What Does It Mean to Cherish?

Love is more than a box of chocolates.

Men line up every year on February 14^th and buy a card and a cheap box of chocolates on their way home from their job and then they hope some restaurant will let them in on a short notice reservation. If you were to talk to these same men a week or so ago on how they prepared for their Super bowl parties, you’d hear about preparations and organization made with a butcher, sandwich maker, and a big TV sales delivery department that would make a corporate Project Manager turn green with envy.

Shame on you – all of you.

Those of you who are without an object of your affection at least have an excuse. You have either decided you have other priorities in your life or have not found the yin to your yang. Those of you who are married or have someone special in your life need to remember that you spent some serious time planning, primping, and making yourself desirable enough to con someone special to be in your life. That poor person has been duped. And you’ve gotten so involved with life’s drama that you’ve forgotten who’s really important.

I’m sad to say that we’re all guilty of this – myself included.

While I do respect people who have made the commitment to not follow the commands of the greeting card corporations on when to appreciate someone special on days like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Valentine’s Day, I still hold you responsible for not taking your lover for granted.

Let me ask you if you still do this:

• Do you tell your special someone how much you love them?
• For married people: If you are the first one to wake up and leave for work, do you kiss your spouse good-bye? Do you do it every day?
• Do you still hold your lover’s hand?
• Do you hug you special one for no reason other than they are there?
• Do you ever wonder what your special someone ever saw in you to stay with you through your obnoxious crap?
• Ever buy them something because you were thinking of them and that something would make them happy?
• Have you put your needs after theirs? (You shouldn’t do this all the time, but you should know when it’s important to do so.)
• Do you remember the special days? When you met? When you were married? When their birthday is?

I’m not the first person to say that people are like snowflakes. Everyone is different.

In relationships, the things that work for one couple may not work with another. However, one thing will ring true every time – you need to respect your partner.

My wife is a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful person who has chosen so incredibly poorly in her choice of mates that I’m amazed that, in one moment of ethereal frustration, she has not just beaten me with a club like some kind of demented exorcist. We are in our mid to late forties and despite my being a year younger than she, she’s in better shape.

Those of you who have read my articles should know that I’m not always the bright candle of joy that I write about. My complex mind whirls with bouts of depression enough to make nun give up her faith in a higher power. My wife, who is quite a spiritually aware person, has made the observation that my negativity is pretty noxious.

My loss is my readers’ gain – the crappier my mood, the better my writing. Most of the zombie articles are done in my more psychotic moods. The unsung heroine in all of this is my wife who has gotten gargantuan doses of black mamba venom in her face. If it weren’t for my flashes of brilliant humor every so often, I’d be just another mystery axe murder victim, littering the shores of Monmouth County.

But I digress.

What I think is good for one couple may have nothing to do with your instance. I don’t pretend to know everything. However, I do think that everything works if you make the effort.

For example, my wife is a health coach. She is a vegan as well. She does not want me to buy her chocolate – especially milk chocolate. She also considers herself a nature lover and would be completely repulsed by my bringing her cut flowers. As I mentioned before, there are some people who have taken the stance that the greeting card companies are telling people to celebrate holidays by buying an appropriate card.

No candy. No flowers. No card. No restaurant.

What do I do? I can’t get away with the hastily bought card bought at the last second.

What I do is love her. I tell her that I love her. I support her when I can. I tell her she’s beautiful when I think she is (not at the prompting of others). I keep up with her interests. I don’t want to find out surprises from her next lover. In a word, I’m devoted.

What will work for you is to do something special. You should know your lover’s interests and that is the card you should play. Appreciate them for who they are.

Married people need to remember that they made a commitment.

We are to have and to hold until death do us part. We are there for each other for better and for worse, through sickness and health, and through prosperity and failure. We are there to love, honor, and cherish.

The one reason I think that divorce rates are so high is that we have forgotten the last one. It’s not “obey” – it’s “cherish”. When we cherish someone, we hold them special and put them in a place that should scare us a little.

Do you know what frightens me to my core? Knowing that some day either I or my wife will wake up next to a corpse. I never want to see that. I won’t survive it – emotionally. At the same time, I never want to be the source of my wife’s pain. Waking up to find your significant other’s end is a traumatizing experience.

I love my wife. I’ve made her “my most important thing”. I’ve been married to her for over a decade and a half. We’ve been through it all. And when she’s gone I miss her. She is the best thing I see when I get home and, somehow, I know her just being with me makes me a better person.

Valentines Day is one day. If the greeting card companies make a buck by reminding you to cherish your special person, it’s a buck well spent.