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Seven Rules for How a Woman can Get a Man to Fall in Love with Her

Updated on April 20, 2013

“We need a more capacious model of love. In this model, love is not predicated on sharing each other's world as we might share a soul. It is predicated, instead, on sharing it as we might share a story... If stories only succeed when we consent to suspend disbelief, relationships require of us something similar: the ability to let go of our own worldview long enough to be intrigued and moved by someone else's.” -Kathryn Schulz

The giving of the body is one of the last in the phases of love. This is as it should be. I caution women, do not engage a lover who wants to go from “accidental catching” to “giving body”. Insist on all phases. The time of body giving will come in its own right time.” –Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Rule #1: Wait as long as possible to have intercourse:

This one is tricky, and perhaps the most difficult, but it will weed out the guys that are just in it for a quick shag. It requires discipline and self-control. A very delicate balance must be maintained. On the one hand you want your man to be satisfied sexually without giving up the goods. On the other hand, if you don't keep him satisfied sexually he WILL stray. A man cannot fall in love with you if one, or both, of his "heads" are busy with other women. So, in order to keep him from straying you have to get good with your hands (really good!), and occasionally with your mouth. But under no circumstances in the first few months or so ( maybe longer if your man has a big ego) should you spread your legs and say, “fuck it! Just fuck me already!”

Stick to your guns, girlfriend! Only discipline, honesty, and communication will get you to the holy grail of his love, but it will take an immense amount of patience, on both sides. Which is why the second rule is in place to remind you.


Rule #3: Get him to view you as less of a sexual object and more of a human being:

You might think that this rule is implied by the first and second rules, but there is a subtly to this rule that needs to be separate from the prolonging of the intercourse. You need to get your man to see you as a human being, with all the flaws becoming of a human being. More importantly, you need to get him to see you as an animal, with all the un-pleasantries becoming of an animal: piss, shit, zits, snot and, yes, even menses. And here's the really difficult part, you need to get him to accept it as a part of who you are and then LOVE IT. Which means you need to make it sexy, somehow.

So you best be getting yourself a good sense of humor, sister. This chore is a doozy! Good luck.

Rule #4: Teach him that the most powerful thing on this planet is what is between your legs:

Bar none, the single most powerful thing on this planet is a woman's vajayjay. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Forget about fake power: money, possessions, access to excess. These are illusory powers. True power is the ability to create, and no animal creates more powerfully than the human animal. Women, all women, are beholders of this prolific power; the greatest power to have ever faced (and defaced) the planet: the power to procreate. Sure, it takes a man to plant the seed, but it is YOUR choice whose seed it is, and it is YOUR choice to keep or abort that seed. Not his. It is YOUR responsibility as a bearer of such power to teach your man how to respect you and your power, and how you can both be more responsible with the consequences of such power.

Like spiderman said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

Rule #5: You must teach him how to live between worlds:

What Clarissa Pinkola Estes calls the “Deep Knowing.” The only way your man learns this is either through getting in touch with his inner anima (feminine side) by himself, which is highly unlikely, or from you showing him how to. This is tricky but essential in getting him to fall in love with you, because he needs to learn to love you as an individual woman and to love you as Primordial Woman, as Mother Nature herself. There is a difference. He learns this by you showing him his feminine nature and how he can learn to embrace it. The hope is that eventually he will learn to love it, so that he can learn to love you. If he cannot learn how to tap into the nurturing aspect of himself your journey will be a difficult one.

If you don't know the difference between Primordial and Individual Woman then pick up the book, Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes and learn.

Rule #6: Show him the way that you love, and then respect the way that he loves:

Too many people go into a relationship assuming that the other person will love them in the same way that they love. This is simply not the case. It cannot be. You are entirely two different people. That's the beauty of it, or it should be. A huge part of getting a man to fall in love with you is allowing him to love you in his own unique way, and not, I repeat NOT, in the way that you assume or expect that he should. This, I believe, is a woman's biggest hang-up besides not waiting to have intercourse. It is expectation that gets in the way of true romance. You need to murder that expectation, sister. Crucify it! Nail it to the wall and laugh at it. And if your man has any preconceived notions about the way that you should love, then it is your responsibility to show him the truth of your love. If he cannot show you, honestly and authentically, the way that he loves then kick him to the curb, because he's not worth your time.

Love is being stupid together.” –Paul Valery

Rule #7: Let go, make love, repeat:

This rule is three-fold. Assuming that you were able to embrace each others unique way of loving each other in rule six, and further assuming that you and he passed through all the other rules, it is time to let love go. Sound counter-intuitive? Good, because it is meant to be. There are three rules to happiness in this life: the ability to love, the ability to let love, and the ability to let love go. We live in a chaotic universe filled with countless obstacles that are out of our control, and people change. Let me repeat that last bit: PEOPLE CHANGE. This is an absolute. There is no way around it, and it is something that you are going to have to accept. You too WILL change. The way you love will change, and the same will happen with your man. You MUST embrace this, and the way you do that is by letting love go.

Love is sacred when it is unconditional; it is profane when it is conditional.

You need to look your man in the eye and say, “I love you, baby, with all of my heart. But if you don't love me then let me know and I will let you go.” I didn't say it would be easy. It won't be. It will probably be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to say. But you must say it periodically to make sure you're both still on the same sheet of music. If you are still on the same sheet of music then screw his brains out. Then let go again. Then screw his brains out again. Repeat ad infinitum. Eventually you will have screwed all of his brains out of his head and then he will love you.

Remember what I said about having a good sense of humor ;)

Caveat (pseudo-rule #8): This is all assuming that you are compatible in the first place.

"Drop the idea that attachment and love is one thing. They are enemies. It is attachment that destroys all love. If you feed and nourish attachment, love will be destroyed; if you feed and nourish love, attachment will fall away by itself. They are not one; they are two separate entities, and antagonistic to each other." -Osho

War is two “rights” obliterating their rights; Love is two “wrongs” obliging their wrongs.


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    • profile image

      E-1yannas 19 months ago

      "Then screw his brains out again. Repeat ad infinitum. Eventually you will have screwed all of his brains out of his head and then he will love you."...Your words..really, Gary Z? Does not resonate with the way you write! This is an expression an alien parasite would use in the campaign to debase sacred human sexuality. Checkout -perhaps a Wernicke Command during your time with Naval Intel. is showing ?

    • profile image

      Xin zhang 3 years ago

      I agree with the author. Wait as long as it is the human nature, we crave for things we can't get! Attachment and love are enemies, so much. That is why so many married couples have sex less and less as years go by. It is the attachment that killed love.

    • -Z- profile image

      Gary Z McGee 4 years ago from Everywhere, USA

      Hello Valerie. Thanks for reading. And thanks for the thoughtful comment. I agree with you that women and men are different in the way they show love, and that honest communication is in order to get to the heart of that difference... I vehemently disagree that #4 has no place in the discussion. In my opinion it is the most important part, especially pertaining to how we get our species back into balance with the planet. We've been living in a lopsided, male-dominated, ownership-based culture that is hell-bent on destroying the planet. We need to wake up from our two-thousand year jaunt through unsustainable living, and it begins with respecting the truer power of procreation. "With great power comes great responsibility." As for men and women both being responsible for contraception and child-rearing, fair enough. But that's ONLY if the man is even in the equation. A lot of the times he is not. Women go to sperm banks all the time. Women get pregnant and don't tell the man about it all the time. Women trap men all the time. Men run away all the time. But who is ALWAYS responsible? The Woman. There's no way to weasel out of this absolute fact. Again: "With great power comes great responsibility." Cheers!

    • profile image

      Valerie 4 years ago

      I ran across this while searching something unrelated. It did spark an interesting conversation between my husband and I.

      I think that rule 6 is a good starting points for further discussion, as partners in a relationship as well as culturally. In a religious perspective there is a book called "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

      Men and women are different in the wags they express love, both as a result of 'nature' and 'nurture'. So many people go into relationships without communicating and the fact that this conversation is happening is a HUGE step towards a better view of relationships.

      I believe #4 has no place in this discussion. When in relationships that are not focused on intentional procreation, the focus should be on connection and mutual pleasure. Once a decision has been made to have children, a discussion of the creative power of a womans sexuality is appropriate.

      In response to the comment above, men and women are both responsible for the use of contraceptives and/or the child that might result from sex.

    • -Z- profile image

      Gary Z McGee 4 years ago from Everywhere, USA

      John, your opinion is duly noted. I suppose a man "chooses" to donate his seed, especially in the case of sperm banks. But a woman chooses who she has sex with, or what sperm bank to go to, and even which sperm to impregnate herself with. And a woman DEFINITELY chooses whether or not to carry it to term, whether or not the man, the law (whether right or wrong), or even God wants her to. So it goes.

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      John 4 years ago

      Idiotic article. Women - go ahead and believe this if you'd like to stay in your ignorant fantasy land. The vee-jay-jay is the most powerful thing in the world? Please. First of all, it's called a vagina. Second, you cannot create life by yourself. Period. The man has as much choice as you do as to whether or not he participates in creating life. Keep living in your fantasy land and you'll continue to lose the power you think you have over men.

    • -Z- profile image

      Gary Z McGee 5 years ago from Everywhere, USA

      If by "narrow minded" you mean "open to a new way of viewing the course a relationship might take" then yes, it's narrow-minded. ;)

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      Tphonik 5 years ago

      This is some seriously narrow minded nonsense...

    • -Z- profile image

      Gary Z McGee 5 years ago from Everywhere, USA

      "Love is never stronger than when it is completely unreasonable." -Victor Hugo

    • cheaptrick profile image

      cheaptrick 5 years ago from the bridge of sighs

      Wow!You took a couple of slaps in the comments here but handled it well,congrats on that.

      I like the"Love is being stupid together"quote.Pretty much sums it up I'd say.

      Real love can always be found among the unicorns,fairies,and,mermaids.If you can find those you'll find love...still looking.

      "I've never fallen in love.I've Stepped in it a couple of times though"Rita Rudner

    • -Z- profile image

      Gary Z McGee 5 years ago from Everywhere, USA

      Thanks, Queen Bodecia. Namaste!

    • profile image

      Queen Bodecia 5 years ago

      Been into Ms. Estes a long time. Great article and great advice. I will try to pass this article on as much as I can.

    • -Z- profile image

      Gary Z McGee 6 years ago from Everywhere, USA

      hearts and hearts and hearts and hearts!!

    • ILovePlaid profile image

      ILovePlaid 6 years ago from here, there

      I read this one a while ago, and didn't realize that YOU were the author.


    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 7 years ago

      This may have been great advice back in the 1950s!

      Women should know having sex with a man does not turn him into an a-hole. Odds are he was an a-hole to begin with. A truly "great guy" will remain being a great guy even if you have sex with him early on. A woman would do well to know herself, what she wants, and needs in a man. Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions and never have sex with a "hidden agenda"

      Expecting anyting beyond an orgasm early on is often a recipe for heartache. Last but not least know what you're doing in bed!

      A lot of women think guys don't call again because "He got what he wanted". In reality a lot of times it's the complete opposite! Guys don't call back because the sex was bland, boring, or vanilla. No man or woman for that matter is usually in a hurry to have bad sex! Not everyone is going to be sexually compatible with you and vise versa.

    • -Z- profile image

      Gary Z McGee 7 years ago from Everywhere, USA

      Well, I suppose even bad press is good press.

      *carries on, smartly*

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      Cathy 7 years ago

      This is the worst advice I have ever read. It is obvious that this was written by a man trying to sound like a woman and it is pretty pathetic. This guy has probably never even been in love before so why would I take advice on how to get a man to fall in love with me. Rule number one reminds me so much of a religious idiot who believes you can do everything except have intercourse and still have a deep relationship, "So, in order to keep him from straying you have to get good with your hands (really good!), and occasionally with your mouth." So stupid.