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The Main Reason Why You're stuck on your ex: Why can't I get over my ex?

Updated on June 14, 2018
True Love
True Love | Source

Break-ups: Never easy when deep feelings are involved

It's a no-brainer that the deeper your feelings for someone go, the harder it will inevitably be if things don't work out or you break up for any reason

Similarly, the duration of your relationship (and linked to it the seriousness) also play a role in the depth of the feelings involved and the resulting hard break in an ending.

Another major contributor is the timing of your relationship:

  • Was he / she your first love?
  • Was he / she your "high school sweetheart"?
  • Was he or she your longest relationship?

These things all set your ex apart from the rest and make it harder for you to let go often resulting in the feeling and sentiments of -

He / She was "THE ONE"... or "He / she is my SOUL MATE"

Letting go of your ex
Letting go of your ex

Does "The One" Exist?

I think that this is more of a logical question to think about LOGICALLY.

According to statistics taken from WorldOMeters,

  • There are about 7,455,595,280 people in the world.
  • Approximately 361,263, 780 people in Northern America,
  • And 324,758,680 people in the USA.

Looking at another Continent and country:

  • There are about 7,455,595,280 people in the world.
  • Approximately 63,432,561 people in Southern Africa,
  • And 55,112, 344 people in the RSA (South Africa).

With this being stated, what are the chances that there is ONLY ONE person out there for you?

I think it actually seems more likely that there are MORE people out there BETTER suited for you then your Ex was!

That should put an end to the "The One" theory straight away.

Why can't I move on from my ex then?

The simple answer to this question is -


You are holding onto your ex whether sub-consciously or knowingly and refusing to let him / her go.

You are telling yourself:

  • They were the one
  • You can't do any better
  • You need them
  • You were made for each other
  • They were perfect

You are indirectly holding onto them so tightly that you are making it impossible for them to move out of your life and for you to go on without them.

You can't move forward from your ex because YOU REFUSE TO LET THEM GO!

Husband and Wife Holding Hands
Husband and Wife Holding Hands | Source

He / My Ex Was Perfect!!!

Perfection does not exist. NO-ONE is perfect.

That alone should prove to you the flaws or invalidity of this statement.

The truth is, (and there's a quick and easy way to prove it) the more time passes after the break-up or since the last time you saw or spoke to your ex, the more "perfect" they are likely to become in your mind!

This can actually be demonstrated by the saying:

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

This saying can't only be used to explain the feeling of missing someone when you don't see them that often or that much due to the distance BUT can also describe their absence from your life which in some weird way often results in a fake faultlessness of them.

I have seen this from my own past relationships where as time passes you seem to forget the bad and fixate on the good of the person. You forget some (if not all) of their flaws and think of the good:

  • The good times you spent together
  • The good things they did.
  • The sweet things they said.

Even if these were far fewer than the bad, for some reason your head picks out the good making you miss your ex EVEN MORE and making it a hundred times harder to move on.

Like I said, there is a quick way to snap out of it.

  1. Have a look through your inbox (social media, emails, IM, text, etc.)
  2. Search for ALL your messages or texts from your ex.
  3. You are going to delete these (if you haven't already) but first you need to read through ALL of them.
  4. If you were a couple like most couples you should have at least a few texts or emails where you and your ex may have had a disagreement or he / she said something mean.
  5. Read through your messages carefully and you will see that your partner was not "perfect".

Unfortunately if you don't have any of these you will have to try and dig back into your own memory honestly. Or chat to a close friend or relative who may be able to help by reminding you of some of the things.

The aim of this is to try and get you to remember some of the bad. Sometimes even focusing solely on the bad will help you move on a little more swiftly. Sometimes it's the only way to beat the false idea we get about our ex's perfections.

Try and remember the things you disliked about your ex.

How long did it take for you to fully let go of your ex?

See results

You write your own story

It took me a while to realize that I was the author of my own life book.

I dictated my feelings, my thoughts, my pain and my misery.

The story's I told myself surrounding my situation, my circumstances or my future influenced how each one of those things played out!

The more you tell yourself that you are a victim - the more you will feel like one and live like one.

The more you tell yourself that you will never find anyone as good for you as your ex - the more you condemn yourself to a lonely reality where your attitude, thoughts and feelings block other great people from entering your life.

The video in this article explains it all perfectly!!!

You write your story and you can re-write it. Change how you think and what you keep telling yourself even on a subconscious level and you will change your life.

You deserve better so write a better story for yourself and choose to Let your ex go!

Step by Step - How to Let go

It really is a choice

As clear-cut as it may be, you are making the choice to imprison yourself in a reality where you are stuck on your ex and pining over him / her. Maybe even waiting for him / her to come back or hoping that they will.

The truth is, depending on how long you've been waiting and hoping and on your circumstances (I'm assuming you wouldn't be wanting to move on if you didn't in some way feel like you needed to or had reason to), you are stuck waiting and depressing yourself while your ex is moving on with his / her life and being happy.

You are making yourself miserable while he / she is enjoying life.

You alone can make the decision to let go!


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      Excellent article!

      As you noted people can't get over their ex because they don't want to.

      One has to "let go" in order to "move on".

      I also completely agree with you that with over 7 Billion people on the planet odds are there are thousands if not millions of people who would make an ideal mate for each of us. Whatever list of traits you have for an "ideal mate" I'm certain there is more than (one person) with those!

      He / She was "THE ONE"... or "He / she is my SOUL MATE"

      In order for him/her to be "the one" they would have to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least "the one" is someone who actually wants to be with you!

      Lastly people have a knack for "romanticizing the past". They have "selective memory" when it comes to their failed relationship. They only remember the fun/cute/good times they had. If it was so perfect you'd still be together!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone doesn't want to be with you or they betrayed you they clearly didn't think you were all that "special". Now that's a reality check!


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