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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
What Do Men Love About Women?
A Woman's Perspective on What Men Want
As women, we tend to have preconceived notions about what men want. Many of these come from the way we were raised. Watching the way our mom's acted around our dad's and other men. Watching the way our dad or other men acted around our mom. Then seeing how other men/boys in our environment treated other women/girls. Sadly, television also has a very large impact on a woman's view of what men really want from them, or like about them.
Common Misconceptions About Men's Wants:
1. Hot Bodies
Most woman feel that men want their women to be super athletic, perfectly weighted or that they should always be dressed to the nines.
2. Sexual Gratification
They say that a man thinks about sex about every 14 seconds. Though does that really men that's all he wants from a woman?
It's pretty common for women to believe that men want to be in control. Society and tradition has suggested that this is still a man's world and that a man should in control of everything about his world. Do you think he really wants to be in control of everything all the time?
What Men Really Want
What we think men want and what men really want, are often dramatically different. Though there isn't any need to feel like you should have known. Most men don't understand themselves enough to explain what they really want and much of society has trained both genders in what men should want and how they should act.
The more important thing to think about, is that you now recognize the need to change your perspective and actions. The past is the past. The only thing we can do is learn from it and then let it be the past. In the past you might not have understood what men really want. Though now that you are reading this hub, you will soon know, and you can put the unknowing behind you and move on to a better and brighter future.
Now it's time to learn... What Men Really Want:
1. Unconditional Love
Most men have been through bad relationships where they were constantly threatened with abandonment. It could have started with their parents, or when they first started dating in school. To be constantly under the threat of losing a relationship over insignificant behaviors, or differences in opinion is horrible. It leaves a guy feeling insecure and shifty in his commitment. Yet time and time again, most relationships are plagued with threats of break ups because of something they did wrong. That leaves a lack of trust in the relationship and makes a guy feel like your love is conditional. It's only there if he does things that please you. How would you feel if every little thing you did, could mean the end of a relationship that you otherwise enjoy?
Men want to feel that their partners love them unconditionally. They want to know that even though you might be unhappy when they misbehave, that they aren't going to lose you and that they will have a chance to make things better. This will not only help them trust in the relationship, but if there ever does come a time when you really would leave them over their actions, that they will respect what you have to say. When you are constantly threatening to leave them, or kick them out, it becomes an empty threat. Empty threats simply leave to more fights, less progress and a ruined relationship.
Way to many woman engage in disrespectful acts with their male mates. The worst part is, most woman just don't realize they are doing this. They might think they are playfully ribbing their man. They might feel that because he is a man, he should be able to take what they dish out. Most woman, are simply used to behaving a certain way and don't take the time to step back and think about whether or not they are respecting their mate.
#1. Name Calling
#3. Extreme jealousy
#4. Derogatory Statements/Put Downs
#5. Withholding Affection
Every man wants to feel like his woman respects him. He doesn't want to be called names (jerk, dumba**, stupid, idiot, a**whole, ect...). Name calling is something immature people do. We don't allow our children to name call and it shouldn't be seen in a relationship either. Constantly complaining or whining about everything is a good way to push away your man as well. Another situation where these things come up, is when you would like your mate to do something for you, or to do something your way. Don't whine at him like a little girl or throw a fit. It won't get you anywhere and makes you very unattractive in his eyes.
Being extremely jealous is usually a sign of an insecure person. It really has very little to do with his behavior and more to do with your lack of trust and security in the relationship. It's important to communicate with him about the situations that make you uncomfortable and help him understand how you can feel more secure. Though you want to understand that he shouldn't have to bend over backward to accommodate you either. It is equally as important to remember that there are going to be plenty of situations he can't control and plenty of ordinary situations that you have no business being jealous about. The finite truth about extreme jealousy is that while you might be able to beat your man into submission for a while, eventually you WILL drive him away.
Using derogatory statements or putting down your mate, is a very good way to turn him away. This includes but is not limited to: making fun of him for doing poorly at certain skills or activities, giving him an overly hard time about not succeeding at projects or at work, talking smack about him to other people, chastising him about a certain part of himself that he is insecure about or telling him he's no good.
Withholding affection is another sure fire way to ruin your chances with him. As a part of loving him unconditionally, you have to learn that the only times you should withhold your affections are times of extreme necessity. If he won't do something your way, that's no reason to withhold sex or give him the silent treatment. It may seem like it works at first, but eventually he will go somewhere else to get the affection. Another less thought about issues, is trying to make your man jealous when he won't give you attention or what you want. This is another form of withholding affection, only it's worse. Instead of just not giving him affection, you're now handing affection out to other men? That's no way to be and not what your man wants.
Your man really wants you to respect him. In every way and form. There are lots of ways that you can show him respect without sacrificing your own needs or self-respect. There are so many ways that you can show him respect, that the most important part is not doing any of the above disrespectful actions. Take some times to study ways of respecting any human being and you will have plenty of success respecting your man.
There is not a single person on this either who wants to find out they've been cheated on when they were in a committed monogamous relationship. That includes every man on this earth. If you are in an exclusive relationship with a man, then there is no room for other flings, dates or excursions with other men. If you need an open or polygamous relationship, then make that clear from the beginning. NO messing around.
4. Clear Direction
Many woman have a habit of over explaining their needs or expectations. I am no angel when it comes to this issue. It wasn't until my husband sat down with me out of frustration and told me he had no idea what I really wanted, because I over explained it. I made a simple matter of miscommunication, into an entire lecture about what I needed from him. Sadly, I'm not alone in doing this. Many woman get into trying to communicate with their men and they overdo it. It's mostly a matter of gender behaviors. Woman are very cerebral and detailed oriented. Where men are often more direct and concise. Men really want the chance to please you as often as they can and you can give that to them through have short and clear directions about your needs, desires and expectations in the relationship.
If you need him to call you back or text you back right away, just tell him "I need you to call me back right away or at least text me. It makes me feel insecure when you don't". They don't need you to launch into an explanation about how you developed the insecurity, or the crazy images that go through your head when they don't answer their phone. Clear and simple directions. That's all it takes.
Another part of being clear about your needs and expectations, is acting in accordance with how you feel. Don't pretend that nothing is wrong, when something is clearly upsetting you. Don't tell them you're "fine" when you're not. Tell them what's bothering you, in a respectful way, when it bothers you. Don't hold it in until you explode at them later over an issue that has nothing to do with anything. Communicate what you need, what you want and what you expect from him. Be short and clear about it and you will both win.
5. A Woman Who Takes Care of Herself
A man wants a woman who takes care of herself. That doesn't mean that she needs to be a beauty queen, super skinny or best dressed all the time. What it does mean, is that you need to smell good, wear clean clothes, clean up after yourself and to take care of yourself. You also need to show that you still enjoy looking extra special for your man when he wants to take you out. No man wants to feel like his woman isn't interested in looking good for him at least some of the time.
6. Sharing Control
Most men end up being in control of things in the relationship. Where to eat, what to eat, paying the bills, when to do something romantic or special. It's not that they mind that in most situations, but every man loves a woman who takes some of the control. In a relationship, decisions should be a shared effort. You should not have all the control and neither should he. Sometimes you can decide you want to go out to eat to your favorite restaurant. Sometimes you can decide to plan a romantic adventure. You might decide that you want an afternoon quickie and that's okay too!
Not only does shared control give both partners the chance to be respected and in control, it also gives your man a good example of what you really like. They really like this, because when they are in control, they will feel like they can choose to do something you both like.
In our society, romance is often left up to the man. This would be an interesting way to do it, if each boy in the world were handed a real world manual on how to be romantic. Otherwise the only examples of romance are in the movies and most of them are unrealistic adventures. So most men are unaware of what it takes to woo you, or how to keep thing spiced up. By being the one to romance them, you can give them a good example of ways they can romance you in return. It's a starting place if nothing else.
On top of giving them a good example, there is no reason that they don't deserve to be romanced anyway. Not to mention, there is no man that doesn't enjoy the undivided attention from you. Buy them an inexpensive gift for no reason (and with no strings attached), tell them you love them on a regular basis, cook them a meal that you can eat outside with soft music playing, plan an adult adventure at home or somewhere else. You can get creative and the internet holds lots of ideas if you need some.
What men really want from a woman, is to be loved, respected and appreciated.
Treat them as you would want them to treat you.
Remember that for every flaw or annoyance you find in them, you have equal flaws and annoying habits that they have to put up with as well.
These are my experiences with what men want, mixed in with experiences of my male and female friends and family. They are not the whole puzzle, but some large pieces that you can put together in order to clearly see the rest of the big picture.