Cold feet or Intuition?

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   Dearest Presenceposted 6 years ago

   When are pre-marital jitters more than just cold feet? How do you know you’re marrying the right one?

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      dashingscorpioposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      There is no such thing as "cold feet". It's more like "red flags".
      When you're sure about anything you feel excited but not nervous.
      There's a difference between looking forward and being anxious.
      
      The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.
      Too often people however believe they can change someone over time.
      When things aren't quite the way you want them to be it's bound to give you pause. Getting married for the {wrong reasons} is as bad as getting married to the "wrong person". Sometimes people find themselves asking if the marriage is what they "really want".
      
      Some reasons why people get married are to get out of their parent's house, they had an age goal, all of their friends were engaged or married, there was an unplanned pregnancy, an ultimatum was given, someone in the military was about to be deployed,  a perspective spouse has money..
      
      A marriage based on circumstances rather than love is likely to fail.
      
      One wonders: Can I really see myself spending the rest of my life with..?
      
      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the marriage you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for another. Compatibility trumps compromise.
      
      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!
      
      When a relationship (feels right) there is no such thing as cold feet.
      
      

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         Dearest Presenceposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Wow! That was spot on. Thanks for the thoughtful response. It really made me reflect on the reasons I decided to call off my engagement. There were indeed a number of red flags that made me question why he was marrying me. Often times it felt like I was being paraded around for show to validate him as a man. There was minimal intimacy and I did not feel he was in love with me.

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