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Women:God Helps When You are Tempted, Tempt,or in Love with A Married Man or Attached Men, Get a Strong Will! Here's How

Updated on November 21, 2011

She is the ‘Other Woman’. The mistress, coquette, harlot, the temptress in the red dress. There are other names she wears, but like Hester Prynne’s Scarlet ‘A’, too cruel to make mention of in public. Her beauty captivates and in her company men seem to feel strong, alive, and strangely at ease with themselves.

She wears the sweetest of smiles and knows the right things to say. She understands her place in this world is a hated but needful one. Born of desire and dreams, she finds comfort in the fact that she feels wanted. Her youth and femininity are her insurance policies. She must be careful to monitor them as closely as an investment broker tends to other men’s stock. Without them her future is sealed.

She knows her life is contemptible to others on the surface, but believes it is only because they do not understand. Her guilt is lessened by the fact that she feels only 50% of the blame. She is not in this alone. They are a team. The two of them, her and the man she loves, fighting back the inevitable end, the choice between her and ‘The Wife’ he claims not to love.

The race against time is always before her. The stove is hot and filled with fire and she knows sooner or later the pot a top the stove will boil over and the contents will spill out. Someone will tell the truth, someone will find out. She hopes they will yet hopes they never do. At least not until it is time. There are times she has called and hung up on ’The Wife’ a time or two and hoped the small hints of evidence left behind will cause ‘The Wife’ to question. Sometimes she has considered calling anonymously to tell ‘The Wife’ her secret in hopes of forcing the stove to heat just a little faster, cornering ‘The Wife’ into a decision that will set her man free. And then reality comes back to haunt her, the fantasy ends as she realizes the truth may be against her; he may always always always choose ‘The Wife’.

Her prayer, yes prayer is that she can hold out against hope for the day she will win the prize. Then she will be allowed out of the dark and into the light to take her place as ‘the wife’. That day they will all know their love was meant to be. It was pure and true all along. If only she can hold on a little while longer.

                      Please view the Video Clip, It speaks volumes to this issue!

“.....Ask yourself why does a man run around with a lot of girls? Because, well because he’s unhappy at home, because he’s lonely that’s why, but that was before you Fran, I’ve stopped running..."

(S. McClain, B.Wilder & I.Diamond, 1960)

  1. QUESTION ONE: How does someone become the “Other Woman”? Very few ever choose this course in life on purpose. These are the things that happen to some people as they make daily choices about who they are, and what they believe. Many are considered good people, capable workers, great friends, and even faithful church-goers. Their lives in other areas are exemplary. Although she may be a wonderful individual at heart, a handful of choices transforms her into a woman of questionable morality. Lack of self esteem, quick whirlwind sins that become more permanent over time, or slowly developed attachments by Internet, work partnerships etc… These situations are precursors to those already being carried away.
  2. QUESTION TWO: Why does she remain in this circumstance, Why not just STOP? This is the question that truly matters. This act is predicated on sin, but there are three powerful emotional & spiritual struggles taking place here:

◊The habit of LOVE

◊The spirit of Competition

◊Deep seeded Pride-fullness

  • The habit of love -[The Lust of the Flesh]: The feelings associated with the habit of love can actually be broken down into a series of chemical reactions which affect the brain; such as male and female hormones (testosterone and estrogen), Adrenaline ‘the rush’ factor, Dopamine, the ‘the feel good’ factor and Serotonin which influences mood. This is not an exhaustive list by any means. There are many other physical, emotional and spiritual influencers, but most important of all is freedom of ‘choice’. Senses and emotions are aroused here to fulfill the base and needful desires of the flesh , but choice is the real issue.
  • The spirit of competition- [The Lust of the Eyes]:The notion that men are more competitive than women is not always true. Jealousy and covetousness both influence the level of competition women feel. Rather than jockeying for a place on the team , some women jockey for a place in a man’s heart. The desire to be the final victor who wins the married man away from ‘The Wife’ is a shameful yet true example of competition. This is a covetous and jealous desire to possess what I see.
  • Deep seeded pride-fullness [The Pride of Life]: Pride is also an issue when it comes to staying in a questionable relationship. The following may seem contradictory: Lowered self-esteem allows the young woman to remain in the waiting game. She may feel humiliation but believe she does not deserve any better, unless she earns the right to boast. She may also have a higher tolerance for humiliation as she becomes used to accepting substandard treatment as normal, all while striving to receive the fleshy crown of a mans heart. Although it seems contradictory, It is definitely possible for a young woman to have low self-esteem in one sense, and also pridefulness in another. When she ignores the voice inside that says: “this is not who God created you to be” and at the same time choose to accept the voice that says "you deserve this man more than 'The Wife' does, if you hold on long enough you'll receive the desires of your heart" This is Vain human glory.


  • Be prepared for discomfort. It may hurt for a time. This type of love is like an addiction to those powerful chemical reactions. You will have to learn how to feel good without him. It can be done.

  • You are not alone, and your situation is actually not unique. What you are experiencing, other women have also gone through and made it out. "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man (1 Corinthians 10:13)

  • Remember Jesus was tempted too (Heb. 4:15) He knows the feeling of want. He suffered through pain just as you have, and He left an example for us to follow, a pathway out. LET’S LOOK AT HIS EXAMPLE FOR ANSWERS

Lust of the Flesh (Matt 4:3)

"But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeded out of the mouth of God"

A starving Jesus had just finished 40 days of fasting. He felt the gnawing pangs of hunger. You can imagine the weakened physical condition and the intense need to feed his physical hunger. The desires to fulfill the needs of His flesh were no different from our own...And then the temptation came. It would have been so easy to make this work, just change the stones into the bread He desired... Just this once...

  • PRAY: God, I pray for Your strength in my weakness and the guidance of Your Spirit. Where I chose to follow him, I will now choose to follow You. Help me hold fast to your hand Lord, I believe, please help my unbelief.

  • UNDERSTAND: I will open my eye wide and know the truth. As good as things feel at these times, and though my skin, heart, and mind craves this moment, I will look to the future. I cannot live by my cravings; I must remember the Word of God, I must listen to His call. I must crave His Word, as the deer in a dry place thirsts for the water, I shall crave His presence and peace, it shall sustain me.

  • DO: Surround yourself with like minded Christians, who will encourage you to walk worthy of His calling. Start a new exercise program (with your doctor’s advice), treat yourself well. Learn something new. Feel good with things that are good for you

Pride of Life (Matt 4:5-6) 

"…throw yourself down. For it is written: "He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone”. Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test."

Show me your worth. Prove that You are loved, if You are really the 'chosen one' then jump in with both feet. Cast yourself into it.... Make Him choose to recognize and rescue You... If You are who they say You are..

  • PRAY: Lord God, forgive me for my selfishness. Help me not to compromise by accepting counterfeit promises and lies as the truth. Strengthen my ‘inner man’ to withstand the temptation to bow down and gamble my birth right in exchange for glory in mans eyes.
  • UNDERSTAND: It is within God’s power to raise up a suitable husband for me. The lie of the enemy that tells me this is my last chance, quickly throw yourself off the cliff and test if God will save me or his family is a trick.
  • DO: Begin NOW working on making myself emotionally sound and ready for a real relationship if that is my heart’s desire for the future, while understanding this may not be a quick process. Begin NOW learning to enjoy my singleness while I am in this state, learning to be content and satisfied in all circumstances.

Lust of the Eye (Matt 4:8-9)

"All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me." Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only." Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

See all of this before You? It can be Yours. You do not have to wait, just make the choice to bow down to me, serve me and I will give You all you see...

  • PRAY: (Psalms 51) God forgive me coveting what I saw and the jealousy for what did not belong to me. Help me to quickly flee when tempted.

  • UNDERSTAND: Whether in this life which is racing by me or in the glorious Kingdom to come, there is more in store for me than anything the enemy can ever offer in exchange. My desire to want grandeur and importance in his eyes is misplaced attention.
  • DO: Give something of value. Seek to serve someone somewhere. Humble yourself by releasing the desire to be glorified in a man’s eyes. Seek to make someone else feel better. Volunteer in person or financially give to a ministry or charity in need. Be creative, draw, write, sing or use whatever talent you have and showcase it in church or the community – making certain to hand over every single part of that glory to God by reminding anyone who congratulates you "it is all for God".

Do You Know WHO She Is?

  • John 4:18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband....
  • Mark 14:3 While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

  • John 8:10-11 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” No one, sir,” she said.“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

There is hope. The Lord's example is a great one for us to follow. It shows that REAL temptation is more than a passing thought, but a call to act in a manner that will eventually hurt us.

His temptation was no small thing and it arrived at a time when He was in a terribly weakened state. He was tempted beyond what I can accurately explain. The offer to rule a glorious kingdom with no strings attached except to bow down? The possibility of entering into His kingdom WITHOUT the pain of the Cross? Just as the offer to possibly perform a coup on a marital relationship and rule it for yourself is before you. The truth is you should wait on God to supply the love and future marital relationship you desire.

Many people have been where you are. Many more will experience this in times to come; such is the way of the world. With a sincere desire to seek God, you will find your way out.

*** MANY WOMEN have been faced with moral issues, and many more are even counted in the lineage of Jesus Himself, it is possible to heal, grow and turn this around***

One Great blessing that can come from this is knowledge and experience. You can share this with other women who are hurting and hiding in the shadows.

I encourage you today... Pray, Believe, DO! You’re going to be just fine! Your help is on His way….


The Apartment,   produced by Billy Wilder, directed by Billy Wilder (AA), original screenplay by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond (AA). (1960)

The Apartment. (2009). In Encyclopædia Britannica . Retrieved September 30, 2009, from Encyclopædia Britannica Online:

Blue Letter Bible. "Gospel of Matthew 4 - (NKJV - New King James Version)." Blue Letter Bible. 1996-2009. 1 Oct 2009. < >


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    • profile image


      8 years ago

      It's so amazing that the very thing you need to hear (or read) comes at the exact moment you need to hear it! An awesome article and so extremely helpful to me right now. Kudos!

    • steffsings profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

      JC, thank you for your honest comments. I'm praying tonight for your freedom.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      i struggke with this and it means so much for someone to understand the pain i am going through and gives me encouraging words without judgement.

    • steffsings profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

      Crystal, thank you for writing. From the heart....I am glad this was something helpful to you. Steff. :-)

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Thank you for taking the time to write and share this. You have helped me. Thanks.

    • steffsings profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

      Thank you for your comments:

      Marygarrison - yes,I believe it is important to outline the symptoms but also provide a few humble suggestions to try as well. Thank you for noticing that.

      C.J. Wright - So true! Without 'Application' the Bible becomes nothing more than a good piece of literature with a lots of historical references.

    • profile image

      C.J. Wright 

      10 years ago

      WOW! An extremely well written HUB on an extremely difficult subject. Biblical principle is meaningless if not applied. This HUB is a road map!

    • steffsings profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

      thank you for your comments marrygarrison. I appreciate your thought and insights.

    • marygarrison profile image


      10 years ago

      I love the way you ended a difficult topic, with such a positive action plan!

    • steffsings profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

      Thank you for your comment. I agree, it is very 'productive' to look at the advice from the Bible as a guide for questions in life - including the temptation issues. Thanks again, dohn121!

    • dohn121 profile image


      10 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Thank you for sharing this with us, Steffsings. It's always a good idea to find a productive means to suppress the urges of temptation. You did well in interpreting the advice of the Bible.


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