Things to Consider Before Getting a Divorce

Ending a marriage is a very serious matter that concerns not only the two persons involved but in some cases children. Ending a marriage is nothing like ending a relationship because marriage and relationship are two poles apart.

In a relationship, it is strictly a matter between two lovers but marriage splits involve family and extended family. In the African context, marriage is not only between the two persons but involves a joining of each other’s family.

Even religious doctrines make divorce a difficult choice after the marriage has been contracted and some faiths are totally against it.

However, is ending a marriage through divorce an option?

According to Christian scriptures, God ordains marriage for man so Christians and other religions find breaking this sacred pact very difficult and traumatic. Divorce can be considered only when certain factors and conditions are present in the marriage.

Divorce is a very tough period for both individuals, because it comes with extreme emotional baggage depression and drastic lifestyle choices. There is anxiety uncertainty, fear, self-doubt but might also lead to better things and a more secure future.

Before seeking divorce there are certain things you should consider which might be valid reasons why you shouldn’t get divorced.

Reasons why divorce should be considered a last option include the promise made at the alter to weather the storms of life together. This is a serious reason because it comes with commitment, selflessness, and devotion towards each others well being

Financial difficulties

Having financial difficulties during marriage comes with the territory so considering divorce because of finance is wrong. If your partner is making concerted effort to get out of financial debt without headway this is not enough reason to end the marriage.

Every low and middle class family struggle with unpaid bills, so overcoming such challenges together is very important. Divorce removes the joint financial investment each person puts into the success of the family unit and after the divorce, each partner would face financial challenges alone.

Divorce means you are going to start afresh losing your home and assets that you struggled so many years to acquire. Getting a divorce especially in the western world has literally wrecked a previously financially sound couple.

They lose everything and pay regular alimony if children are involved; starting afresh is difficult especially if you are coming out of a long marriage.

The children’s happiness and security is a valid reason why you should not consider divorce as an option. Children in a marriage suffer the brunt of divorce because the judge usually gives the child to one of the parents.

In most cases, the children are given to the mother with visitation rights offered to their father. However, this is not a set and fast rule and it could swing either way. Unfortunately, the innocent children become victims of a custody battle, unpleasantness, and bitterness between mum and dad.

They suffer depression and psychological problems sometimes blaming themselves for the split. Although having children in the marriage is a compelling reason to stay married with proper counseling the children might eventually understand that your happiness is also important.

Getting a divorce comes with hard choices and lifestyle changes especially mutual friend’s acquaintances and family. Unfortunately, family and friends also get hurt because they are forced to choose one side over the other.

It is commonplace for both of you to have the same friends, enjoy the same restaurants and social or religious gatherings. Being divorced affects every aspect of each others already established lifestyle and considerable changes and adjustment is required.

Dealing with your emotions

Divorce is an unpleasant event that affects both parties mentally and phychologically. Feelings of sadness, regret, unhappiness, anxiety and even depression is common after the split. It takes time to heal but with the love of friends, family and counseling you would be just fine.

Although there are many reasons why you should work at your marriage, there are other reasons why divorce is the only option.

Physical abuse

Physical abuse is one of the most compelling reasons why a spouse should seek divorce. There is no place for physical abuse or violence in marriage. Most abused women tend to think it is their fault or start thinking its something they are doing wrong. That is just the feeling of a traumatized mind and is far from the truth.

Physical abuse can cause accidental death, debilitating injury, deep fear, and physiological problems. Nobody should live in fear of his or her spouse so if you are in such a dangerous marriage then divorce is the way out.

An abusive spouse would never change even with counseling so you should seek divorce before it is too late.

Infidelity is also a serious problem in some marriages but has different effects on marriages. Some women seem to tolerate infidelity especially in Africa but have you considered if circumstances were reversed?

There is not a man alive that can accommodate the infidelity of his wife, but the choice of divorce because of infidelity lies squarely on the couple. Although the trust is betrayed if you can forgive, his/her discretion then there is hope for the marriage.

However, if you cannot forgive the discretion then seeking a divorce is the next logical option.

Neglect is also a serious problem in some marriages and is a contributory factor to other problems in the family. Neglect could lead to extramarital affairs, resentment, anger and other negative behavior and feelings.

Communicating your feelings of neglect and sadness might rectify the situation but neglect alone is not a compelling reason for divorce.

Once the love is gone then the union might not stand the test of time, try hard to find that love you had. Love is a two-way thing and marriages suffer when love does not exist. Some marriages are built on friendship not love and the couple live happily for many years.

People grow and change with time so you might find yourself married to a stranger whose ideals and lifestyle seems foreign. Affection, tenderness, and friendship are all elements of love, so when it’s lacking the marriage is in trouble.

Friendship is a strong bond so even without romantic love divorce might not be necessary.

Conclusion

Never rush into a divorce unless your life depends on it, consider other options like counseling, family intervention and communication. Be prepared for change in finances, lifestyle and handle other emotional backlash as they come.

Although a good sex life is important companionship, love and stability are most needed in successful marriages. Compromise is good but never at the detriment of your peace, happiness, and inner tranquility.