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Why am I single: Reasons why you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend

Updated on April 25, 2013

Why am I still single? Why don't I have a boyfriend? Why can't I get a girlfriend? Will I be single and alone forever? How do all my friends have girlfriends and boyfriends while I am still alone? Stop getting frustrated and identify the real reason why you are still single. Work on that reason and push yourself back in the dating scene to find loving girlfriend or boyfriend.

Do you get shy and nervous when you talk with a guy or a girl?
Do you get shy and nervous when you talk with a guy or a girl? | Source

1) Feeling nervous when talking to a guy or girl: You can't approach men or women

The reason why you are still single could be lying in the innocent fact that you feel nervous while talking to a person of the opposite sex. This makes it awkward for you talk to guys or girls on the phone. It can also make it difficult for you to approach someone at a party or a gathering.

Getting rid of your fear of approaching people is the only way you will be able to bond with someone and get back on the dating scene.

2) In and out of many relationships: Your image as a womanizer or a lose woman

Your image as a womanizer or a loose woman can be the reason why you are still single. This can typically be the case for a guy who has dated too many women in the past or a girl who is been involved with many men.

You can try to hide the baggage of your past relationship but you will have to reveal it to a date sooner or later. This can be a reason why people suddenly find themselves averse to dating you or enter into a meaningless short term relationship with you.

3) Lack of care for personal hygiene: You don't groom yourself to look attractive

You must practice good personal hygiene if you want to look attractive. Personal grooming includes body hair, oral hygiene, hairstyles and overall cleanliness among many other aspects of your body image.

Men should trim excess body hair, have a bath every day, wear a smart hairstyle and smell nice. Personal hygiene should be the top priority even if you are the kind of guy who likes to look scruffy.

Women should remove all types of unwanted body hair. If the thought of making frequent trips to the salon for hair removal is making you anxious, get rid of body hair at home by shaving your legs, using an epilator or learning how to wax yourself without creating a mess at home.

4) Heartbreak has made you afraid of getting into a relationship: You dates don't go to the next level

You could be single because you are unable to trust anyone after your heart was broken in your previous relationship. Typical situations that give rise to such a fear are when a girl gets dumped, guy cheats on his girlfriend, girl leaves her boyfriend for another guy or when a woman finds out that her man is dating another girl behind her back.

The suffering from the sadness of heartbreak could have been extremely emotionally traumatic to the point that your sub-consciousness does not allow you to fall in love and trust anyone again. You don't find it hard to go on a date with a girl or a guy but you find it impossible to develop any sort of feelings for that person.

Getting over heartbreak and moving on with your life is difficult but it is necessary if you want to stop being single and enjoy the company of someone who truly cares for you.

Give up your bad habits and give fitness top priority to get back in shape to become healthy and attractive again.
Give up your bad habits and give fitness top priority to get back in shape to become healthy and attractive again.

5) Neglecting your body and making yourself unattractive

Why am I still single – the answer to this question could be lying right in front of you in the mirror. Lack of exercise combined with a poor diet can make your body unflattering and unattractive. You may not be realizing the urgency of the situation because you look at yourself in the mirror every day.

The easiest way to find out if your complete neglect for your health is the reason why you are still single, compare your recent picture with another taken at least twelve months back. Have you drastically put on weight? Have you become too skinny? Have you suddenly got a double chin? Are your clothes fitting weirdly? Look into the mirror and find answers to these questions.

Exercising and getting back in shape is the only way to solve this problem. Find out how you can find time to exercise in a busy schedule or how you can exercise without getting bored. Burn those calories away or pack up a few healthy muscles to start looking healthy, sexy and attractive again.

6) Spending too much time indoors at home: You don't meet new people

Spending too much time at home is often a common reason why many men and women remain single. You will never meet new people or open your life to new possibilities if you pass time at home watching TV, play video games or surf the internet aimlessly all day long.

Meet your friends, hang out at the library, go to the shops, take up a hobby class, visit galleries or simply read a book at a cozy downtown cafe. Getting outside the house will open up your life to exciting possibilities of meeting interesting people, making new friends or meeting your future lover.

7) Extreme personality type: Following an alternative lifestyle could be why you are still single

You could be single because of an extreme personality type. People could be distancing themselves from you because you associate your image with a subculture. People may be getting repelled by extreme display of an alternate lifestyle.

This is a personal choice and you will eventually have to decide whether you want to stay within the subculture and look for potential partners within the niche or you want to step into the mainstream and broaden your dating horizon.

8) Issues with committing in a relationship: You are afraid of commitment

Commitment phobia in men and women is a classic reason why some people are averse to meaningful and romantic relationships. Lack of trust, immature attitude, fear of being exclusive to one person and bitter past experiences are some of the common reason why people don't like to commit.

Direct and visible aversion to commitment can be a reason why you are still single. Your date can be instantly turned off if you say that you don't see yourself getting into a long term relationship in the future.

Your love life could have taken a hit if your ex has said bad things about you to everyone in school or college. Don't worry, this will just be a temporary setback.
Your love life could have taken a hit if your ex has said bad things about you to everyone in school or college. Don't worry, this will just be a temporary setback.

9) Ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend has said bad things about you

This can typically be a situation when you are in school or in college. For example, a guy may be unable to get a date just because his ex-girlfriend said nasty things about him to all the other girls in class. A girl may be approached by guys with the intentions of having just a fling because her ex-boyfriend said bad things about her on the college campus.

Don't be disheartened if you find yourself in a similar situation. Your life is not over just because all the girls in your college hate you or all the guys in your school think nothing more of you than a one night stand. Surround yourself with the people who love you and just move on.

10) Being social anxious: You identify yourself as being a loner

Social anxiety and the aversion to interaction with many people can be a direct reason why you are single. People who are socially anxious tend to avoid going to parties and gatherings. They also avoid interacting with too many people at once.

Getting rid of social anxiety will give you a chance to interact and mingle with other people. You don't necessarily need to be the heart of a party to have a romantic relationship. You can take small steps towards being social by hanging out with two or three close friends in the beginning. As you feel comfortable, ask them to introduce you to someone who is single.

11) Lack of consistency in personality: You always try to be someone else

A lack of consistency in personality is often the case with people who are always trying to be someone else, hoping that they will be able to impress a girl or a guy. This backfires when the first few rosy dates are over and people get to know each other in a better way.

Stop yourself if you are trying to be someone else. You will continue to remain single and alone if you think that acting differently from your natural personality will help you in your love life. A guy or a girl will easily see through the facade after the second or third date.

12) Dating the wrong men or women: You don't date the right people for you

Being stuck in the trap of dating men or women with opposite personality types could be the reason why you are still single. For example, an introvert guy may fancy dating a fun loving extrovert girl but that may not be possible in reality. An introvert girl could be fantasizing about dating a wild alpha male but she may find herself nursing a broken heart after the first few dates.

Don't try to force yourself to fall in love with someone who you can't relate to. A man and a woman in a healthy relationship don't necessarily need to have the same choices, but their relationship is based on a common ground from the start.


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    • limpet profile image

      Ian Stuart Robertson 

      2 years ago from London England

      I've come to the conclusion that without a Lady in my life, i just simply have to come to terms with the fact of being celibate. Over the years i've had some very hurtful things said to me by girls, the worst being 'How does it feel to be a loser?'

    • limpet profile image

      Ian Stuart Robertson 

      3 years ago from London England

      Oh! Here we go again. Another day without feminine company and i am wondering 'just what is all this for?'.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      7 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Traditional reasons are so true as well, like if a guy is dominant an he wants a woman to be traditional and she is the modern one that can be a problem. I agree with your points here.


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