- Gender and Relationships
In My 25 Years In This Planet, This Is How I View Relationships
I Was Thinking About That The Other Day...
Hmm...Let Me Think
These Are My Experiences So Far...
First off, I would like to say that the premise of a relationship is more than one individual. It is about two people forming into one physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. It is a bond-filled experience between two people. All forms of selfish actions and thoughts (i.e infidelity, ego-trips, treating your mate as a possession rather than a person, not considering that person's feelings, unrealistic expectations) goes aside to keep the union strong. With all that being said, here are my views!
What Goes On In Your Relationships/Dating Life Is Your Business!
Believe it or not, I am very private when it comes to that area in my life because of this reason. What I am implying is that people who are in my life (or outside of my life) should stay out of my relationship. After all, they themselves are not in that relationship like I am nor are aware of how I am in a relationship/dating world. I do not like it when I receive unsolicited advice about my relationship/dating life. Nor do I like people be so involved that they lose their marbles and acting like they are watching another episode of As The World Turns starring Shayna! I do not mind some feedback or advice when asked or discussed by myself and I do take it into consideration. However, it is up to me to make that decision.
Another factor is that people who are on the outside may not have the best intentions and would do ANYTHING to destroy that relationship. As soon as the nosey police (also known as the gossipers, the naysayers) comes and sees a little loophole, they zoom in so hard and create a scene with their green and white sirens (because they are green with envy!) and accuse! The immediate results are lies, deception and utter confusion. Which leads me to communication and trust issues, and I will discuss shortly. Another common sense factor is to not discuss your sex life, arguments, or any other details about your relationship to people you barely know because people love to gossip.
Communication Is Key!
Now this is a no-brainer! Communication is key to a healthy relationship. If you have a concern or a question concerning the relationship, it is important to not always make assumptions and understand that he is not a mind-reader (we women are guilty of that one!) and discuss it with your mate head-on. But remember: it is not what you say, it is how you say it. Talk to the person, not at the person. When he does give you honest answers and it is favorable to you and he proves it with his actions, then that is great and keep up the good work! If not, definitely take that up to consideration and then reconsider your options in terms of whether you think you should keep the relationship or not. After all, you got to be happy too! Another thing in dating is that if someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! Trust me on that one because most likely, they will stay that way throughout the relationship and he will not change. Because in his head, you accepted his terms and conditions into being involved with him. He only did what you allowed and accepted, just saying.
If You Don't Have Trust, You Have Nothing!
Trust, next to communication is very important in a relationship because if not, everything tears apart. No matter how much you love and care for that person, love is not enough. It is important to build and earn your trust early in the relationship and get to know the person before determining if that person is worthy of that trust. Remember a person's actions speak a lot louder than words when it comes to trust and everything else in a relationship. If they are all mouth and all words, then they are not worthy of your trust. Once they earned your trust and show that they are genuine and have good intentions, then the rewards are endless! If on the other hand, he betrays you, and you made a conscious decision to take him back, then he has to re-earn your trust. Meaning that he is not off the hook for what he has done, and he has to say and prove that he is apologetic for his actions. And ladies, do not nag to him about his mistake every time you guys get into an argument! After all, you made that decision to forgive him. If you could not live past those issues, then leave! Same thing goes for men having those issues.
Give And Takes and Ego Trips
Like I have mentioned before in How A Death Can Forever Impact My Life, I am a giver by nature. Therefore, I have been mostly on the trail of "Shayna gives too much to people who don't deserve it". I do think now that in a relationship, people should give in to that 50/50 love, like Teddy Pendergrass sings. However, in moments like when a partner goes through different stages of their lives such as a death in the family or other life-changing experiences, one would have to be there for their mate and in essence, do more for that person. And no one should ever and I mean EVER take a person's tendency to give that love for granted. EVER.
As for ego trips, it all comes into play in the dating game. Nowadays, at least in my generation, whoever falls for the other person the fastest loses. Before I get into this fact in full detail, let me explain the modern-day courting process: boy meets girl, boy explains to girl that he really likes her, just when girl starts falling for boy, boy starts the disappearing act and only calls sporadically. Girl wonders why boy is behaving this way even though they had this "special connection" and is desperate for things to go back to way it was. This leaves the girl with two choices: either chase boy or forget about him. Here is the kicker, if girl decides to call and call, guess what? She loses. But if the girl acts like she is not interested, goes out to dates with other men and even post pictures on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter of how much fun she is having without HIM, guess what? Guy "magically" falls in love with girl out of the blue and they live happily ever after!
Confused? Well, what happened was that when boy and girl initially started the dating process, boy as well as girl felt like a blossoming relationship was going to ensue. However, boy chokes up under the pressure of being an exclusive relationship either because boy feels like girl is either too dependent on him or he feels like his timing was not right. So boy breaks up with girl out of the blue because he wants to further explore his "freedom" without the obligations of being in a relationship. The reason why girl loses by calling him is because of this one known fact: men are chasers when it comes to getting who they want. By girl chasing him, she automatically kills her chance for a man to chase after her. If girl leaves him alone, she wins because it will show that she is independent and is worthy of chasing. Get it now?
My Final Words...
I am still learning and experiencing relationships with potential suitors as I begin my career aspirations as well as learning from my past mistakes from previous relationships. I know that from making those mistakes that I would not be the woman I am today. I learn to not allow those experiences to make me bitter, but to make me a stronger person. In time, I will find the one man that I can spend the rest of my life with! I certainly hope that my hub can inspire others in the love department because after all, love is truth!