I feel torn. I'm so deeply relieved and happy that I was able to fall so crazy in love with someone.
I think that one of the saddest things is to have never experienced that 'out of this world' type of love.
One of the saddest things someone asked me; was whether I'd ever loved before?
It was asked by a lady in her 30's who was married and had 3 children.
I looked at her and said; well you're married with kids, obviously you have experienced love before?
She answered; No, not marriage I'm talking about true love.
WoW I thought. It dawned on me that not everyone in a seemingly happy relationship is necessarily 'happy' per say, or where they want to be in their lives.
It made me realise that in a sense, I was lucky to experience what I have. Which is true love. (For my part, anyways.)
So yeah...I'm conflicted. Words can't describe what being in love felt like. This is the closest I came to describing it:
*What does love feel like?*
- It feels like someone constantly tickling me in my tummy.
- Being the only person on earth who your love focuses on and everyone else vanishes.
- That anything is possible.
- Didn't know what happiness was until I fell in love.
- My introduction to believing in 'Forever'.
- The most intense/extreme of opposite emotions.
- Everything was more than alright as long as your love is there.
Now, though knowing that I may have been the only person in that relationship feeling the emotions that I do, has left me torn.
I feel like I've been left in 'limbo' and the sensation isn't pleasant.
It hurts. I feel like I'd really like to talk about it to get it off my chest, yet fear sounding like 'a broken record' which I'm afraid I do.
It's so embarrassing and shameful. Till now I haven't been able to find 'common ground' in a sense that I'm not completely at peace with how I feel and the way everything turned out. Though I understand & have come to terms with it, It still resurfaces and plagues me from time to time.
My hope is that one day everything won't be so hard as it seems to be now. This dull aching pain will subside and I'll feel whole again.
That's the downside to such a love, when it goes it can leave a person almost broken beyond repair.
so the question is; Is It Worth It?
For me; Yes.
Jay's Tidbit: I Do have a hard time when it comes to simply getting over someone who meant a lot to me. The key is not to dwell on it. The reality remains with me and does haunt me at times, despite that I try to move through it. I don't let it consume me. I have underlying issues in regards to a few things I've experienced in regards to love...doesn't change the fact that I Do believe that everything happens for a reason and something/someone better will come along. It always does. Feeling what I do isn't a bad thing, it's what i do about it that matters.