When you need to apologize

I lit a candle, I have four loaves of bread rising, roast beef is roasting and filling the kitchen with a tantalizing smell and I have eaten a chocolate mint smoothie (or two). I really like all of these things and it's hard to be depressed when there is even one of these favourites present; but on this day, the compounded effort of all four did not alleviate my gloominess. The fact is, I owe my husband an apology and I don't want to apologize. I want to push the words out in such a way that it is apparent I am justified and he will see my point and HE will apologize.

Are there the right words to justify selfishness and moodiness? Honestly, there are reasons I feel the way I feel and if everyone would just cater to my whims and my moods it really would be so much easier to be cheery, but that isn't the way it works is it?

What are the verses I've been memorizing?

Romans 6:1, 2 What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin, how can we live in it any longer?

So there it is: a confrontation with the fact that I cannot twist and manipulate words to justify my sin. The fact is, as a follower of Christ, as a child of God, one made into a new creation, I cannot in any way justify my sin. Was I irritated? Yes. Did those around me make it difficult for me to feel kindness and good will toward them? YES! But I cannot keep on sinning - I have died to sin. How can I live in it any longer? I will sin and I do sin, but because I have died to sin, I feel no pleasure in my behaviour. It is living in a dead place. I know that there is no 'right' sin. It isn't OK for me to sin just because I was provoked. All I can do is confess my sin to God, apologize to those I have wronged and carry on by the grace of God.

In the evening, my husband arrives home and finds me less frosty. I am humbled and glad of it. I look him in the eye, smile and serve him tender roast beef and fresh baked bread.

This is so much better. Why would I chose to live in the cold, hard place; clinging to my pride, boldly proclaiming my 'right' to my feelings, trying to explain it all in such a way that my wrongs sound right? It is a lifeless way to live.

I press a kiss onto his cheek. I feel the slight stubble, and tease him about his lack of facial hair - this wee bit of stubble is the result of 3 days growth - he smiles back. We are a son and daughter of Christ. We will not hold onto our pride and our hurt, we will not live longer in our anger. We will forgive one another and move on together.

We have died to sin. How can we live in it any longer?