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Why Do We Fall In love With A Wrong Person?

Updated on July 21, 2020
Mary Zaff profile image

Mary is a professional accountant, writer and a passionate learner about the life in general.

How To Know Who To Love?

We often hear about stories of people falling in love and doing crazy stuff for each other. We idealize celebrities that get married after a long romance and want our love life to match theirs. But we never interested in knowing that what are the things that make them fall in love or to stay in love. Therefore, it is extremely important to know that why do we fall in love? what are the circumstances that make us fall in love with the other person? In this article, I have grabbed some interesting facts about love and relationships.

Why Do We Fall In Love?

I believe that we humans are social animal and therefore we often fall in love, when we are lonely or insecure about our future. Therefore, we seek ways to find someone that can offer us a shoulder to cry on or can give us comfort when we need it. However, when we fall in love, we just put all our effort in giving comfort to our partners or try hard to make them happy as we don't want to feel alone again. When we see a couple celebrating their occasion or getting cozy with each other, we just forget all the standards that we have previously set for our partner. We often start finding partner or in some cases start contacting our ex. As, we want to show the world that we are no longer alone, that we have someone that can match the happiness of our so called "happy couple" status. A few days ago, my aunt said a very interesting thing about the term "Happily Married". She said that either you are happy or married as you can't be both. Even though, it seems right or close to the reality but there is so much negativity attached to her statement. Like, we are never going to achieve the status of "happily married" or cannot find happiness from our relationship. I believe we can if we fall in love with a right person but we need to know who is the right person?

Who Is The Right Person?

There is no clear definition of right or wrong, as your right might be wrong for the other person and vice versa. However, there are certain things that cannot be stated wrong for instance, being empathetic or loving towards someone cannot be regarded as wrong. But being empathetic towards someone who is not treating you right will be wrong. I believe that the early stage of your relationship tells a lot about the true nature of the other person. As in the beginning of our relationship, we tend to be more skeptical as compared to the later stages of our relationship where we just let go of things that might offended us before. Therefore, I will suggest that in the early stage of your relationship, don't ignore the red flags, don't ignore your gut feelings and keep your standards high. A right person will do all the right things for you in all the stages of relationship. Letting go of each other mistakes is good but forgiving someone for the same mistakes is wrong. Therefore, it is important to understand that compromising on your standards will hurt you and you alone.

How To Fall Out In Love

Nothing is easy in this life, life is not fair and so do people. Therefore, I believe that give priority to yourself first, Think about your requirements or needs and then think about his or hers. We often stuck in a bad relationship, when we give priority to someone who is not even giving anything to us in return. I know that falling in love is easy but falling out is hard, as it requires effort, energy and can cause emotional distress. But being stuck in a bad relationship requires tonnes of these things. It takes all but gives nothing. Being alone is scary and sad, but we need to believe that there is reward for those who remain patient and have firm belief on the divine plan. As the good will come to those who do good to others. So keep on doing the right things and wiping off the bad things from your life. As, it is the only thing that will take you to the one that truly deserves you.

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© 2020 Mary Zaff


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      12 months ago from Chicago

      Why Do We Fall In love With A Wrong Person?

      1. We have yet to figure out who we are let alone know what traits we want and need in a mate for life. This is especially true during our youth whereby we let "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" dictate our relationship choices.

      Our teenage and early 20s are a period of discovery and learning. Very few people find their "soulmate" at age 18 and spend the next 60-70 years living happily ever after.

      Essentially most relationships we have during our youth are "practice relationships". With each failed relationship, betrayal, and heartache we are presented with an opportunity to craft or refine our mate selection/screening process and "must haves list" for our next mate.

      When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time up at bat. If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      2. Some people are intrigued by their complete opposite. However it's been said: Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys! Nevertheless some people choose to date those who have a different outlook on life because they find them to be "interesting". In some instances we admire people for having traits we ourselves do not have. While it's almost a cliché to hear: "Nice guys finish last." No one has ever heard of the {lonely} narcissist, bad boy, jerk, a-hole, gangster, or player. Is that a coincidence? No! Some people love to date those who challenge them or make them have to (earn) their attention and affection.

      "'Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us" -Ellen Hopkins

      It's been said men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears. However with age comes wisdom. Men learn that everything that glitters is not gold and women learn actions speak louder than words.

      At some point heartache causes us to change our dating type.

      3. A "deal breaker" was committed. Most deal breakers are unforeseen spontaneous events which catch a person off guard. Your mate suddenly becomes verbally/physically abusive or you discover they are cheating. Anyone with an ounce of self-esteem is going to have boundaries and "deal breakers" whereby if certain things happen they are going to walk away from the relationship.

      4. Fell out of love/stopped wanting the same things. Overtime we're either "growing together" or "growing apart". Communication is the GPS for relationships and it lets us know which direction we are heading in. Relationships are like gardens; if you nurture them they thrive and if you neglect them they die.


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