Weirdo Bad Dates To Avoid - Encounters Of The Worst Kind

I’ve had a lot of strange dates – from the man who wanted $15,000 from me so that “we could start our life together” (I didn't) to the one who was on the mobile phone working throughout the entire date. The dating game is an ambiguous one – everyone puts on their supposedly best behaviour and it’s up to you to figure out your date’s ulterior motives (if there are any) and why no one else has grabbed them first.

Here’s a handy guide to some of the bad dates I had and what the warning signs were. Though I make a lot of assumptions about personality here, the basic premise could apply to any date, male or female, with some small differences. As a woman, I am writing from that perspective, but I’m sure both sexes have been guilty of similar conduct.

This type of date is very common. You’ll meet him on dating sites or through Meetups or Facebook groups. He’s keen to get started on a date/relationship and he’s very accepting of you and your foibles. On the first date he will be dressed up to the nines in his very best (and only) dating outfit. It is designed to make you feel that he’s put in a lot of effort and that you can be proud of the peacock on your arm. There will be excessive amounts of aftershave sprayed on and lots of flirting and warm conversation.

Throughout the date, this man comes across as a caring, empathic and funny person. He really is quite an apple and hangs onto your every word – you wonder why he’s single and he mentions a few horror stories of dragon women from the past. Beware – all women this man dates will be b*tches, including you, even if you end it after just one date.

As time goes on and the dating ritual gathers steam, you’ll be puzzled as to why your dating locations seem rather humdrum, or why he is shaking his head at the register after the meal when he thinks you are not looking. But he is so caring and thoughtful when around you, you’re willing to compromise a little.

He seems like the perfect prospect for a relationship other than the money issue, but then you’ll notice another warning sign - that he doesn’t drive (usually put down to a past traumatic driving incident and/or the fact that he never learnt how) and a third warning sign is that you’ll never get to see his house or his friends or his life. This is because he can’t afford a car, his friends are homeless bums (if he has any) and he doesn’t want you to see the absolute poverty of the sharehouse he lives in.

You’ll soon get the hint with this guy because at some point he won’t be able to pay for himself. There’ll be a catastrophe where he is thrown out of his current accommodation, or he cannot go on a date because he is broke or something will present itself and he’ll have to ask you for a favour and it won’t be a little favour, it will be the kind of favour that will leave you scratching your head asking “why would he ask me for that? I’d never ask a date for such a thing!”

Dump him out of your life as quickly as possible is my advice and don’t let him wheedle his way back in again. These types of guys are experts at hustling women for all the things they can’t (or won’t) provide for themselves. They actually hate women at heart and enjoy taking advantage of them.

This man seems to offer a lovely potential relationship when you start dating him. He’s full of great conversation, is able to pay his own way and is respectful of you. Over the course of a number of dates, he builds you up with flirting and compliments and tells you about his magic fingers (or magic tongue) that have driven all the women he’s dated before mad with excitement and passion. But he’s saving it all especially for you and you’re just going to love it, baby!

The big moment finally arrives, and after weeks of romanticising about your future life together and how he is the one amazing fish left in the sea that means anything to you, you’ll be keen to try out his magic techniques.

Don’t bother.

Firstly, he will commence with something that feels quite ordinary and then his magic fingers/magic tongue turn out to be less than thrilling and may even border on being an irritating or painful nightmare. You tell him it would be wonderful if he could just be a bit more gentle or if he could go harder or concentrate on one particular spot….but he will not listen or pay any attention to your pleadings whatsoever. He’ll just say “well all the other women liked it this way”, and keep on going.

Turns out Mr Magic Fingers once pleased ONE woman somewhere and is now living in a past re-enaction of that scenario as he’s not been able to please anyone else since. It is an obsession. He will not listen or consider you at all in bed but will follow his own agenda till the very end, to prove to himself that he’s still “got it”, even though you disagree.

Often you’ll find that this type of man is not that handsome but has personality/wit/money to offer, that’s why he’s bothered with all this magic fingers business in the first place (he thinks you don’t want him if he doesn't have frills). The stupid part is that if he treated you like a real person and lived in the present moment instead of using you in a desperate attempt to feel young again, he might have had a chance.

This guy presents as an intellectual man who can read your mind better than most. He’s possibly handsome, smart, funny and appears to have his life together. You’re thrilled that someone can read your mind and offers the possibility of being truly intimate. You really like him and the relationship will travel along at a normal pace. Sometimes he will hint that the secret to his success is something more than just himself, there’ll be mention of a religion or organisation which helped him become the man he is today.

Then, when the time is right, he’ll tell you his little secret – he’s a Scientologist. You’ll be surprised and interested to hear about this hidden world and he might eagerly tell you all about it. Some of it will make logical sense and some of it will make you wonder if he was born stupid to believe in such cr*p. Anyway, life will go on and if you resist joining Scientology, you’ll discover some disturbing patterns.

Firstly, your Scientologist will start making assumptions about you, based upon his confidence with the “mind reading”. You’ll tell him he’s incorrect and his assumptions are not the truth at all, but he won’t listen and will take the attitude that he knows best.

Secondly, you might get to experience some questionable realities at play in his life – real world laws, regulations and rules will not apply in creating the successful individual/business/empire. He will tell you he lives the reality to create it, that he is determined and persistent (even if it breaks the law or abuses other people).

Thirdly, when something physical ails you or you have pain, you will be told "it's all in the mind". This may very well be the case, but there is no help forthcoming from your partner to assist you in rectifying the situation, other than silly suggestions that don't work.

The Scientologists I have known always aim to succeed, rather than learn (they have to afford all those expensive books and courses). They’re keen to get ahead in life, even if it means leaving you behind. Get out before you wake up next to a total stranger on a power trip, who will not be there for you if times get tough.