- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
In a bad relationship the good things can never weigh heavier
Unhealthy have many faces
An unhealthy relationship can have many different faces. Most of them you see in violence and jealousy. These are the ones that come up to the surface as really bad and unhealthy. Some end up on the frontpage of the news, but most of them stay behind closed doors.We often react very strong on abusive persons we see on TV or read about. Because we all know that it is not right to treat another person like that. Someone that beats their partner up or physically abuses and hurt them can not be a healthy person to have in anyones life.
But there are also those relationships that are very unhealthy in a way for others not to see. A bruse or beaten person can try to hide their scars, but eventually they will show. A physical abuse is harder to discover. They damage you for a long time, and make you doubt yourself and your abilities as a partner or even as a living person.
I talk about the partners who seem really nice and harmless on the outside, but who actually are the ones that take the control at home. Those who calls you names, make you feel bad for things you do, for the way you treat them. Those who save all anger up and use it all to crush you when they get mad.
These relations get deep into your mind. The scarring is invisible to everyone, even to yourself. It's not something that just wipes of and you move on. It is issues that can effetc your future relathionships if you don't work them out. It may even be so that you don't know that this was bad until it's over.
You didn't know better
When you haven't had many relationsips. When you're young and naive, and most of all happy to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, things can go very wrong if you don't know what you want from a relationship. Maybe you are scared the other will break up and leave you if you say what you think.
It's a big mistake to not speak your mind from the start. It can cause trouble later, or argues that were not needed. Honesty is one of the key's that build a strong relationship between people. If the person you are seeing are taking adantage of the fact that you are the weaker mind, it can escalate to a situation that none of you prefers.
If you for example are afraid to say No to a suggestion this will be hard to take back later. Because when no turns to maybe and then turns into yes, you can't control it anymore. It's the same as with children or dogs. You need to put up boundaries from the start! Everybody has thing they don't want or like to do, and these things must be respected.
When we are young there are lots of preassure from friends, familie and media on how you should be and how to act or look. This can cause you to end up like I did. After 4 years I woke up and realised that I was trapped in something destructive and bad. I was depressed, stressed out, angry and sad most of the time. I didn't sleep well and I was collapsing from the inside.
My partner at the time was probably not aware of the damage he did to me. That how ever is no excuse for not respecting me and doing what he did. But I did not stand up for myself when we met, I adjusted to him to much and lost myself and the power of me saying No.
The worst part is that no one ever knew the things that happened or ever have had a thought of him as the person I see in him. He was a dream to many.
To sum this up: Never be with someone that doesnt respect you. An equal relationship is fantastic, where you can give and take and feel love and respect towards each other.
No one should ever be able to force you into something that you don't want. It's your life and your body and your mind. You have to live with the memory of things that happens to you, make the memories good.
"If a relationships is good, you know it.If you don't feel certain, it probably isn't good at all." - Me