- Gender and Relationships
Tinder or Tinder Me Not?-Stephanie Bailey
I was having girls night out when the topic of dating came up (as one of my guy friends would say, "surprise, surprise"). Yes, women talk about men a great deal, but that's one way we figure out what we want, as well as deciding which are the best venues and dating sites to meet men. When my girlfriends asked me if I had ever heard of Tinder and told me that they were on it, I wanted to hear more—how could I not, especially since I haven't dated anyone exclusively in awhile and I do write about relationships.
Tinder is a dating app for smartphones that has basically put a new twist on speed dating.
First, you download the app onto your phone. Next, you set up your profile which is linked to Facebook. By doing this, Tinder pulls three photos from your Facebook profile page (which can be changed), as well as your friends and interests. Once everything has been linked, you go into your settings, choose what sex you are, select distance (the furthest you want your match to be), age range and what sex you are interested in. Then, you go into your profile page (this is where you can edit or add photos) and can create a small bio or intriguing words/sentences to grab the attention of the person looking at your profile. It's quick, simple and very easy to follow
Once everything is set up you are ready to view your matches—one face at a time.
What's great about Tinder is that it forces you to decide if you like the person you're viewing. You see a photo (or several) and possibly their profile and then you have to decide right then and there if you like them or not before viewing the next person. There is no maybe choice. This is definitely a great method for those that have a hard time making decisions. What's even better is that the only way someone can contact you, is if you are a match (you "Liked" them and they also "Liked" you). When you do contact each other, it's through Tinder-texting—texting is through the site only (unless you decide to give them your phone number), so it's completely safe.
How do you make the decision which person (or several) is right for you?
Making the decision to X/Nope or ❤/Liked someone is a challenging task. First, there needs to be an attraction—of course hoping that the photo displayed is an updated one and taken no longer than a few months ago. Picture attraction can be hard since some people are not photogenic. It also doesn't help if they included photos that show more about their hobbies or interests and less including their actual face. However, depending on the person, viewing only someone’s face can sometimes make you question if they are fit or not—especially if they have a fuller face. If meeting someone who's in shape is important to you and their photo makes you question that, they might not get a "Liked" —that's why photo selection is important.
Once you have viewed the photo and have decided that the attraction is there, the second step might be reading their mini profile to help guide in the speedy decision-making. Of course, this depends if they have taken the time to include one. Are they funny? Does their profile intrigue or impress you? If they have stated what they are looking for, does it match what you are looking for?
Third and final step in deciding if that person you’re physically attracted to gets the "Liked" or "Nope", you can check out if you have friends in common and/or common interests. Do you like the "friends" you have in common, and if so, do they have great things to say about him/her?
To be honest, there is a sheer gleam of excitement when you find out the guy or girl you "Liked" also liked you, and "It's a Match!" flashes across your phone. Once this happens, it's time to make the important decision: two boxes will appear under "It's a Match:
Send a Message
—as if you just moved to the next level in the "speed dating game.” If you decided to "keep playing," it doesn't mean that you discard the person you like—it just means that you want to view more possible matches to add to your list of suitable daters.
Although this can sound fun, it can also become annoying and discouraging when you seem to swipe to the left (Nope) more than to the right (Liked). Why does this happen? Being on Tinder myself and conversing with my friends, this is what we have decided....
1.Don't put photos of you with your friends—it's hard for us to figure out who you are and sometimes we think your friend is hotter than you.
2. Too many scenic photos—it's great that you love the mountains, beach, snowboarding, the ground, you're bike, etc., however, we want to see what you look like. The most annoying profile pictures are scenic photos where the person isn't in them, or if they are, you can barley see them.
3. A photo with you and another woman is a turn-off—even if she's your sister we will think she's possibly an ex or a "close friend" that you wish you were sleeping with. Avoid photos where you're in them and it's obvious that a woman was cut out—very tacky.
4. Multiple photos with you and your dog—we get it, you like your dog, but are you a doggie dater? Should we expect you to bring your dog on dates or possibly cancel dates due to you needing to tend to your dog?
5. Too many photos with your kid(s)—although it's great that you are a proud parent, having most of your photos including you with your kids or possibly just your kids gives the impression that you don't have time for a relationship.
6. Dressing in drag or a costume—it's great that you have a humorous side, but in all honesty, it leaves us questioning if you are funny or just immature.
Once you have found a profile that grabs your attention, why isn't there a date, or if there was one—why isn't there a second date?
There are so many reasons why a photo might initially intrigue you, but it doesn’t necessarily lead to a date or long term. So, what goes wrong after you "Liked" the person?
Reasons Why There Is No Date Or No Second Date:
1. He waits too long to contact you—yes guys, even if "It's a Match," we still want you to contact us first. The guy that makes the most effort will usually win our hearts. You know we like you so due the pursuing.
2. The dialogue between us is stagnant and frankly boring. You either don't ask us anything about ourselves, answer with quick one-liners or you jump too quickly to ask for our phone number without getting to know us.
3. Too much time passes (days or weeks) between each communication that occurs—causing our excitement to fade.
4. After Tinder-texting for awhile, you don't ask us out—it's great to have the safety of texting through Tinder, however, when the conversation is going great you need to seal the deal and ask us out.
5. You ask us on a date and expect us to choose the place—not only is this not romantic, but we don't know your financial situation, so this puts us in an awkward and uncomfortable situation—especially the first date!
6. You plan the first date near where you live versus where we live (or in the middle of both)—can you say lazy dater?
7. You don't Tinder-text or call (if you have our number) when you're late for the date—you know that if it's five minutes until date time and you're still twenty minutes away— most likely going to be late (value our time).
8. When finally meeting, you have nothing to say—your personality and ability to communicate has apparently been used up during Tinder-texting.
9. At the end of the date, you expect us to split the bill—Seriously?
10. You don't look like your photo—need I say more?
11. The outfit you wore was sloppy—you obviously didn't put much thought into what you where wearing. I'm not saying that you have to wear a suit or a prom dress, however dress to impress, even if you're just meeting us for coffee (you get only one first impression).
12. There is no connection or chemistry—we either feel it or we don't.
Although Tinder is all the rage right now—is it just for hooking-up or can you actually find a significant other? Personally, I think it all depends on what you are looking for. If you are not looking for a casual hookup, then make sure your conversation steers clear of any sexual innuendos. The more questions you ask each other, the clearer you will be of the other person’s intentions.
Even though there is some room for improvements with the Tinder app, (being able to zoom in on photo's, having the ability to select the height range your interested in, etc.) it's a great way to meet a lot of people in a short amount of time.
Tinder is great for the person who is looking for a new dating site or doesn't have a lot of time to devote to going out in hopes of meeting someone. If you are looking for a little tinderness—whether it’s a short connection or possibly longer (with very little hassle), then Tinder might be the perfect dating site for you!