- Gender and Relationships
Two things that could kill your relationship: Boredom and Neglect
Relationships end for various reasons.
Some of these reasons may be obvious or major such as
- cheating or infidelity
- one of the participants moving away and neither being able to manage or maintain a long distance relationship, or
- abuse from either party
There are also the less obvious or hard to explain reasons.These often range from drifting apart to falling out of love. Commonly the biggest course of these less obvious reasons can be attributed towards lack of (or dying of) spark and boredom or neglect.
Boredom and neglect have the potential to ruin any relationship and yet more and more couples are oblivious to this fact.
Research on the matter
Research conducted by Good in bed shows that 25% of couples (researched in a survey) feel bored in their relationship with an additional 25% being on the brink of boredom. In other words 50% of all couples are researched to either be on the border of boredom or already bored. What’s more is the fact that the impacts of boredom or neglect can be rather disastrous for any relationship. It’s no secret that boredom has quite often been described as the reason for (or a big contribution towards) infidelity as well as the feeling of drifting apart.
The same survey showed that already 25% of the sample reported having engaged in infidelity due to boredom in their relationship. Looking at this commonly it doesn't take rocket science to figure out that if you’re partner isn't at least making an effort to make you feel special once in a while and someone else is; you’re going to start developing the feeling of “maybe he/she cares more about me”. That just goes to show how a lack of care in a relationship can lead to feelings of neglect which ultimately lead to bigger problems.
How long have you been in your current relationship
Are you experiencing boredom or neglect in your current relationship?
Boredom and Neglect: The connection
Boredom and neglect are quite often linked. Put simply if you feel like you may not be getting enough love, affection or attention from your partner you're bound to feel neglected resulting in boredom in the relationship. There’s a good saying to describe this: Absence makes the heart grow fonder – of someone else.
It’s in no way suggested that while being a relationship one needs to constantly be thinking of ways to entertain the other but there should at least be that aspect of a “dating feeling” being experienced.
Research conducted on 12,000 women from 22 countries in a 2009 survey by the Boston Consulting Group, showed that women would like for their partner to organise more dates. Dates don't necessarily need to be to expensive places where loads of cash is spent but for woman it's more a case of the thought behind it all, the romance in the idea and the quality 'couple time' spent together. Dates can be anything from a stroll or picnic in a park or on the beach to a day out to a theme park or nature reserve. All which are highly cost effecient.
For many who become too comfortable in their relationship, dates and all other “dating couple” things take a back seat to lazing around and doing nothing all day. For many guys this is somewhat acceptable as they feel comfortable enough in the relationship to feel that they no longer need to impress their girlfriends by taking them out or doing nice things for them as much anymore.
Just because you’ve been together for a few years doesn’t mean that the romantic dates or fun dates, romantic gestures, romantic getaways or love notes should suddenly stop or disappear. On the contrary, if you’d like to keep your relationship going for many more years it is actually imperative that these things increase or at least stay evident in your relationship.
One may argue that if you’re able to drift apart or have serious relationship problems due to boredom that you may not have been in love to begin with. This is highly debatable.
Love is something that needs nurturing and care. If either or both parties feel like they’re not loved by the other that love will gradually begin to fade until there is nothing left; resulting in the feeling of “falling out of love”.
Boredom and neglect: Dating Relationships
Although commonly experienced in marriages of many years this is not at all aimed at them. It is somehow understandable that after being married for many years one or both partners may become comfortable in the relationship to such an extent that ‘whoo'ing’ the other person does not feel that important anymore. Although this could still be a problem for many, it is in fact not as major due to the depth of the relationship. One is thus less likely to be affected by boredom or look towards ending a 20 odd year relationship or marriage due to it.
On the contrary though, and what a lot of this article focuses on, is dating relationships. If for example you’re in a dating relationship (presumably with the thought of marriage somewhere in the future) and are already being paid less attention to or bored then there are some serious problems. If this is the case at present what will everything be like by the time you get married? Boredom should at lease be reserved for when you’re married for 20 plus years.
Only you have the power to get your relationship back to where it was in the beginning. Think about what made it exciting, fun and special and go back to that. Keep the spark ignited and the fire will burn forever.
- Romantic things to do with your boyfriend/girlfriend
Suggestions on romantic activities or things to do together in order to keep that spark alive.
- Romantic things to do for your Girlfriend
A few ideas on romantic gestures or things to do for your girlfriend in order to make her feel more appreciated and to avoid feelings of neglect.
- 23 Ways to Keep Your Romance Alive (for women) - Cosmopolitan
A very informative list of ways to keep the relationship exciting and far away from boredom.
- Cure for boredom - AskMen
For additional reading on some of the reasons boredom may become evident in your relationship as well as ways to solve or prevent it, this is definitely a good read.