- Gender and Relationships
Top five small things that destroy your marriage!
“The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little ‘extra’ every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.” –Fawn Weaver
Do you know that it is the small things that make you feel completely sheltered and cared in any relationship? A word of appreciation from your parents, a pat in the shoulders by your boss, a warm hug from your brother\sister all gives you immense mental pleasure.
Your marriage too needs such small things to make you happy. Do you also know that there are many small things that destroy your relationship with your spouse? A wrong word uttered, insolent body language, too much of sneakiness and uncaring attitude are all relationship destroyers. But sadly you concentrate on the bigger issues and fail to see such small termite like aspects eating into your relationship.
When you ignore such niggling aspects of your marriage, it acts as embers to eventually burn your marriage to ashes. You are always focused on the materialistic welfare of your family and think that your happiness depends on how well off you are. In the bargain you do not pay heed to the finer aspects of your relationship which is in fact the core to your successful married life.
- Why do you always fail to pay attention to the inner needs of your spouse?
- Why do not realize that he\she is an individual wanting some respect and care from you?
You were not like this when in love, were you? You played the role of a perfect lover to the hilt, didn’t you? You know why? Before marriage you wanted him\her so much that you cloaked yourself with characteristics he\she liked. But after marriage he\she is all yours and so you shed the assumed cloak of goodness to reveal the true you.
It is basic human nature to strive hard to achieve something and let go after getting it. Marriage relationship has also become like that- the fight to conquer and when conquered letting it to gather dust!
What are minor mistakes that eventually become major destructive elements of your married life?
- Your body language
- Unthinking words you speak
- The way you interact with your spouse before others
- Your lack of transparency
- Mobile phones, TV and laptop
1. Disrespectful body language destroys your relationship!
Do you know that your body language speaks volumes than your words? You can show your love and care through your body language. But it is sad that you use it to show your anger and resentment.
- Do roll your eyes at your spouse? It is the worst possible act of insolence!
- Do you deliberately look away from your spouse when he\she is talking to you? It clearly shows that you do not care and so not prepared to listen to him\her.
- Do you cross your arms around your chest? It is confrontation mode!
Why do you use such negative body language which makes your spouse deviate from you? Your body language can speak volumes of love to your spouse. Direct eye contact, arms around the shoulders while walking in a crowd, gentle wiping of tears all creates magic to your marriage.
2. Unthinking words kills your marriage
Sometimes you utter words without knowing the negative impact it has in your relationship. Words of comparison make your spouse hate you. Why do you want to compare your spouse with others? When you do not like your spouse to compare you with his\her friends\relatives, it is only natural that he\she hates you when you do it.
Insulting words questioning the capability of your spouse and commanding words can also make your spouse resent you. Uncaring words when your spouse comes to you for solace makes him\her withdraw from you. Angry words create distance in your relationship.
3. Do you get carried away when you are with friends\relatives?
‘He makes fun of me when he is with his parents. It feels so insulting and when I question him he says he did it for fun. I do not see anything funny in it.’ my friend told me how her husband always made fun of her appearance, cooking and her way of keeping the house whenever his parents visited him. A poor sense of humor!
How do you interact with your spouse when he\she with your relatives? Do you get carried away and make the worst possible jokes about your spouse? It makes him\her cringe in shame and frustration and you never know the hostility your spouse has about you. He\she waits for his\her turn to award you with the same complement and it becomes your turn to cringe and flinch in shame. A tit of tat! Not at all needed in marriage!
4. Do you hide things from your spouse?
Do you speak in low voice in the mobile when your spouse is around? Is there an air of secrecy about you that your spouse feels suspicious about you? Do you hide your money dealings? Do you spend long hours with the opposite sex without the knowledge of your spouse? Great marriage killers! You never know that you unknowingly kill your married life when there is no transparency in your interaction with your spouse.
5. Mobile phones, TV and laptops- the great marriage intruders!
It is now common to see husband and wife being at home but not talking with one another. You are in the mobile whereas your spouse is at the internet and your children play the video games. The sounds at your home are robotic sounds of programmed voices! Unless you know the trick of drawing a stopping line to these modern gadgets your married life will at best survive but cannot vibrate with love.
You do not deliberately make these mistakes, but when you do not understand the niceties of relationship, you cannot withstand the toil and hardship of your married life. Do not just live your married life mechanically but enjoy it to the full by paying positive attention to these small but highly effective aspects of marriage.
© 2014 mathira