How do you get your man to do what you want without manipulating him?
Do for him. Cook him dinner, clean up after him a little, anything you know he loves. Then, because men tend to be more direct, just casually let him know once in a while that you would love it if he took out the garbage more, etc. If he feels like his efforts are reciprocated, he is more likely to "volunteer" to do that which you desire.
From a man's perspective, and as all the other answers will probably point out, you can't.
The best advice is to find a man who (already) does the kinds of things you want. Trying to get someone to do something they don't want to is the same as trying to "change" them. I've never met anyone who said; "I'm looking for someone to change me!"
Most people want to be loved and accepted for who (they) are.
When we attempt to change someone it usually leads to frustration on our part and resentment on the part of our mate.
All we can do is directly ask for what we want. There are basically 2 reasons why your mate wouldn't give you what you've asked for.
1. They don't have it to give. (In other words it's not who they are.)
2. They don't believe you are worth the effort.
More often than not it's #1. If someone thinks you are worth the effort they will generally make the effort. However no one can give you what is not in them to give.
Only you can decide if not getting what you want is an actual "deal breaker". Keep in mind perfection is an illusion.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships; we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. We either stay or continue our search.
Have a heart-to-heart talk at the right moment and tell him you need his help. Men don't seem to notice things that need to be done until you point them out. I use honey-do lists and he enjoys checking things off. Works for me most of the time, and when not, bribery is also effective.
I know it's not deep and poetic, but -- I just ask him. If he doesn't want to do what I want, then that's totally his right to refuse. It's then up to me to decide why I wanted it, and decide if it was even important or if I need to come up with my own solution. Thankfully, my husband and I have a very direct relationship -- no amount of manipulation or coercion would move him anyway. He will give me a good reason if he says no, and if I can't accept that then it's my issue, not his. I can't control him if he doesn't want to fall into lockstep with my program.
You can only ask him directly to do it for you. You could persuade him by pleading with him.
Any other thing short of that falls within the framework of manipulation, most especially when it clearly against his will to do that which you want him to do.
You could also make it easier for you to get him to do it for you if you first do him a favor in which case he will feel the need to return the favor but again that's subtle manipulation.
Cajoling, comparing, insinuating, nagging, crying, withholding sex, silent treatment, etc, all fall within the framework of manipulation.
Well I just do it myself, and then he feels bad and does it. I guess it's a nice way of manipulation, but it work better than most things.
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