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my husband wrote me an email today. I havent seen him in 2 weeks, he is away for work or thats what he tells me. This is a couple of sentences from his email.
He got emotional on the phone with me then he wrote me some of this I cant show everything.
I would change, it is inside me like religion.
Kiss my babies every night. I pretend.
Not loving hating all of this.
I didnt choose anything in my life accept you.
Iam week. I will never cry.
------ never talks to me I wish she did,
But I take this and never stop taking.
I learned to be a taker.
Switching my religion, its painful
I never will......
He went on I just wanted to share that anyways
He wants a different life, one that "He" immagines it should be like, not what he has. He is missing something, or he feels he can not achieve something or has failed at something he wanted. Possibly at work, possibly at home?
Something he is not saying? And he is blaming everything he does not like on religion, not fiting in possibly, his beliefs, his enviorment, his kids-if you have them, you, the neighbors!...stuff like...I never asked for all of this, just wanted marrage to you. I never wanted all this responsibility that came with it! It not the life I wanted! I want to be the new guy get the attention,etc.. etc... It is all excuses for whats underneath.
If He is only saying life is hard! Well...it is, grow up and suck it up and go at it! But its probly deeper than that. I am sure he can handel life, most of us can.
Sorry to be so direct, but at 58 years i have seen this before, and even gone through it. Not fun, I am sorry you guys have this going on.
What I found out was; what I was doing; that I did not like myself, and hated my profession, I did not love to do it. I had different visions than what my life really was. What my chosen profession should be, I was too Idelistic about it. To passionate for it, and it disapointed. So I hunted for change.
But...When I changed myself inside, went after things with a zen for every day. I was much beter. But I had to face me and continue living, it was much better after I did that, to face that truth, and then modify what I was doing wrong, thinking about, feeling. (felt much more sucessful, that way).
Not all the stuff you do requires machismo, and total sucess, you have to accept your own best as you can do it, not as you vision it to be. Its no about you, what you believe it should be.
And I found that you must do the same in viewing others, your kids, your wife etc...It is not what you think they should do or be doing, its what they do, in real time, their best, what they really can do, and you count your blessings you have all of that. Grass looks always greener on the other side. Sucess is relitive to your own abilities, not dreams, or ideal visions.
Maybe its time for some real adult truths, thats possibly what he needs, not sure. I do hope its not a set up exceuse for I am leaving and its all your fault. Thats something else...
Also, I am sorry to be so direct, I just have been there once, thats all. Hang in there, Life is worth it. Talk to your Parents togeather or to a person that has much experience, one you both respect. It can help. Possibly counciling if he will agree to it. Depends on how strong headed, or young he is. You have to face what it really is togeather.
Jon thats real thanks for your advice it really makes sense I cant beleive how much that relates to whats going on. Direct is really kool to me I cant talk direct to anyone I know accept my kids because in this life I deal with people that play roles. Money is the root of all evil and this is from personal experience. This is what his ruin is. And people around me are so afraid of their positions because of money mostly. Its ok to me now to accept this. I know there is peace and it wont be like this for long. Love zen way is will prevail or unvail. I dont want to get carried because im still happy everyday so I just know Im here to help people and I know he will come around.
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