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Why i am a virgin

Updated on September 1, 2015
Enrique Iglesias - A male celebrity who didn't give up his virginity until reaching adulthood.
Enrique Iglesias - A male celebrity who didn't give up his virginity until reaching adulthood.

I am a 21-year old virgin. I have never had a sexual experience in my whole life. In our society, virgins are widely stigmatized as losers. Virginity is widely frowned upon. It is a label meant to be lost later in life. Our society says that if your a virgin, don't expect many women to have sex with you. It is ridiculed in the media and by many people. There's this idea that virgins are nothing more than sexually incompetent losers with low self esteem in need of getting laid.

I will admit that i've faced insecurity over my virginity. I've fantasized about sex but could never bring myself to do it. Very rarely have i established full intimacy with another woman. Although it was in one of my deepest desires. Ever since my teen years, i've faced discrimination and ridicule for being a virgin. Now, i've learned to disregard such attacks. People simply misunderstand my reasons for being a virgin and it's not because i have trouble getting laid, it's because i choose not to. Why? For several reasons:

Because i'm too busy..

I'm too busy to invest in any relationship right now. I'm too busy to worry about what people think of me. I'm too busy working on myself and exploring my life. I'm too busy learning more about who i am as a person with strengths and weaknesses. I am just too busy to stick my penis in a girl's vagina. There's so many things to do in my life. I have responsibilities i need to take care of. I have friends that i need to talk to and help. There's room for improvement as an employee. There's room for improvement as a son. There's room for improvement as an individual. I want the best for my life and those closest to me. I want to explore my hobbies and push myself harder. That cannot be done when i'm having sex at the wrong place in the wrong time.

Because sex doesn't equal maturity..

I've asked several people "How was your life before you had sex and what changed?" Most basically said "It didn't change at all.." Truthfully, anyone can have sex. I don't need a long term relationship. I can go to a strip club and bribe a stripper for sex. I can go on Craigslist and find casual flings. I can even meet my favorite porn actresses, show that i'm a die-hard fan, and sleep with them for free (Yes, porn stars will do that). There's plenty of thirsty women who would be more than happy to engage in a sexual encounter. What would i gain? Only a momentarily physical pleasure. Sex won't help me grow as an individual. It won't help me pay the bills. It won't make me any wiser or mature than the next person. It won't resolve all of my emotional problems. It won't change who i am as a person. It won't make me any more or less of a person. Sex takes no skill to achieve when that's your main focus. Sex is nothing more than a biological function that's been used since the dawn of time.

There are plenty of people who have sex and i'm friends with some. Despite their relationships and sex lives, i can tell that they're not satisfied with their lives. They're still the same people going through the same struggles. These are people who've had unplanned pregnancies in their teen years and regret having sex. They're still the same people dabbling in their insecurities, wondering "Why can't any of my relationships work? Why did i have to make such a stupid mistake? Why can't my life be better?" These are the same people who still haven't grown up since high school. Having sex countless times won't make you an expert. It just means that you had sex. When you keep pursuing the wrong type of people, the wrong choices, selfish desires, and immature love - You keep repeating the same patterns of behavior. You won't grow no matter how many sexual partners you had in the past.

Sex doesn't make you mature. Maturity begins when you challenge yourself. When you stop and think "What am i doing wrong? How can i improve?" When you strive to be a better person with your actions and words. Mature people always find ways to develop in their emotional, mental, physical, psychological, financial, and spiritual well being. Mature people are committed to themselves and then to others. Why am i going to invest my life in another person when i can barely invest in myself?

Because love is more important to me..

There are sexist views that men are completely consumed by sex and have many partners. If your a virgin then expect women to refuse to sleep with you. This is obviously false. I've had girls who value love more than experience. They respect virgins because they were raised in a religious environment. They would have sex with me even if it's until marriage. I choose to stay a virgin because i put a high value on myself. I won't have sex with just anyone. I am looking for a long term relationship with someone who values honesty, compassion, humility, patience, and loves me. The purpose of sex is simply to enhance intimacy and love but it's only a small part of life. Love takes time to build and learn. Mature love requires selfless commitment and lasts a life time.

Because i can..

I don't need others to evaluate who i am. Only the weak give into peer pressure. Only the weak believe that just because they're different than 90% of America's population - that makes them inferior. Only the weak let the opinions of others strip them away of their identity. A virgin is not a weak person. Someone who stands their ground and influences themselves builds character. Someone who relies on their own judgement partakes in wisdom. Someone who prioritizes their life around what truly matters in the workforce, school, streets, and other areas is doing far more than what many are in the bedroom. Someone who is devoted to themselves with the confidence to make wise choices especially in terms of sex is strong.

I am worth much more than my virginity. I am a poet, a writer, a blogger, a rapper, an employer, a musician, a creative and inspirational individual. I am a lovable person who does many things for the world. I'm known for far more than a mere label called virginity that isn't even clearly defined by scientific terms. Why should i care what others think? So i can finally be accepted into their group? So i can finally "be a man" in their eyes? If that's the case then i'd rather not associate with those people. I refuse to be apart of arrogant prejudiced bigot who close their minds to diversity.

Just because i'm a virgin doesn't mean i'll stay that way forever. I'm content with where i am as i learn what i value and want in life. I'm patiently striving hard to be successful in the here and now. I'm on a journey to discover my life's purpose, the source of my joy, my passions, the strength of my love, and so much more. Sex can only be appreciated when i have reached my greatest ambitions and desires as i share them with another person. I will lose my virginity in my own time and in my own way. In the meanwhile, i simply choose to experience the freedom of being single and committed to the choices i make.

Are you comfortable being a virgin?

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    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 23 months ago from The Caribbean

      Congratulations on your courage to stand up for what you believe! Better to keep it, than lose it and have regrets. Best to you,going forward!

    • Happy Moment profile image

      James 23 months ago from The Eastern Bypass

      Being a virgin at 21 years is not an abnormality.It does not make you an inferior being.It should raise your self esteem.Good article

    • IsaiasPablo90 profile image

      IsaiasPablo90 23 months ago

      Very true i just wish more people would understand that. Virginity is something to be cherished and kept as a high honor. It represents alot more than just the fact that you didn't have sex.

    • kashieca profile image

      kashieca 24 months ago

      There's no problem with it. Love should be greater than your lust for each other. The women in my culture, they taught there virginity is a jewel and for me, virginity is the greatest gift to your future husband/wife.