- Gender and Relationships
Why Won't He Marry Me? Relationship Help
Some women lament because the guy they are dating won’t commit and they wonder why? She’s ready; why isn’t he? It could be a number of reasons.
This may sound simple but if you want to be with this man for the rest of your life you need to find out what he is thinking and if he is considering marriage at all or in the near future.
Communication is the most important part of marriage and if you don’t start now you’ll have problems from here on.
Ask him how he feels about marriage in general. Some have preconceptions about what it means to be married. He may be just fine with the way things are now and see no reason for marriage.
He may have come from a broken home.
Men who were raised in a divorced or tumultuous atmosphere may see marriage as a bad thing. He doesn’t see beyond his own experience and realize there are people who are happily married.
He may never change his mind but showing him content relationships helps. You don’t have to list a lot of people you know who are doing well, he’ll learn more by seeing it for himself. Try to set up double dates with happily married couples you know letting him see examples.
Maybe you are making it too easy for him.
You’ve heard the old saying, “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” The wording is a bit harsh but it has a lot of truth to it.
You have to put yourself in his shoes for a minute. What will he gain by marrying you? In his mind he already has you so proposing isn’t going to change his situation.
Don’t put him under pressure.
Constantly hinting or asking him about marriage isn’t going to work. Some women do get a proposal from nagging or trickery but those marriages are never happy and seldom last. You want a good healthy marriage based on trust, love and understanding.
He’s a player
Even though he currently appears to be faithful and you see no signs of cheating: he’s still looking. You may not be everything on his ideal woman list so he doesn’t want to sign any papers until he is sure there isn’t a better deal out there somewhere.
Some men are slow to grow up and think they are too young to settle down even if he is in his 30’s. He might keep putting it off thinking he’ll prolong his youth, “I’ll settle down when I’m 35.” Thirty-five comes and goes and he pushes the age to 40 then one day he realizes all his friends are married and he’s all alone. Married guys seldom hang out with single fellows so his friends start to dwindle.
Allergic to commitment of any kind.
If he has trouble making long-standing agreements with other people and not just you, he could have issues with commitment.
These guys don’t want to buy a house and only rent vehicles so they can change their mind if they feel like it. He may change jobs often or have trouble making up his mind.
Of course this is a worst-case scenario but if you notice these types of signs in other aspects of his life it might be why he doesn’t want to go the next step in your relationship.
You aren’t what he had in mind.
This is not to say there is anything wrong with you but men all have an idea of the type woman they think would make the perfect wife and no two models are the same, lucky for us. Their mother and grandmothers help form his ideal woman but that doesn’t mean they necessarily want a woman just like dear old mom. Some look for the exact opposite so don’t try to be a cookie cutter of his mom. It’s best to be yourself and find a man that likes you just the way you are.
These are just hypothetical reasons some men don’t commit and in no way meant to reflect your personal situation.
Perhaps he wants children and you are past childbearing years or too ambitious in your career giving him pause to whether you’d be a good mother to his future offspring. Or maybe he doesn’t want children at all and you’ve talked about having them.
Maybe you aren’t quite what he’s envisioned in his mind as his future bride. Most men have a specific look they want. They don’t all get it but some will hold out trying anyway.
As well as looks, guys have specific attributes they want in a wife and they aren’t all the same. Maybe he wants a better cook, better lover or better housekeeper. If he points out your flaws often you can guarantee those are on his list of things he expects a wife to be good at.
His family doesn't approve.
If his mom or dad don't think you are a perfect match it can cause friction. Remember, you don't just marry a man, you marry his whole family so if you don't get along with his mother or she doesn't think you are right for her son that could be the problem. His parents might be nice and cordial when you visit but you need to find out what they really think about your union. They might think you are okay as a person but just not the right fit in their family.
Maybe it’s time to walk away.
If you’ve given him a reasonable amount of time to propose, you’ve talked to him about your future together and he still shows no signs of moving forward it might be time to look elsewhere.
Some men don’t realize what they have until it’s gone. Many fellows have thought the grass might be greener in other pastures so they kept their options open “just in case” but took too long and Miss Right got tired of waiting.
Not until she marries another man does our fellow realize what he lost. Some lament for years but it’s too late.
- Why Should You Get Married?
There are many very good reasons to get married and I thought I’d mention a few.