Tips for Christian Guys Getting Back Into the Dating Scene

Do you need advice about how to get back into the dating scene? Maybe you've never dated at all, and your lack of experience is making you nervous. Perhaps you've been busy with other goals - things like college and work may have been more important than your social life. Or maybe you've been through a break-up or a divorce, but now you're ready to date again. Take these tips for single Christian guys and have some fun while you try to meet the right girl.

Before you get started, it's important to be honest with yourself. Living life as a Christian makes an impact on your love life, so it's important to keep this in mind. That alone may drive some people away from you, and that's ok. It doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong, or that anything is wrong with you. It just means that those people aren't right for you, and vice versa. You need to remember who you are, so you don't lose yourself in the process.

Being honest with potential dates - no matter how old you are - that you won't live together until you're married is going to change things. It's very common today for people to live together before they're married. Trying to find someone that you have chemistry with, and that you'll have a solid friendship with, isn't easy. People who go to church aren't guaranteed to be good people, either. Finding a Christian companion who loves Jesus but won't judge you for your flaws is no easy task. True love is like a butterfly - it seems to land into people's lives when they're not trying - so it's important to be honest with people about who you are and what you want. Before you start - or re-start - dating, remember how special you are and how much you have to offer a prospective partner.

Time after time, we see men and women on TV and in the movies who have gotten together after becoming friends. It's not just a fake story, because this happens so much in real life. So, if there's someone who catches your eye at school, at work, or at or church, get to know her. Try to become friends. Talk to her, and if there's any opportunity to hang out in a group setting, accept the invitation. It's common to try to rush things into a romantic mode, but you might also find your chance if you take your time and really get to know her.

There's a romantic high when you find someone attractive and start dating, but there can be lots of benefits of building a friendship before you chose to date. A lot of guys have taken a permanent break from dating and pursuing love by becoming part of the Men Going Their Own Way movement. Burned by women, some of these guys have decided that it just isn't worth it to try to find a woman worthy of love. Maybe you know some of these guys. But there are lots of good women out there, and you can find one, if you take your time.

Part of the benefit of becoming friends first is that you can sit back, without getting sexually involved, and watch a woman's character. You can figure out who she is, what drives her, what she wants out of life, and how she conducts herself. You can watch her and see if she's someone worthy of being part of your life and opening your heart up to.

When you meet someone you like, do you feel nervous and eager to impress? Whether you're having a long dinner date or a short conversation, you can avoid common pitfalls that can derail a potential friendship or a budding romance:

• Don't embarrass yourself by trying to act tough. It's attractive to be masculine, but if you try to act tough by putting on a front that doesn't match who you are, you may embarrass yourself.
• Don't demean her because you're trying to hide your feelings. Being mean to someone you have a crush on is something that elementary school kids do. This is totally different from having a fun banter with someone, which makes them laugh. Fun, two-sided banter can build a friendship. If you are hurting her feelings, or if you're trying to "tease" her but she isn't smiling or laughing, then you need to stop.
• Don't try to pretend to be what you think she'll like just to impress her. Eventually, she'll find out what your true interests are. Pretending to be loud and outgoing when you're really quiet and introverted will become exhausting. It's one thing to take an interest in what she likes because you want to broaden your horizons, or because you want to show you care by investing your time in something she cares about. There's nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you're not pretending to be something you're not. Don't lie about who you are or what you like.
• Don't resort to stunts like bragging about how much money you make or how much you spent at the casino over the weekend. This could fail. While you might think it makes you look impressive (it shows how much money you have, right?), it might make you look financially unstable and irresponsible. If you want to impress her with your material possessions, these items will speak for themselves, and you won't need to mention how much they cost.

Guys, even if you haven't met that special lady yet, keep your eyes open. You never know when she might appear. Are you ready for that someone special to enter your life? Do you envision yourself with someone really great, or just ok? Amazing women want amazing men, so prepare yourself for such.

Envision yourself with your ideal lady. How will you introduce yourself to her? If you're at the phase in life where marriage (or a second marriage) might be a possibility, is your career in order? Do you have a stable job? Are you ready to be a dad? Are you respected at your job, or could you take the steps needed to improve your life (job training, working on your resume, etc.). Quality women respect a man who has an awesome work ethic, and who can consistently provide.

How do you feel about yourself? Everyone has flaws; no one is perfect. The key is to love yourself and accept yourself as you are. Don't settle for a girl who doesn't have a plan for her life; look for a woman who is mature, virtuous, and seeking to improve herself throughout her life. Look for a woman who will respect you, and who respects herself. Quality attracts quality, so it will be harder for you to find a quality woman if you do not respect yourself.

If you're thinking about getting back into dating, it might help to pause and think about how Christian women might be approaching dating. There is advice that persists in some Christian circles you should be aware of. Teachings in churches vary dramatically, but it's still important to be aware of what some ladies are being taught:

• Some Christian ladies are still being told that they should not ask a man out;
• Some are being told to not pursue a man;
• Some are being advised that it's the man that must ask for the date because men are to be the leaders in marriage, and this begins in asking for the date.

Wait, wait, wait, you might be thinking. Really? It's true that both men and women can ask for a date, but the fact is that for these reasons and more, some Christian women just aren't going to do the asking. So, if you feel some chemistry between yourself and a woman, and you're both single, but nothing happens, she may be waiting on you to make move.

Guys, I know dating today is probably much harder than it was in the past. I know it's scary to potentially be rejected by someone you admire, like, or even respect deeply. But I truly believe that there would be so many more dates - and potentially happy couples - if men would feel empowered with the courage to do the asking! So gentlemen, if you're single, she's single, and you think that there's some interest, ask her out! Take the initiative, and go for it!