- Gender and Relationships»
Why do most marriages fail?
Let us start with the basic definition. What is marriage? A marriage is the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife. According to Wikipedia, ‘Marriage is a social union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.’
The definition varies in different cultures based on the cultural difference, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate, are acknowledged. Marriages are made in a hope to last for life. Unfortunately, this does not happen in most of the cases and divorce is the outcome after a certain period of time. There are various reason behind this breakup and this article is a small effort to list some of them down, if not all, just to help those who are planning to enter into this relationship so that they are well aware of the responsibilities it has in it.
The very first reason that people break up is that they lie to each other at the very start. Before marriage, when a couple starts to meet each other and develop love among themselves, they both try to pose the best of their selves. In a way, they are hiding their true self because they are afraid that the relation would not last longer if they expose their true self. Love is said to be blind and this is the stage when it works that way. They live in a fantasy world at this stage and expect that things would be similar to what is now and what they see in the movies. When things go well and they get married, each of them is now relaxed. Gradually both of them come out of their covers and are discouraged to see the true picture of the other. In some cases, it could be only one of the partners but mostly they both are involved. As a result, differences start to appear in their personalities, likes, dislikes and other routines. They both feel that their marriage was a mismatch. This eventually ends up in divorce.
Another reason for the breakup is lack of knowledge and training to get ready for the married life. They do not take any pre-marital classes or counselling to judge how it would be after they are married. When the responsibilities arise after the marriage, they tend to avoid and put it on the partners instead of accepting it themselves. The ultimate result is a breakup.
Too much intimacy before getting married also spoils the whole attraction about the marriage. When they have already gone all the way and have made love to each other before that lawful bond, it proves discouraging for them when they do not find anything interesting or attractive after the marriage. Both are disappointed and the result is a breakup.
Marriage requires sacrifice, patience and understanding partner’s emotional needs. When couples fail to sacrifice and only expect it from the other and not doing it themselves, things go out of control and living together becomes a hell.
Lack of communication is also one factor that contributes to breakups. When a partner feels something about the other but does not express it, things keep piling up in the mind and misunderstandings develop between them. Things are not the way they start to take them by their own assumptions. This leads to a mishap.
Sometimes the partners are not mature enough to decide whether it is the right time for marriage or they still need to wait. They unite just for physical pleasure and nothing spiritual is involved. They fail to realize that marriage is a union, a commitment and a full time job. Both need to participate equally with love, affection, sacrifice and sincerity to establish and strengthen this relationship. It needs to gradually develop into a lifelong friendship where heart and soul meet each other. It needs some time to develop this relationship. In this busy world, people are not ready to spare that amount of time and that results in a collapse.
I have also seen some breakups where other relatives particularly mother in laws play a much bigger role. When both partners start listening to others how they should spend their lives, instead of listening to each other that is the start of a gap between them. Some people are jealous and cannot see others happy. They always ill-advise. If the partners follow those ‘words of advice’, they are bound to fail in their relationship.
Marriage is like a two-wheeled vehicle where both wheels are important and contribute equally for a smooth and regular run. Here are some tips that would definitely be helpful whenever there is a difference of opinion between the two partners.
- Never decide anything in anger. Anger is the worst enemy of wisdom. We cannot decide right when we are filled with wrath.
- Always listen to your partner on an issue. A decision should never be one sided.
- If one partner is in bad mode, the other one should keep silent. If the other would start in the same tone, things would be worse. That matter should be discussed later when both are calm.
- Never believe in others if they say something bad about your partner. Always discuss it with your partner before reaching any conclusion.
- Do not expect sacrifice from your partner without you doing it. It is bound to be from both sides.
- Always spare some time for your partner from your daily routine.
- Express your love to each other through different means. Exchange of gifts could be one option. It has a very positive effect on this relationship.
- Always praise your partner even for doing small good things. It always helps to strengthen the relationship.
- Accept the fact that this is a weak world. No one is perfect. If you see one shortcoming in your partner, you would have two. Do not look for negatives, always find positives and acknowledge them before the partner.
I hope this article would benefit the readers in understanding the topic.