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Four Simple Things Most Men Want in a Relationship?

Updated on September 10, 2021
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Ian has experience in relationship and marriage counselling.

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Are men impossible to understand? You've probably heard women declare things like: “Men don’t know what they want. Despite being ‘the perfect wife’, he still flirts with his secretary!”

No matter what you want to believe, men know exactly what they want. They, therefore, have expectations beyond just good sex. When these expectations are not met, men start to behave in ways that puzzle women.

In this article, I will share what most men want in a relationship from a man's point of view. If you're a woman, remember these critical tips;

  1. You are seriously mistaken if you believe that an office secretary or housemaid is less of a woman than you are in a man’s eyes.
  2. Secondly, a big mistake is to assume that you are ‘a perfect wife’ - if such a thing exists anyway (At least men understand that there is no such thing as a perfect husband).

So what do men really want from a relationship?

The truth is that men are as complex as women when it comes to romantic relationships. (it's human nature). Society has however evolved to trivialize men’s needs to just good food, hot sex, and big egos, as depicted in the soap operas.

Girls grow up being taught that ‘the secret way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’ This is very misleading because once a girl learns how to prepare a delicious dinner, she sits back and assumes that she has learned how to be the all deserving perfect wife. That all she needs to do is be a superstar between the sheets, to make babies.

Unfortunately, there is more to what men actually want/need from a woman, than just great sex and a tasty dinner, as explained below;

1. Men want attention... not smothering

Men need lots of attention, especially from their women. Some women have learned this, but they, unfortunately, confuse attention with smothering. Men want attention, but when it’s excessive it becomes suffocating. Many women fail to discover this delicate balance. They thus end up with a confusing rebellious ‘immature’ husband.

Remember that, every man is unique, and therefore no particular strategy may universally apply. You need to understand your man and how much attention he needs, without feeling shackled.

Attention doesn’t mean inquiries about every detail of his life and whereabouts. Men are rarely good at divulging details when reporting life issues. If he is not ready to speak in as much detail as you require, let him be.

If he opens up about a distressing issue, do more listening than speaking. When you speak, be as reasonable as possible. Give him some time. Don’t force him to see things from your perspective. He’ll come around with time. Just being available to listen to him can be enough.

Pay attention when he speaks about the things he likes or enjoys doing and show interest in what he’s saying (Just like you’d want him to). Be present when he feels vulnerable, like when he feels insecure about his abilities or when something at work is bothering him.

Don’t assume that he’s a man and he can handle it on his own, even if he says he can. This is where most women get it wrong. Men will always declare that they can handle it – because they are men. But this is not always true. So what should you do? Let him know that you believe he can deal with it and stop nagging him with endless interrogation.

Avoid getting whinny and dramatic over it. Give him space and time to deal with it as you observe. As sure as day follows night, he will eventually consult you because he almost always needs your approval. This brings us to the next point:

2. He needs support and approval

Men need support from their women in almost all aspects of their lives. He needs to feel like he can count on you and that you're available and willing to share your opinion in his plans, his dressing, his friends, hobbies, the car he wants to buy, etc.

This doesn’t mean that he will always take your opinion or follow every word of your advice. So don’t expect this. In fact, to expect that he’ll always follow your opinion as ‘gospel truth’ is to be controlling.

He just needs your opinion to help his decision. Remember that like women, men are influenced by their peers, their family, their woman, and their personal desires.

So what do you do? Just be available and listen to him no matter how ridiculous (you think) he sounds. Then express your opinion and make it sound informed and reasonable rather than emotional. Wait for him to decide. Do not decide for him. Support his decision.

If it’s something unacceptable to you because of social factors or personal values, decline to participate, but don’t try so hard to stop him. If he fails at it, don’t rub it in his face. He already knows that you were right. He still needs you to be available to listen to his failure and offer a shoulder of empathy.

3. He wants an intelligent, independent woman

Most men aren’t looking for a dependant for a wife. They are looking for a capable intelligent partner with the ability to make reasonable developmental decisions.

Anything less will attract them to the office lady executives who exude intelligence and confidence. Avoid being too ignorant about current affairs or things to do with his work because you are always glued to the Telemundo channel. Try to have a career or something away from home that you do so well that it causes him to constantly admire how you pull it off. This will enrich your knowledge base and make you more resourceful when he needs you to be.

Don’t make a man your whole world. This will only cause you to be needy and you’ll start smothering him. He has a life away from you which includes work, friends, siblings, and hobbies. So should you.

However, do not get too self-absorbed, as this may diminish the amount of time you have to express your love. You must find time to do things together.

Do not treat him like a money-making machine because he’s not. Demonstrate a capability to be resourceful and independent. If you don’t agree with his approach to finances, show him that you can live without his money and that you can make smart decisions with yours. This is really attractive and inspiring.

4. He wants a wife, not a mother (he's not an overgrown baby)

He is human and therefore not perfect (just like you). You Must understand this if there is going to be harmony.

This is challenging because it calls for enduring patience. Do not question him about always leaving his coffee mug at the TV stand. If forgetting to close the kitchen door is extremely wrong when he does it three consecutive times, but acceptable when you do it once in a while, then you are being unfair to your relationship.

Adults like to be right. He’ll almost always have an excuse for not doing things as they should be done, but so will you. And like you, he will expect that you understand his reasons no matter how unreasonable they sound (to you). Constant reminders are for teenagers who need parenting. Adults in a relationship watch each other’s backs. Just like you clean after him, he endures and covers for you in your dramatic emotional downsides.

In conclusion, men know what they want; they simply aren’t good at expressing it. When they aren’t getting enough of it from you, they will be tempted to look elsewhere.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2017 Ian Batanda

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