ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How Do I Introduce My Kids To My Date?

Updated on July 16, 2011

Do something fun when it's time to introduce your date to your children

Let's go bowling together!
Let's go bowling together!

Dating Tips When Divorced

The time to introduce your kids to a date is a common question for single parents, recently divorced or separated, and never married singles that have children.

The golden rule is that you should make the introduction after 6 months of exclusive dating that person and when you are in the period of your relationship where the both of you are comfortable with each other and you're not in the "Kissy, kissy" phase of the relationship any more, when you have common goals within the relationship and when you know life comes with mistakes and can acknowledge that you both still have lives outside of the relationship.

The concern is that when you introduce your girlfriend or boyfriend to your kids an attachment might grow that overwhelms your dating plans. The child "needs" your date around. This could be a jealous power play by the child or a genuine need that fills a spot in your child's life at the time.

The child may "need" the approval of your date for parts of their life that don't really involve your date yet. And if you decide to stop dating that person, another hole is made in your child's life.

Your kids will try to please the adult and towards this new adult in their life they may react positively, becoming friends with your date, or negatively and becoming hateful and jealous towards your new love interest.

The best way for an introduction to be approached should start before the actual first meeting takes place. In the weeks and months before, and even during your dating time at all, you need to reassure your child that, although you are meeting new people to spend time with, it doesn't mean that the child's mother, or father, still doesn't have a special place within your family. Talk about feelings and family. This will reassure your child that they are not being replaced, that there is room in your life for someone special too.

If you carry animosity towards your ex this will only invite negativity in your child and a sense of being outcast, which could be shown in your child's behavior. Your child may feel abandoned which could be represented in their actions such as being rude, not listening to instruction, and maybe becoming shut out from what is happening around the him or her, a type of loner.

So your introduction and the timing of it carries a lot of weight.

Your dating becomes not with one person but now will include your child too.

I would suggest the introduction happen within a daytime activity that you can call "family day", where the three of you (or more of your children) go for a day at the arcade, mini-golf, movies or maybe a live event in your home town. If your date has children, at this first meeting they should not be present. Schedule a second "family day" that your date hosts with her children and just you.

Combining families all at once will be a struggle to keep every child happy, so start with one family at a time.

Introducing your child to your date in an atmosphere of fun and relaxation will not only make your child feel special, it will give your date the opportunity to engage your child in one-on-one activities and chats, so they get to know each other.

At all times the child should be reassured that your date is not a replacement of the other parent but an addition to your smaller family unit.

Work hard at following your child's lead in the play activities, this will give your child the feeling of "leading the pack" and help to raise their self-esteem in this new experience of meeting your date.

Your focus will be split between your date and your child, which is an obstacle you need to overcome.

Inner strength and fortitude will be required to keep yourself from favoring one over the other at this time. Even if it only seems that way to your child.

I suggest that you do not introduce your date to your child in any regular family activities, such as at a holiday dinner, or someone's birthday party, even if it's the child's, as the first time they meet.

Just don't rush things and you'll be fine, as will your date and more importantly, your child will be fine too.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • R Pseudomen profile imageAUTHOR

      Robert Lee 

      8 years ago from Canada

      cblack: many people forget to put their kids ahead of the relationship and they get caught in the middle.

      I lived through this as a kid of 5 with a divorced mom that dated a lot. I had a lot of "uncles".

      Sucked big time.

      If I'm in the position, if ever, I'd give at least 6 months to set the relationship before having the kids involved... just too tough...

    • cblack profile image


      8 years ago from a beach somewhere

      I absolutly agree with the waiting 6 months rule. I introduced a few boyfriends to my son as a toddler, he gets used to them being around and then we break up. My son couldn't understand why they weren't coming around anymore. It was hard.

    • thevoice profile image


      8 years ago from carthage ill

      great informed hub read well written thanks


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)