him to hurt too. I lost all respect for him and in the process myself as well.
Even so, in the midst of so much error and sin … I prayed. I turned to my True Husband. I turned to Him with everything that I had in me and I pointed my daughter to Him as well. It was the one thing that I did right in the midst of so much wrong.
The toll of separation went way beyond a marriage and family destroyed. Just as the aftereffects of a tsunami continues to take its toll on those whose lives it touched ... so separation and divorce tears at the fabric of the lives entwined with those who are walking through it. The pain and suffering reached beyond our family to the lives of those with who we were in relationship. The selfish decisions we made reached far beyond the moment of choice equating into future repercussions that we couldn't begin to fathom. Devastation abounded and we were not oblivious though we pretended to be.
God overshadowed us with His Love! Anchored us in the midst of the storm. Nightly, we prayed Psalm 91 as we held each other crying. He became Abba to us both as we discussed how though our earthly fathers may fail us our true Father would never fail and leave us. We hoped and put all our trust in Him. As we surrendered ALL to Him … He did the work that only He could do. He provided for us as Jehovah Jireh in our lives. Again and again He flabbergasted us as He fulfilled His Word revealing Himself as the One True and Living God!
Forgiveness came like the breath of life from Him. He cleansed and purged my heart of all bitterness and unforgiveness. I came to a place where my redemption came in my forgiving. Being set free I was able to own my part in the mess that I had helped to create. I repented to the Lord and my daughter as well as some of those whose hearts had been wounded. I released and forgave myself as well as my estranged husband setting us both free from bondage. If you are reading this writing and I haven't formally repented I ask you now ... Please forgive me for any hurt or harm I caused through my own suffering. I pray that you would hold no charge against me.
Freedom brought with it change and our lives transformed. The tsunami of divorce brought us to a place of new life and mercies. Intimacy with Him has become our joy and strength! We have learned to dance in the rain! Celebrating the music of the thunder and wind! Come, dance with us!
Psalm 30:11 “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy..”