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The Real Relationship Secret

Updated on February 19, 2011

Don't look to far for something real

So you find yourself here looking for an answer. Right now, you are in a relationship that doesn’t seem to be working for one reason or another. Maybe, you just have a burning desire to find out if your relationship is so much different from the other people you see. You see people at the mall or out somewhere holding hands, seemingly happy and you wonder why you and your spouse don’t seem to do that anymore.

Ok, here it goes, I will try to shed the light on some of the myths associated with relationships and why what you see, maybe is not what’s really there.

First off, relationships are very different from person to person and couple to couple. The couple that you may see out holding hands may be very different behind closed doors. The fact is no relationship is ever perfect. When you’re out with your man or woman there may be other factor besides your relationship why you don’t hold hands or seem very affectionate in public. Some couples simply don’t need the reassurance that they are together by providing public displays of affection. Some women or men are insecure and do need it, not because they have a perfect relationship, but because fear or insecurity may be embedded in their subconscious from past relationship problems. Women seem to have this insecurity more than men and when in public often question out loud, “why don’t we look like that couple”. This is usually aimed more at guilt to the man for not being like someone else, rather than a question of the relationship. This fact comes to light after returning to familiar surrounding or at home, where the couple’s interaction seems to be normal and there is no question of their commitment to each other.

Next, there is the fact that for 99% of the couples out there the sexual heat and attraction subsides with the passage of time with each other. It’s in our human nature to want, and sex is often driven by the desire to have something seemingly out of reach. This is what causes many people to stray from steady relationships. It is often the desire to have something new and regaining that feeling of excitement that they once had when they met their current partner. But, the ole saying “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side” seems to mean more to the people who stray, after they have given up on what they had. A lot people feel extreme remorse for throwing away years of their lives for something that they thought that they wanted. When looking back, they wish they would have stayed where they were, where they were comfortable, where they actually knew each other.

The secret to any relationship is the ability to work on the big problems and smooth out the small ones. Financial problems right now in today’s economy is tearing many relationships apart, for the simple reason that one person is the relationship is unwilling to make the necessary sacrifices. When these types’ problems occur, it becomes it extremely important to look for reminders that your relationship means more than just material possessions. I’ve seen people lose their homes, their cars and pretty much all their possessions but still remain together, providing strength for each other in the process. On the other hand, I’ve seen just the opposite. I’ve watched people who thought they had a strong relationship, blame each other for their situation until the words become so heated that one eventually leaves.

This type of relationship is what I refer to as a “Rewards based relationship”, when there is no reward to remain in the relationship it pretty much over. This is usually when the person who is seeking the reward will seek out someone else to provide the reward that they desire. They will do this over and over again never understanding why their relationship isn’t like everyone else they see. They tend to blame everyone else for their situation and look back often with regret if they see a former spouse out somewhere seemingly happy, realizing that really loved that person after it's too late.

So in closing, don’t base your relationship on what you see when you are around other people. Every relationship is different and yours is too. The true test of your relationship is the strength to make it through adversity and come out stronger than when you went in. Don’t get me wrong, staying in a bad relationship can be worse than trying to save a good one. Don’t be abused mentally or physically and if you think you are please seek professional help.

If you’re in a long term relationship and feel like something maybe missing, you may want check out my article “The relationship Hourglass”, it may shed some light on why you feel this way and may actually help you through it. I provided a link to this article at the bottom. Also, I other relationship articles that you may find helpful so check out the other links I have provided as well.

Good luck in finding the answers that you seek and may you find happiness along the way.

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