- Gender and Relationships
Why Men Don't Call
“Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.”
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth To Understanding Guys
We Have All Been There
You meet a nice guy on girls night out or met up with someone on a dating website. You exchange numbers and he promises that he will give you a call soon. Then, he doesn't. Or, you just finish your first date with the cute guy you met at the coffee shop, he gives you a kiss and says he will call you tomorrow. Then, he doesn't.
What is up with these men? Is it something you did?
Why men choose not to call is often a great mystery, but here are some reasons they typically don't.
1. He was being polite.
To some men, even if they make eye contact with you, think it is their obligation to exchange numbers. They think their short conversation with you is the only reason they need, regardless if there was a connection established or not. Most men like this were never planning on calling and never will. You'll often notice these are the guys who never give you their number, give you a cute grin, and wink and walk away.
2. They are already attached.
These men are the real dirtbags of them all. Scoring numbers, whether at the bar, grocery store, coffee shop, on a business trip, or even online is almost a trophy to them. While doing this they could be dating a girl casually or even married for years. These guys are the most skilled at their smooth talking and will impress you with their fancy dress and vivid vocabulary. Men like this are usually inches away from actually calling you and stepping into affair, but they never will.
3. He lost it.
Although rare, some men truly do lose the number they scored from a woman. But, be aware that even though he lost it, that doesn't mean he would have used it in the first place. We all know in todays day in age if someone was really dying to find that number back there are various social media and search options to find it. This is a great excuse to some women on why a man didn't call. It makes us feel better about being rejected. If the guy lost your number, he probably wasn't too excited to call in the first place or he would have kept track of it.
4. He is nervous.
Not all guys are scum. Some, can be legitimately nervous about calling you. If this is the case he may wait a little longer to call or jump the gun and call or text right away. Or, in the unfortunate case he may completely chicken out and not call at all. In this situation don't be surprised if you see him popping up at a lot of the places you go or adding you as a friend on social media. He may be going for a casual run in so he can explain why he has not called.
1. He is conflicted.
He may be getting bad advice from his friends--telling him not to call right away or he will look desperate. Or, maybe no one in his group of friends has a girlfriend or wife. He may like you but he doesn't want to be tied down at the moment. He may want to save your number for nights when he's feeling lonely or has had too much to drink. Be aware. Beware.
2. He is playing hard to get.
This is one of the most frustrating, although effective, tactics that men do to women. These type of men will wait several days, weeks--even months to call you. And then, if they finally do they will make some excuse about, "how things have been so hectic", but they are glad you are in touch now. Or maybe even worse they will friend or add you on a social media platform and wait for you to make the move. Men like this have a huge ego and expect you to not be bothered by their lack of urgency.
3. You were too into him.
Sometimes ladies, without realizing it we are too into a guy--too quickly. He may have been into you initially, maybe he still is, but you probably scared him off. There is nothing wrong with sharing about yourself on the first date, but don't go into so much detail. Guys like a little mystery and if you are an open book right at first he may think you are desperate for a relationship and won't call.
4. You had sex with him.
I'm not saying this doesn't happen. Sparks fly on the first date and you end up sleeping with him. In fact, I have had various friends that started their long term relationships, even eventual marriage, this way. We are in a day where this is common and I'm not going to throw it back totally old school and say it's a complete no-no. But, be aware, some men will sleep with you on the first date and appear to be completely normal and into you....and then never call you. Simply because of what happened. If you really like this guy, it may be good to play it safe and wait until you know there is date number two.
If he doesn't call, there is some reason for it. Don't be embarrassed. Don't overreact. Don't call every friend and obsess over why he didn't call. Don't hunt him down on social media. Get your butt off the couch and go out and meet someone new. Someone out there will know how special you are and want to call right away.