- Gender and Relationships»
Ultimate Guide to a Happy Marriage for Newlyweds
DID YOU KNOW?
Researchers at Michigan State University conducted an experiment to find out the true secret of a happy marriage and so they asked a variety of couples that have been married more than 30 years the secret to a happy marriage and the most common answers were avoiding these pitfalls:
1. Growing apart - losing interest and falling out of love.
2. Money and Finance.
So, you recently tied the knot with your partner and thought your married life would be as glorious as the wedding ceremony. In the beginning, it was all happy sailing, regular sex, constant cuddles and all that lovey dovey stuff. Then reality kicks in, suddenly you’re bickering over little things like taking the trash out, feeding the cat, putting the dishes in the dishwasher or you find yourself constantly irritated with the other’s presence. Yes, you love each other but other circumstances such as finances and kids put you both in a constant friction of balancing your married life.
The reality is in all marriages every couple undergoes a variety of troubles. Sadly most newlyweds haven’t a clue what is ahead and waiting for them when they do decide to bond together for life and are totally unprepared for married life. Even if you have been cohabiting for a few years, the act of turning your relationship into a marriage changes everything. Statistics show that almost all newlywed couples especially those between the ages of 18-35 experience premature doubts at the first few months of marriage. The most common reasons include:
- Loss of interest in the relationship in general.
- Have no motivation or ambition to keep the relationship alive.
- Feelings of being “forever trapped” to one person, one life.
- Boredom and the same regular routine
- Financial constrains and unsustainability
Bottom line is, when you decide to get married you’re not just saying words but you are physically making a commitment and it is your duty to see to this agreement until death separates you. Like the good book (Bible) says, “It is better to not make a promise at all than make a promise you cannot keep.” That pretty much describes over 90% percent of marriages today. People are making promises and not keeping them and you wonder why divorces are skyrocketing?
But on the other hand, if you are one of the old fashion folk that still believes in the sanctity of marriage, then I urge you to read on and take some of the advice given below.
What is the current state of your marriage?
Keep Both Eyes “Open” Before You Get Married
This just means that before you rush down to say “I do,”, SEE everything about your partner then ask yourself if you can live with all the imperfections- for the rest of your life. If you wait till you’re married to see these imperfections, then you will have to shut one eye- the eye that sees those imperfections and take your partner as he or she is for the rest of your life. We all have our unconscious fairy tale ideas on what we expect in a marriage but fantasy is an illusion, so forget about what you dreamed about what marriage would be as a little girl/boy. Instead use your intuition and be 100% certain that when you do get married, you will be able to withstand all the troubles that will come your way.
Manage Your Money Together
We can’t deny the fact that money plays a vital role in your marriage life. You won’t be surprised if this subject will always be part of any happy marriage secrets posted online or in prints. Money can be a source of conflicts between newlyweds.
Do not be afraid to talk about money with each other. Identify how each of your personalities in handling money can work for your marriage. Plan on meeting your goals and dreams together. Be realistic and use your money wisely. Don’t let the one of you be superior to the other when it comes to money. It is vital that you are both equal money earners and contributors. If you have problems managing your finances then seek help and hire an accountant/financial advisor. Try to avoid “lavish spending” regardless whether you have money or not. Discuss with one another and don’t hide any financial details from each other. If you hide then you shouldn’t be married because obviously there is no trust in such a relationship.
Family and Friends are Important Too
The secret of a happy marriage is not just between you two. Friends and family also contribute to marital bliss. If you have friends that both accept your union, then chances are higher for you to have a long lasting marriage than when you have no friends or family to turn to or look up to. Having friends and family relieves the pressure off from you suffering from common marital problems like boredom, loss of interest etc. If you have issues do not keep it to yourself but instead let it all out. Make it work, even if it equates to marriage counselling. It helps if you talk about your issues with your partner, your friends, and even with your family. Bear this in mind that marriage is not as easy as any one may think.
Make Everyday Different, Change Your Routine
Don't be afraid to talk about changing things and making plans. You can change roles and scratch off the traditional way, go ahead and exchange housework and divide work fairly. Be spontaneous, be flirty with one another, play a sport or go sailing or anything that you don’t normally do. Share each other’s hobbies and interest. For example if you like golf and your other half like football then participate in each other’s hobbies. Go to a golf game or play fantasy football, whatever to keep you active and motivated.
No Secrets, No lies.
Do not expect your spouse to be a mind reader. At first you will feel uncomfortable to share your feelings, your thoughts, desires, and expectations. But in time, you must develop trust to your partner just as they develop trust towards you. This is important because together you can create a bond where he or she can reveal his or her emotions, thoughts, ideas, and expectations without any reservations. Be a good listener if he or she only needs a listening ear. Acceptance, deeper understanding, knowing that you’re safe and that you’re closer is the result of an open, honest talk and “really” listening to your partner. Before you got married, you may have kept secrets from each other. Please understand that every marriage has secrets, but secrets do not remain hidden for long. Sooner or later secrets always come out in the least expected way. So, it is much better for both of you to let it all out in the open to spare yourself the misery of discovering a secret.
Do not lie to one another. Lying is one common trait in every marriage and although you can get away with a few white lies, those white lies pile up to the point where you just can’t lie anymore. As they say, honesty is the best policy, so use that policy in your marriage.
So, if you’ve been wondering why your marriage is on the rocks, have a look through these simple ideologies and relate to the ones that affect you and fix it. Marriage was invented so that the two people involved would be happy and it can still be the case. It’s up to you and your partner and the circumstances that led you to marriage. There are people out there that have been married for over 80 years, so it is possible to have a happy marriage. All you need is perseverance, patience, love and tolerance!
Remember your vows - “to be one heart and one soul, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” Giving up marriages has become an option for a lot of people but it shouldn’t be that way. Marriage is binding so if you can’t handle it, then don’t get married!