How can I help my daughter overcome breaking up with her boyfriend?
One of the best things you could possibly do for your daughter is to listen to her. One of the most common mistakes we parents make is talking too much. We can see so much that our kids can't see yet and we want to share all that we know. But one of the ways people heal from trauma is by talking about it. In talking, we review our perceived mistakes, the mistakes the other person made and things we could have done differently. We also justify our own actions and make adjustments in order to regain some of our self-esteem. Let her vent as much as possible and let her know that you care and time will heal her wounds. Encourage her to see herself as the beautiful and worthy person she is.
Get her interested in other things and other people, guys particularly. Let her see if it isn't working now she does not want to waste years or perhaps decades just to wish she had seen the light to start with. There really are plenty of fish in the sea! Catch a good one!
Listen to her and let her express herself. If she is truly torn up, remind her that she is loved and that not having a boyfriend is not the end of the world. Relationships don't always work out, sometimes you have to go through a few bad relationships and break-ups before finding the one who's right for you. You can also tell her that everything happens for a reason and that it will get easier.
Let her process with you - let her talk it out and talk and talk. Only time will really let her heal. You can support her, keep her busy, talk to her, have some fun family nights and let her know that in time, the pain will lessen.
Listen to her if she wants to talk about it and never say "i told you so". Don't force her into talking about it. people have different ways of coping and her way might not be the same as yours. Don't pressure her into getting into dating again. I think that having her mother trying to help her with dating is a bit weird and not comfortable at all So i have to say i totally desagree with Pollyannalana on this point. It's not your job to heal her heart or to get her insterested in boys. Even if it does work the danger is she will be going on the rebound, not really getting over her ex. Your job as a mum is simply to listen to her and respect her place and her space. If she comes to you... be her friend. If not, leave her alone. Don't ask her about it all the time. I say this from experience as a daughter in that situation. I hope your daughter gets over her ex fast and wish her all the best! I actually wrote a hub with a few tips on how to get over a past relationship precisely because I think people. specially women, always make the same mistakes after a break up. Best wishes for you and your daughter!
Yes, listen to her and support her feelings...and trust that she'll come around sooner than later. This is such a tough thing for anyone to go through, so I wish the both of you luck.
What really can you do? You can make yourself available to her and be a warm wall she can lean on, but finding her way through the healing process is something she must do on her own.
In time, she will be ready to move on with her life and she probably needs to hear that...but just not yet. Just let her know that she is loved and she has your full support. When she feels like opening up a little more, you may gently remind her of her fine qualities and what makes her so special.
Best wishes to you and yours - C.J. Sledgehammer
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