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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
Seven Rules for How a Woman can Get a Man to Fall in Love with Her
“We need a more capacious model of love. In this model, love is not predicated on sharing each other's world as we might share a soul. It is predicated, instead, on sharing it as we might share a story... If stories only succeed when we consent to suspend disbelief, relationships require of us something similar: the ability to let go of our own worldview long enough to be intrigued and moved by someone else's.” -Kathryn Schulz
“The giving of the body is one of the last in the phases of love. This is as it should be. I caution women, do not engage a lover who wants to go from “accidental catching” to “giving body”. Insist on all phases. The time of body giving will come in its own right time.” –Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Rule #1: Wait as long as possible to have intercourse:
This one is tricky, and perhaps the most difficult, but it will weed out the guys that are just in it for a quick shag. It requires discipline and self-control. A very delicate balance must be maintained. On the one hand you want your man to be satisfied sexually without giving up the goods. On the other hand, if you don't keep him satisfied sexually he WILL stray. A man cannot fall in love with you if one, or both, of his "heads" are busy with other women. So, in order to keep him from straying you have to get good with your hands (really good!), and occasionally with your mouth. But under no circumstances in the first few months or so ( maybe longer if your man has a big ego) should you spread your legs and say, “fuck it! Just fuck me already!”
Stick to your guns, girlfriend! Only discipline, honesty, and communication will get you to the holy grail of his love, but it will take an immense amount of patience, on both sides. Which is why the second rule is in place to remind you.
Rule #2: WAIT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE TO HAVE INTERCOURSE!:
Rule #3: Get him to view you as less of a sexual object and more of a human being:
You might think that this rule is implied by the first and second rules, but there is a subtly to this rule that needs to be separate from the prolonging of the intercourse. You need to get your man to see you as a human being, with all the flaws becoming of a human being. More importantly, you need to get him to see you as an animal, with all the un-pleasantries becoming of an animal: piss, shit, zits, snot and, yes, even menses. And here's the really difficult part, you need to get him to accept it as a part of who you are and then LOVE IT. Which means you need to make it sexy, somehow.
So you best be getting yourself a good sense of humor, sister. This chore is a doozy! Good luck.
Rule #4: Teach him that the most powerful thing on this planet is what is between your legs:
Bar none, the single most powerful thing on this planet is a woman's vajayjay. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Forget about fake power: money, possessions, access to excess. These are illusory powers. True power is the ability to create, and no animal creates more powerfully than the human animal. Women, all women, are beholders of this prolific power; the greatest power to have ever faced (and defaced) the planet: the power to procreate. Sure, it takes a man to plant the seed, but it is YOUR choice whose seed it is, and it is YOUR choice to keep or abort that seed. Not his. It is YOUR responsibility as a bearer of such power to teach your man how to respect you and your power, and how you can both be more responsible with the consequences of such power.
Like spiderman said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”
Rule #5: You must teach him how to live between worlds:
What Clarissa Pinkola Estes calls the “Deep Knowing.” The only way your man learns this is either through getting in touch with his inner anima (feminine side) by himself, which is highly unlikely, or from you showing him how to. This is tricky but essential in getting him to fall in love with you, because he needs to learn to love you as an individual woman and to love you as Primordial Woman, as Mother Nature herself. There is a difference. He learns this by you showing him his feminine nature and how he can learn to embrace it. The hope is that eventually he will learn to love it, so that he can learn to love you. If he cannot learn how to tap into the nurturing aspect of himself your journey will be a difficult one.
Rule #6: Show him the way that you love, and then respect the way that he loves:
Too many people go into a relationship assuming that the other person will love them in the same way that they love. This is simply not the case. It cannot be. You are entirely two different people. That's the beauty of it, or it should be. A huge part of getting a man to fall in love with you is allowing him to love you in his own unique way, and not, I repeat NOT, in the way that you assume or expect that he should. This, I believe, is a woman's biggest hang-up besides not waiting to have intercourse. It is expectation that gets in the way of true romance. You need to murder that expectation, sister. Crucify it! Nail it to the wall and laugh at it. And if your man has any preconceived notions about the way that you should love, then it is your responsibility to show him the truth of your love. If he cannot show you, honestly and authentically, the way that he loves then kick him to the curb, because he's not worth your time.
“Love is being stupid together.” –Paul Valery
Rule #7: Let go, make love, repeat:
This rule is three-fold. Assuming that you were able to embrace each others unique way of loving each other in rule six, and further assuming that you and he passed through all the other rules, it is time to let love go. Sound counter-intuitive? Good, because it is meant to be. There are three rules to happiness in this life: the ability to love, the ability to let love, and the ability to let love go. We live in a chaotic universe filled with countless obstacles that are out of our control, and people change. Let me repeat that last bit: PEOPLE CHANGE. This is an absolute. There is no way around it, and it is something that you are going to have to accept. You too WILL change. The way you love will change, and the same will happen with your man. You MUST embrace this, and the way you do that is by letting love go.
You need to look your man in the eye and say, “I love you, baby, with all of my heart. But if you don't love me then let me know and I will let you go.” I didn't say it would be easy. It won't be. It will probably be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to say. But you must say it periodically to make sure you're both still on the same sheet of music. If you are still on the same sheet of music then screw his brains out. Then let go again. Then screw his brains out again. Repeat ad infinitum. Eventually you will have screwed all of his brains out of his head and then he will love you.
Remember what I said about having a good sense of humor ;)
Caveat (pseudo-rule #8): This is all assuming that you are compatible in the first place.
"Drop the idea that attachment and love is one thing. They are enemies. It is attachment that destroys all love. If you feed and nourish attachment, love will be destroyed; if you feed and nourish love, attachment will fall away by itself. They are not one; they are two separate entities, and antagonistic to each other." -Osho
War is two “rights” obliterating their rights; Love is two “wrongs” obliging their wrongs.