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Why Men Cheat

Updated on January 16, 2011

Men cheat. (Women cheat too, before you accuse me of being unfair.) The reasons vary from person to person and situation to situation, but there is often a common thread running through them. Believe it or not, these issues and the potential outcome are often obvious from the start of a relationship, but so many women believe that they can be the right woman if they really set their mind to it, that they delude themselves into thinking their relationship is more stable than it is. Not always -- but I've seen it happen enough to know that it's not a rarity. The following reasons men cheat are pretty standard and pretty direct. They are not meant to be excuses for cheating, but rather explanations for why men sometimes do.

1. He's insecure

Some men just don't feel like they're man enough for some women. They worry (more than most) about their skills in the bedroom, worry (more than most) about their financial status, worry about their appearance, etc. Some of the time they believe you're into them, but some of the time their worries get the better of them and they seek someone -- anyone, really -- who'll boost their self-esteem and make them feel worthy. It should be noted here that some men start out perfectly confident but start to have feelings of inadequacy as a result of an emotionally unstable relationship in which he's constantly belittled or emasculated. So, before you go slamming him for being insecure, make sure you're not the reason behind it.

2. He's changed

If your dull and boring (but steady) relationship suddenly changes when your dull and boring husband decides to start a rock band, gets popular and starts living life to the fullest, this is going to matter at some point. If he's changing his life for the better while you continue to lead a life of boredom, this could make him feel as though he's in a rut. When one man changes to the point he no longer feels compatible with his woman, he may seek out someone more attuned to his new self.

3. Loneliness

Do you have a long distance relationship? Do you spend a lot of time with your friends and not enough time (to his mind) with him? Guys need attention, and in some respects they actually need more of it than women. The kicker here is that they won't tell you this. Not directly. They'll argue with you about something stupid, or complain indirectly, but rarely will they have the nerve to openly confess to feeling lonely -- they'd likely rather be consoled by someone else than admit this to you.

4. You're not compatible in bed

You would be amazed by how many men cheat on their wives or girlfriends because they are not getting what they want in the bedroom. Yes, we've all heard about men cheating because they're not getting anything in the bedroom, but this is different -- some men (and women) have certain needs in the bedroom, and not everyone can deliver on this. If you're not compatible in the bedroom, it could very well result in him finding someone who is.

5. You're just too bitchy

Look, I'm female, so I know how this goes; some men bring out the worst in us and we turn into someone we'd really rather not be. Well, that alter-ego is someone he'd rather we not be, as well. If you constantly berate, scream at, nag, insult, emasculate (etc) your man, he's not going to feel very romantically inclined toward you. Eventually, if things don't improve, this man will wise up and find someone who doesn't treat him this way -- and he may find her before he's broken up with you.


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