- Gender and Relationships
Found Friendship Found Love.
"I love you." AND "I am glad we were friends before lovers."
When I think about us and our journey where it first started it leaves me breathless. I do not know where to start.
Our journey started through the only one of its kind at the time, AOL, America Online. August 2000. I am sure many lovers have found their soul mate through the internet. We did not intend too.
Young and filled with much ignorance. Age 13 and 14. We were curious and teenagers.
I was dating someone and you just had your heart broken when we met. We became friends who understood each other's feelings and days as a teenager.
Now as the mother of your children, looking back, I would have yelled at myself for being so stupid trusting just anyone online. But then again, I am glad I met you. (I laugh at us thinking child's play was real dating).
Remembering how we met. - Fate happened.
I remember how we carelessly met online.
AOL. I switched off my username to my sister's username to quickly get some information I needed.
YOU, instant messaged my sister on her username. You two were friends online. I told you I was not my sister and I am signing off.
You asked me what my username was. I hesitated. But in my boredom I gave it to you. You, instant message me on my username.
I thought I would make a new friend since my boyfriend at the time was not on yet as I waited for him.
Years later, now, you tell me you were bored that's why you asked.
We became mutual friends online. You lived two states away from me.
We became each other's friend communicating how we felt about our life without knowing a bond was created.
I remember when my boyfriend cheated on me. I remember when your ex girlfriend cheated on you.
(Funny how young teenagers thought dating anyone was real love now that I look back.)
You poured your pains to me after your broken heart. I poured my heart out to you after my broken heart.
We wished they never cheated on us. How much we needed them in our life and loved them. (Young stupid love).
MONTHS ROLLED BY....
We talked and talked... Encouraged each other in life... We talked about our faith; God... encouraged doing good in school... Encouraged to work... Encouraged to love our family... Encouraged each other that love will come our way one day and to be strong.
What I loved most about you was your faith in God. God was my life. Jesus was my idol as a teenage girl. It amazed me how I found someone who cherish his faith as much as me.
One day, you got the courage to ask if I would be a part of your life and be your love one.
I did not hesitate to say, YES!
I remember when I first met you and saw your picture and I thought you were handsome. You told me the same thing. Through images we were instantly attracted to each other but did nothing because we were with others at the time when we first met.
I loved how faithful and loyal you are to your girlfriend after we met. You told me how you wished your ex girlfriend could be like me and be as faithful. Little did we know God already placed us together under our noses?
For You and Yours.
Came together and fell apart.
We loved and loved... almost 2 years... we were young... we were naive... we were curious..
As time came and went... things happened...
Our curiosity took us... lust for another came into play..
We fell apart... You dated someone new... Months later I soon dated someone new too.
Difference was too great and we fell apart with our new partner.
Months again... we went on as single people enjoying our life..
You tried re-connecting with me... I refuse... cut all ties with you because it hurt too much.
It felt like you were my air without me knowing. My heart aches every time I thought of you even though I had no association with you.
Valentine... - You and I..
On Valentine's Day, I got a phone call. On the other end I hear weeping. Found out it was you.
You told me your heart. Said you were sorry. Said you were selfish to of hurt me. Said I was your life and you did not know until now.
As much hurt and hate I had inside of me towards you my heart bleed. It bleeds hearing your heart hurt. I still loved you too.
You asked me back... and I said yes.
We loved we hurt.
Through the love and hurt it's a ride worth riding. Isn't it?
Have you ever loved? Wish to love or be loved?
Despite the hardship is love worth it?
You asked me!
After a while you asked me to marry you.
As I close my eyes I can still remember that day perfectly.
There was nobody in sight. The trees were tall and green. The grass was extremely green on that day. The wind was calm. The sun was bright. The sky was clear.
You were sitting and I was lying on your lap. We were still and our hearts was beating together under the beautiful sky.
You took out a ring and ask me to marry you.
I said, YES!
I knew that if not now I would still marry you someday in the future when we are older. Because you had everything I ever wanted in a partner.
I dreamed: We would go to college, make a great life and get marry.
Events occurred... we got married earlier than we expected.
It was a choice of lose each other now and forever or elope together. We eloped, we fought the world together.
Once again, our love was put to the test.
Life happened as pre-adults. Family and in-laws happened. Difference of living together occurred. Disagreements occurred. Hurt and argument occurred. Financing together occurred. Events happened. Medical complications arrived too.
Remembered when I had my breast lump scared. I went into surgery at 19. You walked with me. We thanked God it was not cancer.
I remember you ripping your finger at work because your wedding ring was hinged on a ledge up high and the ladder fell.
We were too young to realize what reality was like as an adult when we were younger and in love.
But what really placed our love and faith to the test was having our first child together.
Finally, living together in our perfectly made apartment and not in our parent's basement. We overcame our differences. We learned to grow up as adults together. We loved.
The time soon came. We are having our first child together. One of our dreams we had always talked about.
Our dream soon came to a heartbreaking halt. We fell apart once again.
We were told our baby had a medical condition, Trisomy 13. This would warrant a short term life or still born baby. We were asked what to do.
Different opinions from so many voices in our lives drew us apart from each other. We fell apart.
After months and months... we decided together without other's voice to carry our baby to term and leave it to God.
For the remaining months, we loved each other and our baby.
We did everything together. We cried over our baby together. We hated the world together. We loved our baby together.
The time came and we had our precious baby.
Again, we moved back into our parent’s basement at age 20 and 21 because of the pressure from everyone, that being so young and dealing with a special needs child it is a challenge for us to handle especially financially. Dad was always taking work off to take our child and me to doctor’s appointments because we had only one car and the fear of not knowing when our precious child might leave us.
Now, I am happy we stuck together despite everything and everyone because our precious baby is 6 years old.
We became strong together.
We made a life for us.
We decided to move to Minnesota for a better healthcare and medical care for our blessed child. We also decided we needed to pave our own path through our own struggles with our own voices in our lives.
We had 2 more beautiful children. We had another girl and a boy.
Once again we had another baby, our 4th child last year. Once again life threw us another curve.
We were once again brought back to the same place. In the ultrasound room our sweet angel was diagnose with Anencephaly.
Once again we were told what to do since the child won't have a sustainable life and will not last if born.
Once again we decided the same thing and left it in God's hand.
Our little prince lived with us 3 beautiful days God blessed us with.
We lived and learned together. We jumped obstacles together as God gave us one after another.
We became stronger together. You were my rock. And I was your rock.
You were my shadow and I was yours. You cried and I cried with you. I cried and you cried with me.
Wouldn't of made it if you weren't my friend.
I thank God everyday he blessed me with such a precious friend.
As much hurt and hate that had been created through our journey it made our love stronger.
It made us realized how much we need each other in our lives. Just like the air we breathe.
I am glad you are my best friend who understands me best.
I am glad I became your best friend who can understand your heart without a word being spoken.
I am glad you held my hand and we ran through the fires together.
Unknown future but I will still hold your hand.
I do not know what other obstacles God is holding for us in the future but we have gotten this far together.
Life will keep throwing us curves but with my best friend I will have the courage to walk our journey together.
I do not know what our future holds. I do not know if 20 years from now we will still love or break.
And that fears me most because I don’t now know what I will do without you.
I love you... I hate you... I need you... I am tired of you... I miss you... that are my days... and that are your days...
But in the end we both know that we need each other like air.
It’s suffocating together but it’s more of suffocation without one another.
When we first fell in love I somehow knew... I knew... that you were the perfect one for me despite your flaws.
You were mean to me and I was mean to you throughout our years but after the tears and screaming our hearts came back together and knew how to say sorry and love again.
We fought the world together just to be together and I hope we continue to.
You were my first and I was your first.. I hope 30 years from now we can listen to this song together and remember when.