Why do people leave after they have gotten to know the real you?
A better question might be:
Why do people NOT reveal their "real selves" early on?
In the beginning of most (new relationships) there's an "infatuation phase" whereby both people oftentimes bend over backwards to impress one another. The word "no" is seldom if ever used. No one wants to say/do anything that might risk them "blowing it" with the object of their affection. Conversations flow for hours, laughter comes easily, cards, token gifts, and weekend getaways are done "just because" and sex is off the charts! They make (each other's happiness) their top priority.
Everything (you) want to do (they) want to do!
Each of you believes you've met your "soul-mate"!
It's not until there is an "emotional investment" or commitment established that most people feel it's (safe) to reveal their "authentic selves" without the risk of possibly losing their mate.
After the first major disagreement your "differences", "boundaries", and "deal breakers" become more apparent. The word "no" is no longer a foreign word in your relationship.
It's almost a cliché to hear someone say:
"He/she is not the same person I fell in love with!"
Had you revealed your "real self" early on they never would have invested their time and emotion into the relationship. They would have known that you were not the "right person" for them and they weren't the "right person" for you.
Where as if both people applied the "be yourself" philosophy from the beginning they could have avoided getting involved in the first place. Early rejection saves everyone time.
LOL.....Sorry, but just what is it you're admitting here? If this particular scenario seems to repeat itself in your life, I'd have to say that you need a serious self-examination.
As my friend, dashing has noted quite well, why do the people who meet you, not know the "real" you from the start? WHO or what do you pretend to be when you meet someone new? If you wear a few different masks for some strange reason, that's the very first thing you need to work on. Mostly, just STOP this behavior immediately.
Every human being has their own individual and unique personality. Be proud & confident in who you are and just let nature take it's course. Of course, if the real you has some severe flaws that are socially unacceptable, such as being a bully, whiner or deceiver, then you have your work cut out for you, especially if your ultimate goal is to maintain a close relationship or 2.
In any case, Vhina.....start with YOU. Do some reading that will benefit your ability to look objectively at yourself. If you are able to see a professional and present this question to him/her, this can help in terms of giving you some authentic help with interpersonal relationships. Good luck. Paula
Personally, I don't think it is a matter of knowing "the real" someone or not, unless someone is a truly devious person or so self-absorbed that they do not see the rest of the world around them. It's not like most people walk around intentionally presenting a different to different people. The way I see it (and I have thought about this very recently), it's not necessarily that people have a specific goal to hide parts of their personality from other people. Perhaps what dashing says is true in a romantic relationship. It makes sense that it could go the way he describes.
But in general, I think most people simply want to present the best of themselves to others. Problems arise more often when you get to know someone better. The more you get to know someone, the more facets of their personality you get to see and the more personal information you get to know about a person. These things can affect your opinion of someone. Or their opinion of you. But by that same coin, if I really care about someone, it would have be something majorly wrong and serious enough to make me see true evil through and through in a person to want to leave completely.
If it is a romantic relationship, though, a breakup may occur after getting to know someone better, depending on how at odds the personality conflicts are. If it is a friendship or other acquaintance, people are just fickle and everyone gravitates toward what they like. Sometimes one person is more invested in the relationship than another. But to me, it's a shame when a good friendship dies over misunderstandings and things that should have been relatively clear from the start and often are but forgotten about when it's no longer convenient to accept those things.
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