How can you say you really love someone if you don't trust them?

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  1. profile image0
    lisasuniquevoiceposted 11 years ago

    How can you say you really love someone if you don't trust them?

  2. Darknlovely3436 profile image72
    Darknlovely3436posted 11 years ago

    I don't believe in love. so in my opinion I can't say you can love anyone .. even if you do not trust them.. love is not not real.... we are living in a world where everyone is for themselves..

    1. peeples profile image93
      peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Quite a sad belief.

    2. dashingscorpio profile image81
      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      When you see "happy couples" do you feel they are living in denial? Or Do you simply not believe in love for yourself?

  3. profile image0
    JThomp42posted 11 years ago

    I would say yes. You can truly love someone, but without trust, you cannot be with them. I have been there, it is a hard choice to make and live with.

    1. profile image0
      lisasuniquevoiceposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks J, I think you're right.

    2. profile image0
      JThomp42posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Lisa!

  4. Shanti Perez profile image79
    Shanti Perezposted 11 years ago

    I think we confuse love with an emotion. We can love someone and not trust them. If we do not trust someone, then we can pick and choose which tasks, etc., we can give to them, such as keeping a secret, being on time, remaining faithful, and so on. We can love them as we love everyone and everything in the universe, as a decision, and not confuse our love with emotions like jealousy or with forms of attachment or possession. We have to ask what it is we do not trust and dig deep into why? Is the distrust really about us? If the distrust is not about us, but about our experience with the person in question, then we will know that we cannot rely on that particular person for whatever it is we expect or want. And that is the real kicker: "expect" and "want". What do expect and want have to do with love? If we seek a form of reciprocation when it comes to trust and our lives are interrupted continuously because we entrust whatever it is to someone who hasn't followed through for us, then we are only inviting more let-down.

    The answer is still yes, we can love someone and not trust them. These are separate things. But can we live and work closely with someone we do not trust? Probably not. I can say I love this person and live separately from them. They are still out there living and doing what they do. For me to say they have to be right there with me, even though I do not trust them and this causes all sorts of drama, is not love, but it is attachment.

  5. dashingscorpio profile image81
    dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

    Most of the time "trust issues" have nothing to do with (our feelings) about someone. It has everything to do with (our doubts) regarding how (they feel) about us! It's possible to fall in love with a liar or cheater and yet reach the conclusion the relationship is not good for you because you can't trust them.

    1. peeples profile image93
      peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Very true!

  6. Lisa HW profile image64
    Lisa HWposted 11 years ago

    There have been people in my life that I've loved but not trusted.  That may be not trusting someone's judgment, not trusting that they will make judgments that are based on reason rather than emotion (or based on reason, rather than based on what they imagine when they "put two and two together"), or not trusting someone not to do something behind my back (even if they mean well but just think they have knowledge/right to get involved with what's my business; but also if they're out-and-out aiming to be deceitful), or else not trusting them to be generally honest in the things they say.  In general, these are people I've been in a romantic relationship with, though.  I would not stay in a romantic relationship in which I didn't trust the person, but staying and loving/caring about are two different things.

    I know people who make no secret of the fact that the way they generally operate is to feel free to whip a lie off the top of their head, just to get out of one situation or another.

    So, for all these reasons, there's quite a collection of people I've known (and loved/cared a lot about) that I don't trust entirely (although some I trust at least enough to know they wouldn't intentionally do anything hurtful).  But, as someone else here suggested, we can kind of work around the fact that we love, but don't entirely trust, some people; and we can know where to draw the line on when/whether we'll trust them on one issue or another.

    Having said that, there are things people in all kinds of relationships can do that will betray our trust and eventually erode away at how much we love, admire and/or respect them.  Romantic relationships have their own additional, and different, set of "rules"; and I think genuine and complete trust is required in them - plain and simple.  But, "eroding" love and completely destroying all of it can be two different things (at least for awhile), so I can see why someone would still feel a "damaged love" that was, nonetheless, still love.   hmm

  7. jennshealthstore profile image81
    jennshealthstoreposted 11 years ago

    I think we can love a person without trusting them. I think that is because we probably fell in love with the person before we had the trust issues. Once we love a person it is hard to just stop. Yes they may have hurt us and lied to us, but when you love a person, and I mean truly love a person then we learn to forgive them easier and give them more chances. Not that it is such a great idea, but really that is reality. The hard part would be overlooking those feelings and deciding that you do not deserve to be lied to and leave. People can get caught up in the feeling of love because of how things were in the past. The person who is lying and doing wrong, probably did love you at one time, when feelings start to change sometimes people do not tell the other how they feel because they know that they loved you, they know that you love them and they really do not want to hurt you. Then on top of that, since you love that person it is hard to just walk away so you try to deal with these issues. So then you have two unhappy people in a relationship suffering. My solution would be to move on, and if you can work on your issues as individuals then maybe you will have a chance to reunite in the future.

  8. tksabresinos profile image59
    tksabresinosposted 11 years ago

    Mothers love their children, but don't trust the judgement that they make sometimes due to their lack of experience. In the end we don't trust them, but it's for their own good so we think. We must make our best judgement in situations like these.

  9. profile image0
    CJ Sledgehammerposted 11 years ago

    Once upon a time, I was deeply in love with a beautiful brunette. I loved her so much it hurt. Unfortunately, I knew she could not be fully trusted, so it almost killed me when I had to walk away from her.

    My heart wanted nothing more than to love her and to be loved by her, but my mind knew too much and would not allow me to proceed any further.

    1. Darknlovely3436 profile image72
      Darknlovely3436posted 11 years agoin reply to this


    2. profile image0
      CJ Sledgehammerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Indeed. Love is blind and many people cannot see what is afoot. Lucky are the ones who keep their wits and can ignore their hearts.

  10. Eunice Stuhlhofer profile image61
    Eunice Stuhlhoferposted 11 years ago

    Trust and love are separate. You can love someone and trust them and somewhere along the way, he or she breaks the trust but love remains. Trust like respect is earned, and it is for the person to earn the trust and for you to risk trusting them again.

    Best wishes.

    1. profile image0
      CJ Sledgehammerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You got it!!! One can trust someone and not love them and even love someone and not trust them.

  11. naturalife profile image84
    naturalifeposted 11 years ago

    Love and trust are not the same.  Trust enhances love to thrive.  If there is no trust in relationship, it is not an healthy relationship and that relationship may end up in chaos.  Yes, trust is earned.  One can still love a person but may not trust him

  12. Kiki Estime profile image42
    Kiki Estimeposted 7 years ago

    You can really love someone if you don't trust them. The foundation is the trust in the relationships. Try to build up baby steps in having self-love for your self and self-respect.

  13. profile image58
    Kandys Kerrposted 7 years ago

    My boyfriend and i didn't trust each other after our first relationship but in our new relationship it was the same in the begining even worst, eventually we both worked around it and tried to make each other comfortable and showed respect after communicating and understanding our fears about one another. He clearly portray loyalty and so did i after all 'actions speak louder than words', today we both trust each other, love each other and living for god most importantly god is the main reason we have been together 7years and going. Once you belive in god your love life would be the best because GOD IS LOVE.

    1. profile image50
      Shainaaaaposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      How did you work out your relationship?

  14. profile image56
    jannetreyesposted 6 years ago

    I think everyone has their on definition of love. Therefore, the majority of the time people end up being hurt because the other person does not accurately fulfill that definition. You can still love a person even if you do not trust them. The issue is if you can still be in a relationship with them when there is no trust. Many people that we love will disappoint us, but we will not just stop loving them for those mistakes. Sometimes we new their short comings and we still felt in love with them.

  15. Ben716 profile image91
    Ben716posted 6 years ago

    If you don't trust your partner you don't love him. Love goes hand in hand with trust. When you trusty your partner it means you have a given him a part of your heart. You cannot love someone without giving a little bit of you if not all.

  16. alexarain379 profile image61
    alexarain379posted 6 years ago

    i think love isn't include just trust, it is include everything as it is always don't depent on thinking or logic.
    once i love one, i can sacrifice for him with out waiting any return, that is opposite any logic but it is natural.
    after that the love can be decrease if i discovered something bad.
    but will not over.
    on the other hand if i love some one and can not tell him because i don't trust him, it is different subject, and the matter here doesn't depend on love because i already love him and finished that, the matter here is a bout his response and loosing him.


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