How could a couple deal with control issues in their marriage?
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
Generally speaking if someone has to change their (core) being in order to make a relationship/marriage "work" then they've most likely have selected the "wrong" mate for themselves!
Very few people if any are looking for someone to "change them". Most of us want to be loved/appreciated/accepted for who (we) are.
There are two requirements for couples to resolve "issues".
1. They must still be "in love" with one another.
(When you're "in love" you naturally want your spouse to be happy.) As the old Neville Brothers' song goes: "When something is wrong with my baby then something is wrong with me"
Couples who are "in love" most likely think in terms of "Us & We" and not as much as "You & Me". They put their ego on the back burner much easily. They seek out compromises.
2. Both people have to recognize there is an "issue"
As Dr. Phil is fond of saying; "You can't fix what you don't acknowledge". If one person is happy/content with the way things are it will be very difficult to motivate them to put in the effort to make changes. Most people usually change when (they) are unhappy.
Under this circumstance all one can do is (ask )for what they want. There two basic reasons why one's mate would not give them what they have asked for after stressing it's importance.
a) They don't have it to give. Essentially it's not who (they) are.
b) They don't believe (you) are worth the effort.
We hear about this oftentimes where a man/woman refused to do things with one person but are more than willing to do it for the next person they become involved with.
If someone believes you're worth the effort they'll make the effort.
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