How can I make my husband stop "paying" for my ex's mistakes?
We are in love and happy, but I don't trust him ect. due to my ex. How can I help myself to realize that he is not my ex?
The way to gain more trust, oddly enough, is to get closer to him and become more intimate (not just sex, mind you). In marriage, trust cannot be earned; it is in fact an outcome of a high level of intimacy. Secondarily, as a counselor, I'd recommend finding a qualified clinician to help you process your history
Quit blaming your ex and do something about it like confronting your past with a licensed social worker, psychologist or a psychiatrist. I find your illustration very offensive, but it tells me a lot about you and your situation. To say that you are "in love and happy" with your current husband is denial on your part. By not trusting him, you are probably keeping tabs on any move he makes. Get over yourself and get some counseling, or you and your husband will continue to be miserable. I know so-called "married" people like you who have the same problem with trust. They have been friends of mine for years, and I can guarantee you that the last thing they feel is love and happiness. Relationships are based on trust, and at the moment, you certainly don't show any signs of it.
I'm so simple sometimes and so will be this answer...you are doing it now by getting it out of your head and onto paper (or screen). I don't think you need any professional help with this. Heal thyself.
Recognize that a bit of paranoia on your part is normal. When you get hurt by an action or person, you are more suspicious of similar actions or persons. It's a defense mechanism for our brains. If a weaving vehicle hits your car, you pay more attention to weaving vehicles for months or years. If a man that you let get close has hurt you, you are wary of letting other men get close the same way.
Time will heal it. The biggest trick will be to bite your tongue so that you aren't driving your new man into the very behavior that worries you. Every once in a while, thank your new man for not being the same as the ex. It will help both of you.
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