- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
All I Want for Christmas is a New Girlfriend
Use the multiple personalities you have to become who you are where you are
Hi fella, welcome. I’m the leader of this loose collection of “men seeking women” and I want to help you get what you want and more importantly help you get what you deserve.
Now, before we get started let me lead by saying I’ve heard every excuse under the sun why a guy can’t kiss a girl or get a date or have a girlfriend. And there’s a reason for every excuse and an excuse for every reason.
- I’m too short (bald, stocky, thin, tall)
- I can’t get past being her friend
- Women say I’m a great guy then turn me down for a date
- All my friends say I’m a great catch but I’m still single.
- Women are terrible, too judgmental, too picky
- Women only want men with money, an expensive car, a phony personality or any combination of them
I’m sure that I have one of your favorite excuses listed above, at least one anyways (you can always add yours to the list in the comments section below).
Normally I’d examine details about each excuse and decipher it right down to the essence of its meaning and hit you sideways with a zinger that shines a light on the true meaning of the detail and the rather sharp misunderstanding that you emphasize this detail and the lie it allows you to live with or get trapped by.
A near psychological experience, if I do day so myself. But I won’t.
I will say that each man (and, believe it or not, each woman) has a light inside them that shines on their true personality, their true desires and their most secret desires.
It’s taking the steps to be comfortable enough with yourself enough that you can shine that light onto other people, even women people, and not be rejected but be accepted by them/her for the real person we all are inside.
I’ll give you an example
I started my working career in retail computer sales. Initially I had a tremendous fear of approaching people and ask them if I can help them. Usually I got back a simple “No” (barely polite). Sometimes I was ignored completely. Often times I was yelled at because a popular item was out of stock or not low enough of a sale price. Sometimes I would receive rude reactions from people when they were asking for a product that didn’t exist anymore (thanks “Windows ME” guy, you ruined my birthday).
From this brutal experience I learned that to start off on the right foot in my new career (I ended a 16 year career there just a couple of years ago) I needed to act differently so I grew into a super-friendly alter ego to use as my “character” while I was at work.
This was a saving grace and the basics of the plan, which did work most of the time was to let the customer actually tell me what they were looking for while they were shopping and do everything in my power to fill their request. I became a great salesperson that was sought after for the pre- and post- sales support I offered my customers. Five years later and if I’m shopping in that store I still am recognized by some previous customers and my advice is sought out.
How this applies to you
If you’re having a difficult time getting dates or simply meeting women being yourself, you need to face each encounter as unique and craft a “persona” that will allow you to use the tips you’ve learned elsewhere (you’ve found some places, I’m sure) so that you can fulfill the woman’s desires even before she’s told you what they are. Yes, you do need to have some rejection experience here but don’t worry that comes with the effort of meeting great women no matter what you do. You have to have a backbone and some confidence in yourself too. If you don’t have it now, you’ll have what you need to be successful with women soon enough.
Sometimes it’s the approach. Have you planned how you’re going to say “Hello” to a complete stranger, or a woman that you just barely know but are interested in?
If you’re not planning beyond the half a second it takes to say “Hi” then you’re doomed. Have you ever considered saying “Hi, my name is R and I’m here to make sure you have a great night tonight and no, I don’t work here.”
Where ever you are there is a part of your brain that likes the place and other parts of you that are barely conscious of where you are. Guess which part you need to put into high gear to be able to enjoy yourself? When you walk into a place you need to immediately find out three interesting things about the place, maybe an item on the wall/ceiling, something on the menu, whatever these three things are, find them, identify them, and ask the staff about their history. This gives you some immediate small talk to share with the people you meet.
There are plenty of places to find different approaches for meeting women and you should find some that you are comfortable saying. Just Google “How to approach women” or whatever words come to mind.
You have the power to meet women and you have the persona that is a confident and knowledgeable inner part of you just dying to get out. Find your personas and live your life the way successful people live theirs.
You can do this.